The next thing I want you to do is to stop running from your painful emotions and embrace them. We women tend to stuff down our emotions for fear that a man will get scared by them and run away. But the real truth is that men LOVE our emotional nature – it’s drama that they can’t tolerate. When we learn to get in touch with our feelings and express them in a non–judging, non–critical way, a man will not feel blamed and will feel COMPELLED to open his heart to you.
Give her some space. The first thing you need to do is give the girl some space. If you start knocking down her door and calling her every five minutes she'll only pull further away from you. The amount of space and time you give her depends on what happened when you tried to date her. If you ended a serious relationship, you'll need to give her more space than you would if you had just dated a few times.
My ex and I were together 9 yrs. I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn’t love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn’t find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it’s business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn’t paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn’t look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn’t get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend.
Some of these problems include conflicts about who does what about the house or who decides what to do on a particular weekend. Other problems dissolve when it is understood– however long it takes to make the other person understand– just how strongly that person feels about certain matters. Examples of these solvable problems are: how much time one person spends at work or away from the other, which chores are really very difficult for the other person, how much sex they should have, how to handle disobedient children, how to spend money as investments or on vacation, how messy or clean the house should be, who does the cleaning, how to deal with fears of one sort or another. One spouse is not made weaker by considering what the other needs or wants.
My ex and me were together for a lil over 4 months, last july we went to california and stayed with his family, after we got back he started acting distant, then he started hanging out with a girl, and kept sneaking off to go hangout with her, i asked him if he wanted us to workout, he said he didnt know what he wanted and he wanted to do his own thang, so i got upset and had a friend tell him i was seeing someone else, he got mad yelled at me and asked me who i kissed, who im dating, and who im cheating on him with, i wasn’t and there was no other guy, i loved him, i just wanted him to come back, well she broke up with him, then he came back to me and asked if we could work it out, i said yes, the next day he was back with her, so when he tried talking to me i was soo upset that i told him to just go be with her and to leave me alone, seeing them together everyday was killing me slowly i couldn’t eat or sleep or focus on my classes for my CNA, he ended up moving away with her Dec. 14, 2012, i was so sad after he left, i started pushing myself harder to get my CNA done, and on March 14, 2013 i passed, Im now a CNA which im very happy about, right now im working on getting a job and a place to live, he lives in Des Moines, i was thinking about moving there, but im heading back to sioux city, only because i dont know anybody in Des Moines, and i have friends and family in sioux city, I still miss him, I still love him, he wrote a friend of mine over facebook and he told her he still has feelings for me, i just wish that he would forget the past and we could start new, ya we had our ups and downs but what couple don’t, i wish that there was someone who could help me get him back i love him.
Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.
This is a great article. Thank you. It made me feel a lot better. I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago and I started seeing someone else right away. Maybe that was a bad idea, because he really was just a “bandaid” and it ended up being an explosive disaster pretty quickly. After that I’ve been feeling incredibly depressed and desperately missing my ex. He was not just my ex but he was also my best friend. However, after reading the “checklist” here, it has helped remind me of the reasons why it didn’t work out between us. We actually broke up dozens of times over the 2 years of our relationship. It was for a reason. He told me we are not right for each other romantically, and I know he is probably right, as much as it hurts me to admit it. I could never picture myself marrying him or having a family with him. But I miss him so much and I want to be friends, but he says we can’t because we’ll just end up getting back together. I know that’s probably true too because we’re attracted to each other naturally. I just can’t understand why we can’t be in each other’s lives at all. I can’t deal with that.
I’m just so confused because there was absolutely no sign that anything had changed. If anything i thought we seemed happier than ever. He text me a few times after the relationship ended 3 weeks ago but since our last conversation there has been zero contact for about 13 days now. And i don’t know how to deal with what’s happened so suddenly or to even try make sense of it. How can we have such a huge history and such a loving relationship then him just seem so cold and be able to cut me off so easy? No body that knows him or us as a couple can believe it. Any advice or thoughts would be hugely appreciated and how should i go about trying to reconcile with him. Thank you xxx
Always keep in mind, an attractive women to a man is someone who knows how to balance being independent and shows his softer vulnerable so his boyfriend able to ‘protect’ her. Even if you don’t want to be protected by anyone then still you have to show some vulnerability to awaken your man’s natural protection ability. A man who protects you is a man who is deeply connected with you in a relationship.
How can you prevent this? Really, change. Make him change too. When you become better, you have the right to expect him to get better too. Build a relationship where you grow and improve together as individuals and partners, not enemy's that slow each other's progress down. He is not yours and never will be, not even when you both have a ring on your finger, so don't view him as a thing you've got a right over, like owning a car or your shoes.
