“I recently got back in touch with my ex and we’re trying to make it work again. What I felt really helped me through the process was the no contact rule for at least three months and truly working on yourself and learning to find happiness outside of the relationship. I got involved with different hobbies, such as sports/working out to make myself feel good, as well as go back to salsa dancing which was something I love to do.”
I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year, and she just broke up with me because she seems to care more about her friends than she does our relationship. she wont make time for me and ever sinse we split she refuses to talk to me. I’m heartbroken completely. because we used to be perfect. how do i get her to speak to me again even though she doesnt want to, i need her, please help!
A huge obstacle to getting your ex back is fixating on the relationship, pining for what was lost, and wishing things would be different. Not only is it an obstacle to getting the relationship you want, but it is also an obstacle to your own sense of peace. Think about it. Most suffering arises from wanting the present moment or present situation to be different than what it is.
You have to look at both negative and positive aspects of your ex and your relationship. Every couple on the face of this planet fights, but if you two broke up, then chances are there was something seriously wrong with your relationship. Think about your relationship rationally. Don’t let your emotions control your thoughts. Imagine, you are a parent and your child was in the same situation as you, would you still tell your son or daughter to get their ex back?
I’m sorry Eileen, i keep bugging…but he thinks I’m playing mind games w him bc I messed up in the beginning and it was a complete misunderstanding… and said if I don’t get in touch with him that he will find someone else to keep himself from getting depressed. It’s funny bc ever since I been giving him space, he been trying to text and call me alot…this guy is very difficult since I used to push him away bc I felt like I was not good enough for him…I’m trying to b positive
First, like an old house undergoing renovation, you don’t fix the cracks in the walls first, and then fix the cracks in the foundation. You work on the foundation first. Your relationship needs foundational work. Patching other problems first only provides a short-term fix; the “cracks” will reappear much sooner than you think. And their reappearance will only dishearten you, making future repair attempts less likely. Your marital problems developed over time, and it will take time to repair the damage.
Good question! There really are so many angles to cover in this day and age. I guess technically opening a snapchat doesn’t count as making “contact,” but I also just don’t think it’s a good idea. I also recognize how hard it is to fight the temptation and not open it. So my advice would be to send him a quick message if he sends you snapchats being like, “I really need some time for myself right now and would appreciate it if you wouldn’t contact me,” and then don’t respond further if he does keep reaching out. And if you can be really strong, then ignore the snapchats. Hope this helps!
My boyfriend of almost a year, we would have been a year Wednesday, 2 days from now, broke up with me Friday. He says he is fed up and he gave me so much chances and I kept doing the same thing over and over. Quarreling about the past. Accusing him of stuff he didn’t do. He was a perfect boyfriend, seemed too good to be true. He is the man of my dreams. We were friends before we got together. I was cheated on in the past and that has been holding me back since. I became fearful and paranoid. He did give me chances, I promised to change yet I still kept being negative. He says he wants a more positive girlfriend and he still loves me. It seems like we are broken up for good. I lost the man of my dreams. My advice to you is to stop being hard on yourself, we are all humans and are not perfect. Some of us need to learn a lesson five or six or a hundred times before it actually sticks. What matters is at the end we learn it. I have since decided to be positive about the situation, I have hurt him and I have decided to not beg. People are attracted to confidence. I have accepted my mistakes and decided to forgive myself. Only then I can accomplish anything. He is a great guy and tomorrow I plan to go see him and sees if he will speak to me do I can apologize in person. He deserves it. I want to thank him for all our memories as well. I hope he agrees to see me. I just want a peace of mind. I am sure he is hurting just as how I am. Fill yourself with love first and you will attract the right person into your life. If it was meant to be, it will!!!!!! Trust and have faith in yourself and keep positive. It will be hell, but everything gets better with time. He didn’t deserve this and he never did anything to betray my trust. But now I have lost his. I didn’t want to lose him but I did. My advice may be weird but life goes on. It will hurt like hell but believe that you can change and you are halfway there already.
This is when I felt like I really met Mary. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t jealous, and I wasn’t distracted—I had a clear mind, and I loved her. She was the kind of girl I’d always call back, and always take out for dates, and always hold hands with. She’s the kind of girl I never want to be away from. I’d seen what life looked like without Mary (cue damp Jimmy Stewart shouting “Mahhhhrrrrrryyyyy, don’t you remember me Mary?” in It’s a Wonderful Life), and I had a new appreciation for her. I loved the person she had turned into: She had built a life for herself in New York and was the person I know she always wanted to be—she grew her bangs out, too, which I guess is a big thing for women?
