So it’s been about 4 months since me and my x broke up. We broke up because she got jealous about other women who were giving me attention, and i lied about one of these girls at a party and i just got too comfortable and didn’t show interest. Well then after we broke up i made out with one of the girls and i told her about it and it devestated her. I told her the kiss meant nothing and I was thinking about her when it happened. We’ve hung out like 7 times since the break up and things got pretty affectionate 4 out of the 7 times. It’s just been a rough past summer for me in general with my grandpa passing away and adjusting to all this change. I do love the girl and I’m attempting to get her back by going to her school which is an hour away and serenading her wih a guitar right on campus haha. We’ve broken up before about 2 years ago and I did the same thing just outside of her house. What do you think of this? She has me blocked on facebook and snapchat, yet we still keep in touch through text and phone calls and shes friends with my mom on facebook still haha. And I still remain very close with her family

One of the most devastating mistakes you can make is trying to force it to work with a guy who is wrong with you. I’ve seen people spend years of their life trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. Everyone in their life tells them to just move on and let him go but they can’t. Why? Because they don’t have clarity or any objectivity because they are still sucked into the emotional whirlpool and have yet to break themselves free.
Hi Desireen. Nope…you are not crazy! You just want to figure out how to make things feel better for yourself and improve your chances. Its OK that you may have made some mistakes. He made plenty to. We all do. What matters is going forward and what you do. So its good to have an ex recovery plan, both for yourself and also doing things to optimize your chances of getting your ex back. My program is all about that. Go to my site’s home page to learn more about my ebooks, tools, resources, and many other things!
This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.
I know I posted something similar to this but I would like more advice from everyone. Would appreciate it. So you see,my ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after being with him for 16 months. Im 23 and he’s 26. He said he has thought it through and wants to be friends. I am so heartbroken that it has been so difficult for me to do school work and everything else. He’s someone I truly love and I thought we had something special. He was someone who I thought I was going to marry someday. He told me he loved me and would never leave me, well I guess I got fooled on that one. We did talk about our future about getting married and what not and so I need help in showing him what he’s missing and see how lucky of a wonderful woman he had in his life. So I need help in getting him back permanently.To also add that he told me that he can’t imagine his life without me and it would be weird if I wasn’t in his life anymore so I don’t know if that means something or not.
My first ever boyfriend of 4 years plus broke up with me by saying “let’s just be friends”, “I don’t see a future with you anymore, I’ve tried but I just can’t.”, “You’ve to understand that it’s not you, it’s me. Even if you change, I’ll still be the same and eventually the same problem will unfold and we’ll quarrel again”. I’ve sent him threads of messages saying I’ll change and will be able to overlook issues and gradually hope that things will change for the better, but he seems to have made up his mind and wanna end this relationship with me.
I care for him deeply and last text i saent was letting him know that im flad he is taking the time to get better and that nevertheless I miss his company and hope to meet soon on a positive note. He hasnt responded and I feel even worse… I miss him and do want him back or at least hope if he does the work on himself..he realizes what i brought to the relationship..is it too late for no contact in this situation. He is known for making rash decisions during times he is overwhlemed. This breakup however seems he has confirmed it as opposed to before he did this the first time…
The day we broke up, we went out fishing with two friends and it was really cool, and we went to see some of his friends play handball ( which is a very important part of his liife, but i have never played, so don’t really care, but I wanted to make the effort for him and to be with him). I was doing so good until he decided to go play ball with his friends during half time, leaving me alone on my chair, while I had come to be with him. There were two people I had talked to before close by ( which was his excuse to leave me) but they were talking the foreign language and imagine how hard it is to engage in the conversation when you don’t know what it,s about and you need to switch language… So i got mad at him and told him it wasn’t cool to leave me on my own.
My boyfriend is not really successful and it made me worry if he could support the family if we ever get to that point. It bothers me a lot. He’s 35 and I’m 23 so he’s close to that point of having a family, and we even started talking about babies and moving in. Until I met my boss, who likes me a lot. I let him bring me to some fancy places where my boyfriend can’t, he even buy me gifts. I felt good and secured coz he’s a nice guy and could take care of me. And my boyfriend caught us through my phone. I realized how much I hurt him and regret what I’ve done. I want him back but he already put restraining order for me and said leave him alone or else he’s gonna file a report of harassment if I don’t stop texting me. I want him back. I don’t wanna be with anybody. I know I did something really stupid but now I realized how much he means to me. I want things to go back to what it used to be.im ready to change and Make myself better. But do u think he’s still gonna forgive me for what I’ve done?
