The system is designed to change your understanding of marriage , and especially your understanding of the problems. Here’s why: if you just keep thinking about things the way you have, you will only stay where you have been — stuck and going down! Albert Einstein said “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Maybe he texts you a generic, “Hey, how are you?” If he really misses you, he might even call. Or, maybe you text or call (but remember, this is after a period of no contact that lasts at least four weeks). At this point, there are no hard and fast rules to follow. In fact, there are no rules when it comes to dating in general. Remember before when we talked about people putting on deodorant and perfume on to disguise body odor instead of taking a bath first… well, that’s the same as employing rules that don’t align with where you truly are mentally.
Now, if by happenstance you run into him, that’s a different story. It would be a good idea to be cheerful, positive, and in a good mood when you see him. Don’t get pulled into any conversations about the relationship or any debates about what went wrong, whose fault it was, or anything like that. And don’t be pouty or outright mean. That’s just immature.
It is recommended that you stop contact for at least one month. If you think you need more time, you can extend it. It should be at least a few weeks. If you and your ex have to see each other (due to work or kids) then make sure you keep the conversation professional or just related to the kids. Do not talk about your feelings or your relationship with them.
Sooo, I reconnected with a girl I knew a couple of decades ago. I had a huge crush on her but both of us were married. I’m not now and spent a lot of time on self improvement, which she gravitated towards as she works her way out of another marriage. After about three months of platonic self help counseling we caved…it was intense for about two months; she started working with a counselor to save the marriage/amicably divorce and suggested I pursue other women for awhile. I backed off, maintaining contact via text/cell about every 3 days; not too heavy subjectwise. Made the mistake of telling her I was doing great without her. After that she shut off contact, and responded to my attempts with a hostile voicemail telling me to stop all contact. I went into no contact mode for two weeks, sent a couple of happy holiday texts, then wrote the no contact letter. A week later her husband comes up and introduces himself, tells me he’s in the middle of his divorce and she’s eligible now but has a boyfriend. I reach out for confirmation and to give her a heads up and ask for a meet and am given a letter with all the nevers (never want to talk to you, never want to see you, never be friends, etc) and threatening to go to the cops over stalking. I know I should cut and run but we got so close in those early months…I don’t want to give that up. I also don’t her throwing the stalking card out to everyone…most of all…don’t want the anger, nor do I understand it. How do I turn this around to platonic at the least and repair it to a couple at best? Yeah I called texted lettered about 20 times in 80 days and maybe drove by her house twice but STALKING? I never raised my voice to this woman.
Just a heads up as this is an extremely important section. Remember when we talked abut how you are going to implement the no contact rule for about a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!
By the way, this article is on point!!! Men hate sniffy, sneezy, blubbering women…so quit it!!!!! Just act like you’re some hot chick from baywatch…exercise, take a bubble bath…and mention it to him, wear Paris Hilton perfume, have flippy, blowy hair, perk up the boobies, get your makeup on point, sport an awesome medi/pedi, eyebrow wax, wear Victorias secret body lotion, and dress to kill. Then, act like a man…and get over what ever the problem was so you can have fun…just quit whining!!! Problems with this???? Ask yourself what would the baywatch chick do in this situation. Answer: Smile ’cause she has the man. Now let me add that I hate when women say I tried not to be clingy but I couldn’t help it…go get a hobby, or at least read a book or what about the newspaper…or…the internet….or maybe google how NOT to be overbearing!!! In other words….Get yo’ life! If you simply must blubber and complain, save it for nighttime when you’re alone with your sock monkey!!! You heard of save the drama for your mama, right?
My husband and I got married 4 years ago. We don’t have kids, so we’re enjoying the company of each other. All of the sudden, he changed. He kept on telling lies and he even told his brother that he has another woman. Proud one huh??! He broke up with the me that easy last January, I never granted his wish of breaking up coz hello! we’re not just lovers, we’re married couple! He even yelled at me when I visited him in his office once. I got really depressed and cried my heart out. Now, I just read about your articles and i wanted to try this.. I hope it’s going to work… :-) I’ll keep updates..