My boyfriend and I were together for almost 3 yrs our relationship was amazing u til I made the biggest mistake of my life by sleeping with someone else. Eventually my boyfriend found out and he gave me a chance to try and make him fall in love with me again. It seem to work for about 6 mo the we were doing very well but I had a car accident became very depressed and had severe anxiety I asked him for support a week later he told me he no longer felt the same way about. He said he really tried after I messed up but now he just wasn’t in love with me. I really live him and want to make things work out. Anyone have any advice?
My boyfriend and I broke up 4 days ago. We started having problems a few months ago and we just couldn’t fix them. It seemed like he just gave up on the relationship. We both still have feelings for each other, but we were both unhappy and stressed out. He started not texting me back, so I went psycho on him with my drunk texts and calls. That pushed him away and we broke up. He said right now isn’t the best time for our relationship and he does not want to put me first. Anyway, I really hope these steps work!
Please help me build a strong relationship with the man I love. I turn to you because I cant do this alone, I want YOUR Guidance so we can one day become a solid relationship with YOU in mind before anything. Please help us grow as a couple and love one another the way that YOU want us to. I love this man very much, we both have strong personalities that can clash, but I very much want this relationship to work. In Jesus’ Mighty Name I Pray to YOU!….AMEN!
I really like the links from the first comment. I think as long as the two people love each other it doesn't matter what they did. unless its cheating. Trust is hard for me to understand. MY bf doesn't trust me and even though he has done things to break my trust in different ways I feel like I know him and can understand he's just a human and we make some mistakes sometimes. I try and change how he wants me to, to be a better person and show him I do care but somehow its not ever enough. I do not know how I can show him I care. He wants a big grand gesture but I do not have money or an idea of what to do. He said something like seeing him at work would make him feel like I care but when I didn't do u it his time limit that I didn't even know about he got mad. I just want to show him he is special but every little thing doesn't mean anything to him anymore. I can say I felt like how he describes because he hurt me and I didn't care about anything but distressing helped me see more clearly and what I needed to. I think that's what's going on with him because he hasn't been able to distress.
St. Jude, please pray for me and watch over my relationship. I’m so confused as to why things aren’t going smoothly and why he doesn’t realize my love for him. I ask that you may help us, and strengthen us. That our love may grow as well as our faith, loyalty, respect and above all trust. I ask that you may help me and guide me into the path that I’m meant to be on, and also that he may not take it for granted. Please help me St. Jude, I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I feel so hopeless, the disrespect, and I feel the drive to fight for me fading…. please help it stop. Please let things get better between us. Because it’s him, and I love him to much to stop fighting for him. I just pray that he feels the same for me. I trust in you. Amen.
My girlfriend told me she did not love me the same way she used to. That I was more of a best friend type of love… She has new friends that go out alot and she also started to drink socially.. Im not sure this is a cry for independence or because her parents do not a good relationship . So i wondered if she imprinted her dads action on to me as I would treat her as he treats her and her mom….. I tried telling her I could do things differently and so on but she starts med school soon and I am not sure if she wants to be independent or what… I have not texted her and deleted my own facebook to avoid contact. She didnt cheat, we didnt end on a argument. I was the one who said okay goodbye. And thats the last time I talked to her ( 2 weeks ago). Any ideas on what i should do?
If your ex has fallen into the friend zone (for example, if he or she says "I'm no longer in love with you"), you might be able to recreate the experience of falling in love by building intimacy with your ex. In one study, a researcher had two strangers stare into each other's eyes and then answer personal questions (like "What is your biggest fear?" and "What is your best memory from childhood?"). They were able to create an intimate bond between the strangers, creating attraction and even the feelings of love. Try spending time looking into your ex's eyes and asking deep questions and see if this helps move your relationship back into intimate territory.
To save a relationship, you must allow her to feel as though you are doing it for the both of you because you want to take of the love that you and her have shared so far. It can’t be just about you getting her to want to be with you. It has to be about you guiding both yourself and her into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction. Not just for your benefit, but for her benefit also.