Me and my girl been dating for almost 18 months. And I became depending and demanding which leads to posessive attitude. Starts acting jealous and shit. The last months before we broke up we had a huge fight. We yelled to each other, and she hits and kicks me like crazy and I lose my temper back then. I slap her cheek once (not in purpose) and I cried over her because I felt so wronged for doing that. Things seems to go well, but all of a sudden she blow up some litlle mess into a reason for broke me up. She oftenhy hide something for me. Even lied to me. But I don’t know, my heart still beats for her. I even saw still her posting pics on our date. Been 6 months since we broke up and she never respond to my text and calls. I tried to hold it, but last week we talked through text. And I begged her to come back. Remind her things we used to do. But the answer is “no, I can’t be with you anymore” “don’t bother me!” “Go find another girl, or either I will” . She’s an introvert. I always honest to her. Never mess with any other girl. And I’m the one who took her virginity. I feel responsible for that. I don’t want another man used her! Need to get her back. But none of no talking method works. I feel guilty when I text and begged her after months I gave her own space to cool down. :( I really love her man. Please help me. Desperately needed advice. Thanks a lot. -z-
Dear God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, grandma, grandpa, all the Angels and Saints and Archangels and anyone else I may have missed. Please help me with my relationship. We’ve been together a little over a year and both have young autistic children who are not getting along. We are trying to blend a family and keep moving forward in the right direction but lately have been stressed and fighting. My boyfriend is having a hard time and he’s closing up and giving up on us. Please pray for me and for the five of us. Please pray for my boyfriend. Help him have an open heart and mind and realize that we need each other and will overcome this. Please pray for him and anything he is going through that I do not know about. Please pray for our two little girls as well as the oldest. Please help them get along. Please help me and my jealous ways and help me to fight off all of my insecurities. Please pray for us tonight and everyday and to ward off anyone’s negative thoughts. Please in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
I dont know what to write to him! NC is almost over and he has no social media so he has no idea what I’ve been doing. He also hasn’t contacted me which is okay. I’ve jotted down tons of ideas for my first email to him but I’m very scared. Hes always suspicious of people so I dont want to sound too needy or like I’m trying to use him. He might think if I’m messaging him a month later that I want to use him…hes stubborn as hell as well.
Hey Chris! Okay my issue is abit complicated, my ex and i mate early 2016, by then I think I was the ungetable girl” he perused till I gave in, we started dating, thou he would never introduce me to his friends or family because he claimed they are racist, I am a black lady and his white, so apparently our reletionship was “private “we were happy until december 2016 he resigned from his work place and decided to go bck to his country and promised me he would try to make this work, sometimes I would get mad for not knwing Any of his relatives/ friends , but he said its beyond his control because they would disown him if they found out, so 2017 our reletionship was on and off he was not in a good place career wise, but he kept supporting me and he would get me plane tickets atleast after a month to be with him but still in private, same continued till last year July when he told me he wanted someone close to him coz he is lonely and everyone around him is dating white women so he wants to find one , like any other broken girl I tried begging and convinced him to be with him but he said we better as friends and we both need people close to us, he continued supporting me thou and we kept having sex as friends while long distance I would visit and vice versa until he started hanging around with new friends and my friend’s would see him on dating site’s like tinder trying to move on ,so I found out and we had a big fight ,he kept saying sorry, and deleted tinder but from December his ignoring me, if I don’t text he won’t say a word, so I started no contact 2 weeks now and he hasn’t reached out, I really love him I still want him in my life what should I do?
Whatever you do may cause a suspicious reaction. Don’t get angry or upset. In fact, if you expect a bad reaction, you’ll be better prepared to handle it. You may even find it humorous that you predicted a bad reaction. But don’t be derisive if you mention that. Soothe your spouse’s suspicion or bad reaction with kind words and honesty. Just say that you are trying to improve your relationship with him/her. You may want to avoid using the word “change.” Some people might take it as an attack on their character.
My girl broke up with me a few days ago said she can’t trust me, we don’t spend a lot of time together, my fault really, I miss her so much but she said she wants to forget about me, which she said is very hard, she got some bad advice from her friend and me working late doesn’t help, sooooo she feels like I’ll cheat on her we had talked bout marriage but never made any real decisions, right now she doesn’t wanna know about me, what should I do? Any suggestions?
Lord I come to you with worry on my heart. I broke my boyfriend’s heart, and my have lost him forever. I just ask that you give him the gift of forgiveness. I ask that you open his heart and allow him to see that our relationship is worth saving. I ask that you be a force in our relationship and help us to fight through this terrible time and fix our relationship one day at a time. I don’t know where else to turn and I know that you work miracles. I am asking for a miracle at this point. Things look really bad right now but I know that all I need is faith the size of the mustard seed. I pray that you help me and my boyfriend get through this and I pray that my family stays together, I ask this in your name.
My ex and I dated for 2 years and we broke up 2 months ago. Things were sweet at first ,we clicked in almost every thing,but things turned sour when we both started college…we were both stressed and impatient and eventually we broke into arguments and fights. I complained a lot and started to become unappreciative.Even after the break up, he was still kind to me… I knew the reason why we broke up and I’ve changed,Ive become a better person. (my family and MY EX told me, not my own opinion) but he still doesn’t want to get back together. He suddenly became rude to me and it has been 3 weeks since we last contacted each other. Im not hoping for him to come back anyone soon, but deep down I still love him. Should I even try to win him back again even though I know the consequences? Or just move on and get a new guy?
We also know that there are exceptions. There are relationships that probably should not stay together, such as those with physical violence, cruel and ongoing verbal abuse, extreme anger management issues, or long-term unaddressed substance abuse, for example. If you're in a situation like that, please eek the help of your local crisis management center.