My boyfriend broke up with me last week and pretty much out of no where. I’m pretty devastated and having a hard time accepting it. I kinda went bat sh!t crazy texting him 2 days after we broke up. The day after, he would respond and such. The 2nd day he didn’t respond at all and I kinda went crazy, but I don’t think i went over the edge or the limit. 3rd day I didn’t not bother to text him nor attempting in the future. Do you think the 2 days I attempt to contact him will make me like a crazy ex gf? Yesterday, I saw he unfollow me on snapchat, but still have me on FB and IG. Hope you can reply back!
It was clear to me that the authors knew what they were talking about. They know relationships and the methods that can be used to manipulate women. So I started following their advice. My girlfriend began trying to set up a meeting with me. At first, she was pretending that it was coincidental, but then told me straight up that she wanted to work things out! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!
I don’t know if I have done the right thing. I sent my ex an email to say that I didn’t want to leave things on a bad note and that I hope one day he finds that special girl that will make him happy and one that will understand him as he is special and a complex person and that there is only one of him. That in time hopefully we will be able to become friends. Ended with all the best…Have I done the wrong thing as he didn’t answer me and I know he has read the message??
am from canada, would want to tell you all that i was able to put an end to my divorce issue and restore my marriage again, because i never wanted it to happen. i don’t know what came over my husband that he was filling for divorce, i tried to talk him out of it when he told me and he didn’t listen to me, i had no other option than to seek for the help of a spell caster and now am glad i did. Because if not for the help of spell, i don’t know what would have become of me by now because i loved my husband so much that i couldn’t stand loosing him. The spell worked like magic with the way and manner my husband change and started showing love instead of the divorce he was planning. i just too happy that everything is in place for me now. I would gladly recommend the use of spell to any one going through marriage problems and want to put an end to it. [gbojiespiritualtemple@ gmail. com , gbojiespiritualtemple@ yahoo. com or whatsapp : +2349066410185 was were i got the help to restore my marriage]
I met a girl in my work place and we became good friends…she had a bf from college but she was not in good terms with him I mean he had a ex gf and he was nbreaking u. With her and she. Was not sure of him..I asked her to breakup rather than taking it this far..with no intention of us being committed.. Later we became close and got into a relationship known only to my friends and her ex.. After 8-9 months of things going peaceful it started to take a violent turn she still used to talk to her ex sometimes bt later it was on a regular basis now she brokeup with me and is back wit. Him… I am shattered what to do????
Similar situation, Charlotte. I’ve been going through some rough anxiety and depression and have been moody a lot and he decided it is not right for him. We had planned a life together. We were so sure we were meant for each other. I am trying so hard to get back to myself with a change of medication. It’s difficult because we do work together. I’m devastated and lost.
My girlfriend told me she did not love me the same way she used to. That I was more of a best friend type of love… She has new friends that go out alot and she also started to drink socially.. Im not sure this is a cry for independence or because her parents do not a good relationship . So i wondered if she imprinted her dads action on to me as I would treat her as he treats her and her mom….. I tried telling her I could do things differently and so on but she starts med school soon and I am not sure if she wants to be independent or what… I have not texted her and deleted my own facebook to avoid contact. She didnt cheat, we didnt end on a argument. I was the one who said okay goodbye. And thats the last time I talked to her ( 2 weeks ago). Any ideas on what i should do?
First of all getting back together with your ex because you are lonely is not a good idea. What you are experiencing is just one of the symptoms of breakup. Everyone feels like this. And it doesn’t last forever. Secondly, acting like this is only going to make your ex less attracted to you. And even if they do feel pity for you, they are not going to get back together because of it.
If you’re really worried that your ex is going to get into a new relationship, or you know he’s in one and you want to find out whether it’s real or not, this article will give you the signs that his new relationship is a rebound. That way, you can get a definitive answer to the question, “Is he in a rebound relationship?” and move on with putting the no contact rule to work for you.
Be honest about how you feel, within reason. Don't tell her what she might have done wrong in the relationship. Instead, focus on you. Let her know that you've thought a lot about where things went wrong, and show her all the ways in which you've changed. Tell her how you've become more patient, more forgiving, more aware of your own shortcomings, and be sure to back it up with action. If you say you've become more forgiving, be able to show her that you're not as quick to point out other peoples' faults.
