I was just diagnosed with this. (BPD) my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years just broke up with me because I pushed him away. I was so scared of the thought of losing him, I lost him. For 2 months he said “you’re driving me nuts. If you don’t stop blowing me up and checking up on me, we’re going to break up. Is contacting me now worth losing me for the rest of our lives?” He told me I made him do it and now says there will never be an “us” again. No more contacting him, social media efforts, and no talking to his friends again. He said if I didn’t leave him alone, he’d get a restraining order. I want him back so badly and don’t know what i can do to know that I’ve realized what I did wrong and can and will give him his space; though I’ve promised it several times before. I know he’s the one for me and its killing me knowing that everything could’ve been different if I would have just listened. I knew what to do…STOP. But my insecurities wouldn’t let me put down my phone and blow him up. Now I can’t contact him…I don’t know what to do.
You have the attraction back by this point already from the previous steps, so most of what you need to do now is just get out of your own way, and let the getting-back-together process happen on its own. In other words, you need to know what mistakes to AVOID, to prevent yourself from sabotaging the getting-back-together process, which is supposed to happen fairly naturally after the first 7 steps.
my girfriend broke up with me a month ago, she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship and i was too into her more she was into me and she wanted some space.. so i gave her some space but a week later i end up getting drunk in a bar, then i see her .. i approach her and ask if we can talk ( iwasdrunk) then we went to the parking lot… i asked if she could come back to me she said she wants to be single… then i accidentally said something disrespectful, she slapped me and asked me how many bottles i drank… i was in rage of anger because she didnt want to fix things. then when she left.. i started texting her nasty things… well i was drunk… now i regret everything ive done on that day… and she called the next day after that saying she doesnt like me anymore and shes never coming back.. is that because shes really angry? i sent her flowers she threw them away.. im so stupid to get drunk that night… now after 2 weeks i heard she likes this other guy but i dont know if she really likes the guy or not… its only been a month and shes searching for another guy to like? i thought she wasnt ready to be in a relationship?… i need help.. how do i get her back and put interest. thanks…
If your partner is staying out late more often, and showing less interest in family and spending time together, that may be an indication that they are either unhappy with the situation at home. It may also be that they’re preparing mentally for life apart, building a social life or possibly even dating. Hopefully that’s not the case, and don’t prematurely accuse your spouse of this just because they’re home less often, but it is a possibility.
What does it mean when….. I said I want things over as I don’t think he’s in right place for a relationship (and he agreed) and I explained I wasn’t happy that things weren’t progressing, not enough respect etc…..he came back asking if I’d met someone and if I change my mind to talk to him again; I replied that I am opening myself up to dating again as there’s no real commitment with us; and that I think things would need to be different for me to explore more with him (as I don’t want casual or to be a texting buddy)….he then said in a midnight text ‘me too, about your honesty’ (which confuses me?) and I haven’t heard from him for over a week…and then not long after he accepted my long outstanding Facebook friend request (with friends/photos not accessible)……I don’t know what to read from that? And I’ve not contacted further.
I got desperate yesterday and said i will change AGAIN, this time is gonna be different and blahblah. But i confessed about why i didn´t change in the relationship, i didn´t take his words seriously when he nearly broke up and that i know my faults, what i can work on and i know it was wrong that i grieved our past when i was with him, it´s not wrong to grieve, but it affected me so much that i got stuck in overthinking that instead of working on the relationship. He wrote to me today ” my feelings got a little less stronger each time you promised me change and i didn´t see any, i gave you so many chances just because i´ve never felt this way before and i really wanted to be with you, if i only saw A LITTLE change i know my feelings would be as strong as they´ve always been” So he wanted to be with me but he couldn´t stand to give any more chances.
Similar situation, Charlotte. I’ve been going through some rough anxiety and depression and have been moody a lot and he decided it is not right for him. We had planned a life together. We were so sure we were meant for each other. I am trying so hard to get back to myself with a change of medication. It’s difficult because we do work together. I’m devastated and lost.
Take a deep breath and don’t panic. There are a lot of reasons why your ex may not be calling you back or return your texts or messages. No situation is completely hopeless as long as you’re still willing to make the effort. You need to focus on your own behavior and avoid some of the common pitfalls often associated with breakup scenarios and make sure you’re doing what you need to do when you need to do it.
hi, I’m a lesbian and was with this girl for two years we were so attached to each other and stuff, but then my friend ruin it, she lied to her and told her stuff about me that wasn’t even true. after that my ex replaced me with one of her friends she said their just friends, i told her not to talk to her she didn’t listen and things started going wrong then we broke up. a month later she came back I never stopped thinking about her. she said misses me and that she needed time. but she treats me like crap now, she calls me names.. then when I’m sad she asks why. I don’t understand her, she even asked me out again but said it in a way that disgusted me. I didn’t answer! I really want her back, please tell me what to do? and how to get her back I can’t live without her please help me.. I want to win her heart again please help???”