I ask you God to please bless me and my kids father’s relationship to be stronger and for him to not leave me and go off to another female or move our if our place together. Please God of I didn’t need you more then any time in my life I need you now .I promise I will not do anything to unsure are relationship I promise I keep my word please God please bless me through our kids please I need you right now God more then anytime time in my life save my relationship with my kids father and make it healthy please In the name of Jesus we do pray AMEN thank God
Hey I need help! So me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago. I tried to get her back at first but stopped after I saw it wasn’t working. I just started the no contact phase and am giving her time it’s been 3 days no contact. I’m fine with the no contact but here’s the tricky part, shes getting surgery Tuesday(4 days from now) and is really nervous. When we were together I was a jerk and didn’t make a big deal about it and it hurt her. So now what Idk is should I text her the night before and say something about it like goodluck don’t be nervo use it’ll be okay, just good luck or nothing at all? Help please!!
Sometimes it can be hard to keep a marriage thriving after a long time, but it doesn't mean the marriage is lost forever. Both of you need to be willing to put in the effort to salvage your marriage. If your husband will not go to counseling, go see a therapist for yourself to get some advice and support. If things don't work out, you can still co-parent your daughter together; many people do this successfully.
I began to see a woman who had two children under the age of seven. She was considering a divorce from a man I met in the course of treatment. He was a doctor who had dedicated himself to taking care of the indigent. As I got to know this couple, I found myself admiring both of them. They were both intelligent, kind, and thoughtful. They were both not only good parents, but good citizens. They were people that I would have wanted to introduce to each other had I known them personally. And yet they were both determined to separate. There had been too much water under the bridge. Each had hurt the other in petty ways. Each had failed to help the other at times when help was needed. It seemed to me that these circumstances were not fatal, and that both could and should forgive each other and move on. It did not seem to me that what had come between them was so awful, it could not be remedied. But they had—both of them—made up their minds. Despite the stress on their children, despite considerable economic difficulties, they proceeded to make separate lives. And that was where things stood years later.
Hey I need help! So me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago. I tried to get her back at first but stopped after I saw it wasn’t working. I just started the no contact phase and am giving her time it’s been 3 days no contact. I’m fine with the no contact but here’s the tricky part, shes getting surgery Tuesday(4 days from now) and is really nervous. When we were together I was a jerk and didn’t make a big deal about it and it hurt her. So now what Idk is should I text her the night before and say something about it like goodluck don’t be nervo use it’ll be okay, just good luck or nothing at all? Help please!!
my girfriend broke up with me a month ago, she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship and i was too into her more she was into me and she wanted some space.. so i gave her some space but a week later i end up getting drunk in a bar, then i see her .. i approach her and ask if we can talk ( iwasdrunk) then we went to the parking lot… i asked if she could come back to me she said she wants to be single… then i accidentally said something disrespectful, she slapped me and asked me how many bottles i drank… i was in rage of anger because she didnt want to fix things. then when she left.. i started texting her nasty things… well i was drunk… now i regret everything ive done on that day… and she called the next day after that saying she doesnt like me anymore and shes never coming back.. is that because shes really angry? i sent her flowers she threw them away.. im so stupid to get drunk that night… now after 2 weeks i heard she likes this other guy but i dont know if she really likes the guy or not… its only been a month and shes searching for another guy to like? i thought she wasnt ready to be in a relationship?… i need help.. how do i get her back and put interest. thanks…
Last night we had sex and he kissed me like he meant it. He kissed me bye etc. today when I talked to him he said to give him time (he’s out of town anyways until Wednesday with family) but he’s worried everything is going to go back to the way it was. I’ve worked on myself and I know now what my problem was – my ego! Then he told me on the phone to not call/text him. If he wants to talk he will call me (I can’t do it. It’s hard) and told me not to tell him everything to let him wonder. I’m trying to be open and honest with him.
I dated a amazing guy for two years and we broke up 7 years ago. I quickly married the wrong person and have filed for divorce. For years I felt like I owed my ex an apology but I was never in the position to do so (my husband was the insane jealous type), so a month ago I finally worked up the courage to call. It was amazing! We talked for hours and dissected how our relationship was doomed to fail based on our attitudes, and how young and inexperienced we were. Every shitty thing that was done is now a joke that we can laugh at, and we began texting/calling regularly for two weeks. He is on a indefinite break from a long-term girlfriend and I am in the process of divorce, and it seemed like we both just needed to be able to talk to each other and be totally candid about our past and present.