Are you ready to hear what you least want to deal with? When you try to address an issue and, as noted above, it isn’t the real issue, it can feel like you’ve been hit with a ton of bricks when the real issue does emerge. For example, a husband or a wife engages in lots of activities away from home. You, as the spouse left at home, believe the problem is your mate doesn’t spend enough time with you and is inconsiderate. And that may very well be true. Sometimes we spread ourselves too thin making commitments to others, and our marriages get neglected as a result. But, there could be another reason. Are you ready to hear that why your spouse is gone so much may be because of you? Do you criticize rather than complain? Which do you find easier to say: “You never spend time with me,” or “We don’t spend time together like we used to.” It doesn’t take much to turn a complaint about something into a criticism of someone. In fact, it is one of the easiest things to do. It can happen unconsciously, and easily become habitual. One result is that the person criticized may start distancing him-/herself from the critic. Now this is only one example of what a real, hidden issue might be. Yours may be different. (In my case, both of us contributed to the real problem, though at the time we thought the other was the problem.) Realizing that you may be the cause of your marital problems can be gut-wrenching. Are you ready to face that possibility?
Here’s my problem, I was begging, pleading, and trying to look pity for my ex-girlfriend just to make her stay. We had sex then goodbye. Then i saw your videos about No Contact Rules. Following your advice about no contact rules was hard as hell. My target is FULL 30 DAYS no contact but in my two weeks of battle. Suddenly she texted me, i try to ignore her, then she call me using other number so we talked since its likely rude to ignore her at all. She told me she wasn’t happy in her new bf. She felt sorry for me. She’s asking me if there was any chance to rebuild our relationship?Is she still welcome to my life? I told her i am awesome now, i currently dating to someone else the she get madly jealous. She doesn’t want me to date others.She really want to see me but ill be the one who refuse to see her. I told her i will only see you when you come back to me. She wanted me to stick around but u said to your videos not to get in friendzone.
I am going to warn you now. You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him. If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten. Well, it seldom works that way. Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse. Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again. It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states. So just cool your heels and keep reading!
He broke up with me last Monday after 1 year and 3 months, for me it was the happiest time of my life and we never fought and had a happy and loving relationship. Reading this has really helped me as I’m going into my second week of NC tomorrow. I genuinely think we both needed a break but I’m not going to sit here and believe that we’re gonna get back together I’m just going to do my 4 Week Detox, then go from there. Wish me luck . X
I get it and I’ve been there. You miss him, you miss all of his quirks and jokes and the way that he made you feel. You miss the way that YOU felt and the girl that you were when you were with him when the relationship was good. You make an excuse for and justify everything that he did that was wrong, disrespectful and hurtful because you feel like it was you that provoked it and made him act out. You just want him back, no matter what. how to get your ex boyfriend back
Dear God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, grandma, grandpa, all the Angels and Saints and Archangels and anyone else I may have missed. Please help me with my relationship. We’ve been together a little over a year and both have young autistic children who are not getting along. We are trying to blend a family and keep moving forward in the right direction but lately have been stressed and fighting. My boyfriend is having a hard time and he’s closing up and giving up on us. Please pray for me and for the five of us. Please pray for my boyfriend. Help him have an open heart and mind and realize that we need each other and will overcome this. Please pray for him and anything he is going through that I do not know about. Please pray for our two little girls as well as the oldest. Please help them get along. Please help me and my jealous ways and help me to fight off all of my insecurities. Please pray for us tonight and everyday and to ward off anyone’s negative thoughts. Please in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Here’s my story, I would love to hear your insight and advice. I was with my bf , he’s 23, I’m 19, for a few months and I fell in love for the first time. After all the guys I’ve dated I’ve never ever felt this way with someone and the feelings were mutual, he told me loved me, wanted to marry me and have a family with me one day, he too said he has never felt this way before with anyone . It was genuine and loving and I saw a future with this guy which I’ve never seen with anyone and he the same. We spent a lot of time together, got to know each other, but he was insecure at times, worried about other guys which he didn’t have to do. At moments he pulled away, which I know guys do sometime, but the problem for me was they he would blow me off for his friends when we had plans, he just wouldn’t think and was in the moment. I told him on several occasions, it wasn’t cool, we’re together and you just can’t ditch me, he’d apologize, say he was wrong, etc. tbh, I felt like he was testing me, to see how much I’d put up with, but after speaking with him several times, he did it again. So after a week of him trying to see me, ( I put him off) I broke up with him, on the phone, I know I shouldn’t have done it that way, it was impulsive and stupid, but I was fed up. I felt like he was taking me for granted and I wasn’t going to put up with it. I have it together, I’m going to school full time, working full time, im smart, fun, good looking & athletic, I’m not trying to be arrogant and sound full of myself, it’s not my intent, but I’m secure and confident and I know my worth. In hind sight, I should’ve talked to him in person, I was wrong to do it that way. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard, I do care about him and miss him but we had no contact for 4 weeks, until I saw him at work one day, I was surprised to see him as we wouldn’t normally run into each other. He came right up to me and hugged me, he was so warm affectionate, I couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t leave my side, hugged me from behind, any excuse to touch me or talk to me. We did talk for a bit, he apologized again to me for treating me the way he did, and was def remorseful. I apologized too for breaking up with him the way I did, and said I was wrong to do that to you. And that I didn’t break up because I didn’t love him or have feelings for him but because I felt he didn’t respect my time or value me. He also asked me if I was dating and was bold enough to asked if I hooked up with anyone,(which I have not) he was annoyed thinking about it. I told him I did not, and that I cared about him. I prob made a mistake saying that, even if it was true, it gave him peace of mind I def don’t have. I am asked out and dating but didn’t tell him, another mistake . He said he wanted to get together and talk more, but couldn’t after work because he had a meeting.that evening. So we went our separate ways. I texted him a few days later saying it was good to see him and let’s get together soon, we texted back and forth a bit, but never went anywhere . So that’s a little over 2 weeks ago, and I have not texted him, not looked at social media, nothing, fell off the earth. I felt he was avoiding me or not sure, I just don’t know. I felt he still cares about me based on when I saw him, but he’s not tried to see me. I heard he’s dating someone too. As much as it hurts and I still care about him, I care about myself more and won’t put up with not being treated right. In the mean time, I’m living my life, focusing on myself, school, work, friends & family. I’m also continuing to date. I would love your help and opinion on what to do, I would love to work things out but we are at a stand still. Thank you 🙂
You have the attraction back by this point already from the previous steps, so most of what you need to do now is just get out of your own way, and let the getting-back-together process happen on its own. In other words, you need to know what mistakes to AVOID, to prevent yourself from sabotaging the getting-back-together process, which is supposed to happen fairly naturally after the first 7 steps.
Seeing that your ex-girlfriend is moving on by getting into a relationship with another guy can be extremely disheartening, and you may think that all hope is lost. That’s not necessarily the case. Rebound relationships are prevalent when one person doesn’t want to work on the issues that came up during their breakup, and rebound relationships simply don’t last. By diving into a new relationship, your ex is trying to avoid dealing with her feelings for you. That new relationship simply won’t measure up.
Your story is very similar to mine. He was dating another girl but i didnt know it. He came back to me several times but didnt want to work things out so i blocked him from social media. that was three months ago. He has been dating that girl for several months even when when he was trying to convince me that he still loved me and missed me but because of my shortcomings he couldnt be with me. Now they are a couple and he hasnt tried to reach out. i changed my number though.
The love that you and a woman share NEVER goes away. What happens is that the love gets pushed into the background because of all the negative feelings in the foreground. To get back in touch with the loving feelings you once experienced with each other, you need to make changes to your behavior and how you treat her. When you do this correctly, the love naturally comes flooding back.
My boyfriend and I just broke up a few days ago. He said it wasn’t working out between us. He said that we argue too much and that I get frustrated way too easily. We did argue and I would get mad over little things. But we would always talk out the issues and for the most part move on from them. Recently I had become really jealous of this girl that works with us. I felt like she was extra flirty with him and it made me feel insecure. I talked to him about it and told him to say something to her about it. He declined saying that it would make there working relationship awkward. He said I should trust him and he does not like her. I kept pressing. The next day he broke up with me. I really care about him and I want him back. I’ve been texting him constantly and I feel bad for doing that. I will give him some space to think and hopefully this will help us. I really want us to be together.
You get the Save The Marriage System, the bonus audios, a bonus set of rules for fair fighting, and a complete bonus ebook! If I haven’t managed to convince you by now, it is time for me to give up! If this is not right for you, then please, move on. But, if you are really ready to take action, I can give you the tools you need! Please, take action and Save Your Marriage