Impossible as it may seem, I have created techniques which transform relationships… even when only one person is trying! My typical client is a spouse that wants to save their relationship when their partner has already “given up.”Most therapists work from the assumption that, if only one person wanted to work on the relationship, it was impossible to fix. I don’t approach marriage crises this way. I approach them like an algebra equation. If one side of the equation is changed, the other side must change! Incredibly, my clients have achieved an 89.7% success rate. . . even if only one spouse starts the process! (Findings based on surveys. Individual results can vary.)
So if your relationship with your ex stayed the same after 6 months or after a year (in other words if it failed to evolve and grow), then it would have violated her desire for relationship progression. It would have made her realize that you are not the guy who’s going to give her a long-term partnership and finally a family. She would then have seen you as a poor suitor, dumped you and gone off to find a guy who shows more signs of commitment and long-term suitability.
If your breakup hit you completely unexpectedly and you didn’t see it coming, it’s probably hitting you really hard. You need to pick yourself up from the ground, dig the stiletto out of your still-beating heart and figure out where to go from here. Immediately following the breakup is the pivotal moment where you need to exercise caution. You can’t afford to throw yourself a pity party right now, and chugging a case of beer isn’t going to help clear your mind. You need to get going and take the best possible steps to reconnect your relationship, and you need to start now.
It's important to not just talk, but to listen and hear what your partner has to say about what's going on in your relationship. You can show you're listening by summarizing what your partner has to say to show you've understood what he or she has said. You can also ask questions that show you've heard what the person has said and that you want to know more.