I am going to warn you now.  You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him.  If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten.  Well, it seldom works that way.  Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse.  Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again.  It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states.  So just cool your heels and keep reading!
A lot of people think that when they implement Radio Silence (No contact) with their Ex Bf, that it is all about denying them or punishing them.  But that is not it at all.  It is really about allowing your Ex Boyfriend time to get over his anger and resentment and sort through his feelings.  Make no mistake, bitterness is usually just hovering over a break up couple and your guy might be holding on to his fair share. So allow for some space.  Once the ugly thoughts are out of his mind, the good thoughts and memories will eventually return as he will most assuredly start missing you, sometimes terribly.
You need to make him feel terrible for breaking up with you. He should feel like a dumbass for letting you go. That's what you need to make him feel like if you want to get him back. You won't get him back by spying and stalking him (stop checking his Facebook every 2 minutes), but by making him remember all the great times you had together, and making him imagine how nicer life could be if you were still together.
I am devastated and lost. My ex and I met freshman year of college. He was always so into me more than I was into him. He was absolutely in love with me, I was his life line. He was so serious in seeing me as his life partner, his future and everything. He made it known that if we were ever to end it would be because I ended it, not him. I see where things got unhealthy–he always wanted to spend time with me mostly and we did spend all of our time together. This school semester he became more busy with schoolwork and practice, and we clearly spent less time together. Our lives became more routine together, because he still lived in my dorm and we got every meal together. We started having more problems because I was not the happiest with him. I would call him out on things he did that showed less interest in me because I was upset we were not spending as much time together. In addition, he became very hurt when he did not get into a social club on campus, because he suddenly felt like he had no friends and was not cool. One day while fighting, he decided he wanted to break up. This is the person who absolutely swore to never do such a thing, and even though in the past we were in positions where this could have occurred, we never actually ended things–we worked through them. When i reflect i seee that he believed all of a sudden we were spending too much time together, made too many controls together, and that he was missing social opportunities. However, this is the hole he made for himself because he wanted us together and did not care for others. I believe that the rejection from the club and him being annoyed with my behavior led him to believe he is no longer in love with me. He says he loves me more than anything, but does not feel the same way. I convinced him to try to feel emotions for me again, so the past month we continued the meals and living togetehr, but he would never kiss me on the lips and became distant. Then finally he broke up with me and said that he just wants to be single and is not in a place for a relationship right now. How do I handle this? I want him back, and I want everything we had back. He said he wants to be bestfriends, but I said no I cannot and that I want no communication, but we have not exactly had no communication because he texted me today a week later asking if I could help him financially and that he will give the money back as soon as he can (I told him to ask others first because this is disrespectful and then i would if otehrs couldnt, because he said he doesnt know who else to go to). I assumed he would come back to me, and it would show him that he needs me, but he says he found someone else to help him. How do I get him back? We have one class together a week.
Legs it (sorry). I need To be best fiends with you to advise me in life ? Good luck ladies it’s hard out there as we’re doing it alone and continuing the human race while we’re at it. My only advice is keep your cards close to your chest and always be the one who he’s living for not like me as I seem to pick the big egos & their ego rules their life! Once your vulnerable your finished!
We ran into each other randomly about five years later. I was stunned to see him (he was in my house of all places, someone brought him to a party there and he had no idea he’d be seeing me!). I could barely speak I was so nervous. We chatted for a bit, then he messaged me on Facebook a few days later and we talked for hours and hours, I was positive that this was the beginning of round two for us, but then he went dark again. A few more years went by and we ran into each other again. Once again I had soaring high hopes… and then was crushed again when nothing came of it (I found out later he had a girlfriend at the time).
If your ex has fallen into the friend zone (for example, if he or she says "I'm no longer in love with you"), you might be able to recreate the experience of falling in love by building intimacy with your ex. In one study, a researcher had two strangers stare into each other's eyes and then answer personal questions (like "What is your biggest fear?" and "What is your best memory from childhood?"). They were able to create an intimate bond between the strangers, creating attraction and even the feelings of love. Try spending time looking into your ex's eyes and asking deep questions and see if this helps move your relationship back into intimate territory.[12]
I was really anxious and worried at that point of time and I sensed something was wrong and I’ve kept telling him and saying I was wrong and I shouldn’t be so sensitive and paranoid, asking him questions everytime. He said he couldn’t see a future in us seeing that I’ll always ask him questions that made him uneasy everytime we meet. I reflected and thought back, I really shouldn’t be like this and I told him I’ll change on my end and all. But he seems determined to be really ending of this relationship with me.
