By reaching out too soon, you risk falling into a post-relationship relationship. Meaning you talk on occasion and you hang out from time to time, but your relationship is totally undefined and the needle doesn’t seem to be moving in one direction or the other. That’s because you’re both lacking clarity and that’s because you need a period of no contact to get your minds straight. If you don’t take this time, everything will remain cloudy and confusing.
Now, I know that is easier said than done. Accepting “what is” requires putting down your judgments and assessment of things as good or bad. And, that can be extremely difficult to do especially when society has trained us from birth to call certain things good, righteous, and desirable and other things bad, wrong, or detestable – and has also taught us that being in a romantic relationship is the most noteworthy human accomplishment.

In most cases, a woman will be feeling unsatisfied for months or even years before she breaks up with her man. Why so long? Humans try to hold on to the loving relationships in their life. It’s a natural instinct. In addition to that, break ups feel like crap. It’s a horrible experience, especially if you are unsure whether or not you will feel okay on your own.

So my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks before Christmas and I’ve tryed everything to get him back. It looks like its hopeless even though we are really good friends now and he seems into me again. I just don’t know if I should see if he really ever liked me or if he still does. We’ve been together before, although it took a year and a half to get back together. I’m wondering of the spark is still there!
My boyfriend is not really successful and it made me worry if he could support the family if we ever get to that point. It bothers me a lot. He’s 35 and I’m 23 so he’s close to that point of having a family, and we even started talking about babies and moving in. Until I met my boss, who likes me a lot. I let him bring me to some fancy places where my boyfriend can’t, he even buy me gifts. I felt good and secured coz he’s a nice guy and could take care of me. And my boyfriend caught us through my phone. I realized how much I hurt him and regret what I’ve done. I want him back but he already put restraining order for me and said leave him alone or else he’s gonna file a report of harassment if I don’t stop texting me. I want him back. I don’t wanna be with anybody. I know I did something really stupid but now I realized how much he means to me. I want things to go back to what it used to be.im ready to change and Make myself better. But do u think he’s still gonna forgive me for what I’ve done?

You are always going to come up with some reason why you have to contact him. You saw sneakers he would love on sale, you saw a meme he would find hilarious, it’s his birthday, it’s his dog’s birthday, you really want to update him on your crazy co-worker and the latest installment of her shenanigans, and on and on. But you must resist! Recognize what’s really happening, there is nothing urgent you need to tell him, you just want to talk to him because you miss him. But remember reaching out at this stage will not bring him back into your life.
I enjoyed reading your above article and while most of it is useful to me, my situation is a little more complex. The ex that I want back isn’t a recent ex. we broke up in high school. Well I say broke up but more like I just ignored him (give me a break I was 16). He didnt treat me bad and neither of us cheated on each other. He was my first real boyfriend and I realized that this could be way more then I was emotionally prepared for. After high school I emailed him apologizing for my stupid behavior and immaturity but he didn’t reply. Karma at its finest! I told myself then that ‘well I trided, move on’ Recently while reading another article he came into mind and hasn’t left. He has consumed my brain. He lives on the other side of the country and has a girlfriend (I can add Facebook stalker to my resume now) I know I hurt him but I feel like we have “unfinished business”. How do I get his attention again?How do I make him want to contact me even if it is to tell me to go pound sand?
My boyfriend of almost a year, we would have been a year Wednesday, 2 days from now, broke up with me Friday. He says he is fed up and he gave me so much chances and I kept doing the same thing over and over. Quarreling about the past. Accusing him of stuff he didn’t do. He was a perfect boyfriend, seemed too good to be true. He is the man of my dreams. We were friends before we got together. I was cheated on in the past and that has been holding me back since. I became fearful and paranoid. He did give me chances, I promised to change yet I still kept being negative. He says he wants a more positive girlfriend and he still loves me. It seems like we are broken up for good. I lost the man of my dreams. My advice to you is to stop being hard on yourself, we are all humans and are not perfect. Some of us need to learn a lesson five or six or a hundred times before it actually sticks. What matters is at the end we learn it. I have since decided to be positive about the situation, I have hurt him and I have decided to not beg. People are attracted to confidence. I have accepted my mistakes and decided to forgive myself. Only then I can accomplish anything. He is a great guy and tomorrow I plan to go see him and sees if he will speak to me do I can apologize in person. He deserves it. I want to thank him for all our memories as well. I hope he agrees to see me. I just want a peace of mind. I am sure he is hurting just as how I am. Fill yourself with love first and you will attract the right person into your life. If it was meant to be, it will!!!!!! Trust and have faith in yourself and keep positive. It will be hell, but everything gets better with time. He didn’t deserve this and he never did anything to betray my trust. But now I have lost his. I didn’t want to lose him but I did. My advice may be weird but life goes on. It will hurt like hell but believe that you can change and you are halfway there already.
It's important to not just talk, but to listen and hear what your partner has to say about what's going on in your relationship.[5] You can show you're listening by summarizing what your partner has to say to show you've understood what he or she has said. You can also ask questions that show you've heard what the person has said and that you want to know more.
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