We’ll i hope theres someone out there that can truly help me with all BS aside… Im senior at my hight school and my girlfriend is a junior. I know my girlfriend left me for pressuring her of wanting to hang out more when she was busy with school… But i have an explanation for my behavior…soo me and my girl friend where going to be 1 year in may 8th of 2014 but she broke up with me may 4th :,( … Im not going to lie i would get mad at my girlfriend but its only cuz i wanted to talk to her more…try to understand that i started going out with her my junior year with 2 months of school left and then i got use to seeing her everyday and hanging out with her nearly everyday…so once school started , it was hard for me to make that transition of not seeing/hanging out with her so i would finish my hwk and work hard so i could talk to her yet sometimes she would procrastinate so most of the time she called to say goodnight and i just felt bad cuz i really love this girl and wanted to talk to her ….im not going to lie we both have our attitudes but ill admit me more than her …she never did nothing but love me…she didnt judge me even though im pretty skinny yet i would be an ass and jude her at time …ima admit compared to her i was an ass …all i really wanted to do was keep communication but i added more stress on top of her school stress …now shes gone and its been 5 days since she broke up with me on may 4th and its just really hard cuz shes tells me that shell think of me and her getting back together but that she wont consider it…so it just brings me down….we’ve been through so much for her to just cut it …her mom and dad were surprised that she broke up with me cuz they even said i respected her a lot …so im trying not to listen to her negative comments because she might not mean it and shes just saying it right now so i figured ill give her space but i really need some advice to win her back …i want her back and i just cant let go…don’t think that because were teenagers its just young foolish love …i really do love her and believe anything is possible …after all we did start of as strangers and she rejected me the first time and after 2 months i asked her and won her…this girl is really special and i know i took her for granted and that was wrong of me…HELP PLEASE… Ima give her space and not text her or do anything else so she can hopefully think of things but i honestly need advice..please
NOTE: YOUR mate value/perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship. You CAN become that guy (again), and I’m happy to teach you how. Begin the process with my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Your results page will then guide you further from there on what to do to get this girl back.
You may worry about the old adage, “Out of sight, out of mind,” and use that as a justification to reach out. The thought of him moving on and forgetting about you is too terrifying to bear. One little text won’t hurt, you reason. But, in this instance, it will hurt. If you want your ex back, it is important that you strictly adhere to the no contact rule.
Luckily, the period of no contact will give you the time to put in place practices and structures to help you drop your stories and see things in a more positive light. Journaling, meditating, and yoga also helps. Maybe it sounds a little too new-age for you, but intense emotional experiences can send your thoughts into overdrive, so it’s really important to try and find a stillness within and learn to quiet your mind, or at least slow it down a bit.
And now he is texting me everyday, not a lot but to know how i’m doing, says I can talk to him whenever I want, that he wants us to stay best friends like we used to and that he wants me to “be myself” with him, text him whatever I want…But I know he doesnt really want to talk to me, like if he has a problem he will go to someone else. I think he is mostly being nice, and trying to ease the break up for himself by not losing me completely (he said that if we keep talking its easier cause it’s “more normal”).
You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.”
A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.
We women tend to think that giving and giving to a man will bring him closer. And this includes doing things like checking up on him to see how he’s doing. It’s what I call “overfunctioning.” Don’t do it! A man is accustomed to valuing what he has to work for, so if you put in effort and make it easy for him, he will actually value you less. We work hard because we think that if we don’t he’ll assume we don’t care enough about him, and he’ll go away. But this is simply untrue. If you lean back and let go of the reigns, you give your boyfriend the chance to see what it feels like to be without you, and if he’s worth it you will get your boyfriend back. Remember this: men commit to you not because they want to be with a woman, but because they can’t stand to be WITHOUT you. Let him feel what it’s like NOT to have you in his life.
By reaching out too soon, you risk falling into a post-relationship relationship. Meaning you talk on occasion and you hang out from time to time, but your relationship is totally undefined and the needle doesn’t seem to be moving in one direction or the other. That’s because you’re both lacking clarity and that’s because you need a period of no contact to get your minds straight. If you don’t take this time, everything will remain cloudy and confusing.
Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.
Oh my lord Jesus, you know everything, what is going inside me and what sufferings I have. Lord my prayers to you to save my relation with Him . My prayers to you to make him understand how much I care and asks for him, my prayers to you to make him feel everything what I am going through. My prayers to you to make him free from the anger which he possess . I surrender to you my lord . You are the only one who can help me . My faith in you is strong as my existence as pure as my thoughts. My givings to you my Lord. Help me Lord. Send him back in my life . Please , please , please 🙁 .. Help me Lord, help me.
Such great advice! For the first time since my bf has been ignoring me hardcore, I smiled at the thought that he’s really just a ninny ? The jerk left without a word and won’t pick up the phone when I call… No explanation just disappeared (I assume he’s my ex now?). I think I can handle ignoring him now. It’ll be hard, but this is encouraging. Thanks!
My ex ended it just a couple of days ago, we were fighting over stupid things and we just struggled to compromise with each other. He says he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, but I miss and love him Sooo much! We used to have fights were we almost broke up but it was then fine, so I’m struggling with this because all the other times it was okay because we knew how much we loved each other. But the times we fought were mostly over text because we only got to see each other once or twice a week so, so much of our communication was over text. But when we were together it was perfect and we were so in love. I’m just struggling so much right now I just don’t know what to do. I know everyone keeps saying you just need time and then see how it is but it’s just soooo hard. all I want to do is talk to him! We have ended on good term atm cos we agreed to be friends. I don’t know if I should still have hope we could be together again or I should just move on!