The problem is she’s cut me off once before after a bad night than about 3 months later wanted to hang out again. This time around I made all the right moves. Took her out to fancy dinners, wine tastings, spent days with her at her apartment for study dates, hung out with her and her friends, took random walks. And now because I messed up for New Years I’m a terrible person. I just don’t get it. I’m hurting like crazy here and I just don’t know what to do. I can’t go through this pain again. :( I feel horrible and would do anything to redo that moment or make it up to her. Any suggestions?
Well we got back together all was good until I went back into my old ways of being insecure and needy. We had a big fight that reminded him of why he broke up with me. We ended up making up and I left the next day to go home ( he lives in the city and I live in the country) he told me he loves me and to let him know when Im moving back in 2months time and he’s going to miss me until then. When I got home I overcontacted him I apologized, he said it was ok. 2weeks later I pressured him and push cause I wanted to move down alread, he got angree and brought up the argument we last had and told be he has no interest in seeing me. After 2weeks we talked and he was ok and was back to asking me to let him know when I’m moving back. But I played into my insecurity and overcontacted again calls, texts, emails. He has now ask that I don’t call him as he has nothing to say to me and he’s going interstate to stay with his friend for a while. So yeah Ive messed up. Going to give him space for a while and see what happens. I don’t believe it’s a lost cause, I really have to change.
Hello …love warriors..I very recently ended a 4 yr relationship. ..the last 2 of those 4 yrs we lived 2gether..I’m opting for “no contact” 4 now…..what confuses me..and this question is really for the men is…why would he want to make love to me …when he knew we were going our separate ways…he was very determined to make that happen….I really don’t think that was fair or right….note:…& he contacted me days after our departure..saying he’s glad to hear my voice & he’s thinking about me every minute of the day…wow…smh…pls Jason tell me why he did the lovemaking….b4 it ended….#sleeplessnights #lotsoftears #discardedprincessginger
The next thing I want you to do is to stop running from your painful emotions and embrace them. We women tend to stuff down our emotions for fear that a man will get scared by them and run away. But the real truth is that men LOVE our emotional nature – it’s drama that they can’t tolerate. When we learn to get in touch with our feelings and express them in a non–judging, non–critical way, a man will not feel blamed and will feel COMPELLED to open his heart to you.
Always keep in mind, an attractive women to a man is someone who knows how to balance being independent and shows his softer vulnerable so his boyfriend able to ‘protect’ her. Even if you don’t want to be protected by anyone then still you have to show some vulnerability to awaken your man’s natural protection ability. A man who protects you is a man who is deeply connected with you in a relationship.
This will immediately trigger the same reactions in your ex-girlfriend that accepting the breakup from the beginning would have had. She’ll want to know exactly what triggered your change of heart and whether or not you’re getting on with your life. Your ex is counting on the chase, even if she’s not ready to restart a relationship with you. You’re reversing roles and making her want to chase you instead.
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My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…
I discovered I was pregnant I wanted to keep the baby but he wanted me to have an abortion. After too much pressure from him I gave in and aborted. He’s gone MIA ever since, he won’t respond to texts and only answers my calls after like the fourth ring I apologized this morning for being too demanding about the abortion money he said that he would think about it and that he would organize on how I’d get my stuff from his place. I really love him and I don’t know what to do or where to begin without him. Can the no contact rule to work in this case? Do I have any chances?
This was 4 mouths ago. Then we saw us again had dinner, he was absolutly crazy about me but he was also pretty clear saying that he loving is new life and wants to stay single for some years.lol So when we were in the car i convince him to do it one last time. He was all ” thats not correct we still have feelings and i know what i want” we did it and it was more incredible. After that he writes me saying im amazing and he wants to do it again..
Right now you may not believe that all these can push your girlfriend further away and cancel out your chances of getting her back. What can actually help you will seem meaningless, but it is a mistake to think so. There are entire methodologies created to explain female psychology! In this book you will learn the steps you can take to get your girlfriend to become agreeable and pleasant. She will unlikely be able to resist you. It is just the way women are built.
Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. It's not unheard of for a couple to get back together after they've taken time away from each other, so don't give up hope. Just be sure to put plenty of thought into the reasons you broke up before attempting to get back together, as this can help you make the relationship work the second time around.