Dear God, i know you know me who i am, i just want to say thank you for everything even im on the trials and suffering now to my boyfriend hopefully everything will be okay,God can ask you a favor i hope even his a muslim and im a christian, i hope his accept me as i am, then you make our relationship Good always his have no time na for me God but i hope you touch his heart and mind to remember me always and belong to his life everyday God bring our relation uncomplicated, i love him so much God you know what i have feel to him. God im just hoping his like before when we know each other. i need his care and love God i need your guidance everyday my heart so weak because i always mind him i hope God you touch him heart always to remember me love me and miss me always. i love you Jesus thank you for everything i expect your miracle to our relationship. Amen!!!
You are hilarious!! I am laughing so loudly whilst reading your articles….I’m scaring my dogs! I came across your website while I was googling and trying to understand why my now ex-fiance ‘assbag’ of 4 years breaks up with me (2nd time in 3 months), demands no contact then calls me, bawls during the conversation then tells me “he says he needs space” AGAIN…. he did this 3 months ago also…so now I’m thinking he’s emotionally inept and I’m left feel totally confused. But I am finding your articles are helping me alot….so thank you!!!!
My boyfriend just broke up with me 3 days ago and weve been together for 2 years and 8 months. We had been madly in love with each other and he asked me to marry him twice even tho we couldn’t actually get married because we were only 16 at the time but he asked me all the time well we got in a fight and I told him I couldn’t handle how he was treating me so I told him we needed to break up, he was very heart broken and cried and begged me to take him back and I did within 5 hours. But then about 4 months later he broke up with me he said he wasn’t the same since I broke up with him and that he was done. well while we were broken up for about a week he had sex with another girl, just a rebound hook up and he hates talking about it. but He had lied to me about it when we got back together and said they had kissed and he left and I didn’t care because I had my love back, but then 7 months later we were using his phone to get on facebook and he accidently sent a message to a girl we were both talking for different reasons and he said oh hey I accidently sent molly a message on your facebook I thought I was on mine. well I didn’t really think much of it but then I was wondering what could he be talking to her about? well I got on his facebook and he was talking to molly about her best friend he had the rebound hook up with and I freaked out and left and he called me franticly wanting to know where I went and I asked him about him having sex with another girl and that he had told me they only kissed and he came clean and said he did and he told me he understood if I never talked to him again but I love him more than life so I said no were just gonna have to work through it and your going to have to be patient with me because you’ve lost almost all my trust. well we did have our fights but we always worked through them and figured out what was wrong but I did use him lying to me as a weapon when we got in fights and he started to get very angry that I was still bringing it up. well we talked and before he had broken up with me the first time he said that if we broke up again he would never get back together with me because he didn’t want to string things out but we did get back together he text me saying he still loved me and wanted me back so we got back together. Then he had me move into his parents house with him and things were normal but he got another job and worked more hours so it added some stress and I was getting stressed out about my own job and we did take it out on each other. but we had our good days and bad ones we would go on date nights and laugh and have fun and I asked him if we break up were never getting back together are we? and he just wrapped me in a hug and said it doesn’t matter how many times we break up we will always get back together because I love you way too much to let you go forever. well I found out he had been messaging other girls about our relationship issues which really bothered me because I thought we could talk about anything and sharing any of our concerns with each other he told me all the time that I was his best friend and I would joke around and say yeah well your not mine but then I would tell him later that he is my best friend and I love him. I just wanted to be able to talk about anything and not hide things. but then on my graduation night three days ago I had to work at 5 am and then do my grad stuff and he had to work at noon so we weren’t going to really see each other except after my graduation so when we got home after dinner he told me he didn’t have to be at work for a half hour and I thought oh cool we can hangout and relax since we haven’t seen each other all day well he started to rush off to work and I got upset and I said so your choosing work over me on my grad night? and he got mad and left when he came home from work he went in the bathroom and left his phone on the night stand I did think I was going to find anything on his phone he had only talked to his mom and a co worker but I was bored so looked through what he was saying to his mom and pretty much he felt like we needed to break up but he felt bad about it and didn’t know what to do and his mom just didn’t want him to feel stuck but he also was talking about how I got upset at him going to work but twisted it so it was completely different then why I was mad. well when he came back I just quoted his text to his mom and asked so you don’t want to be together anymore and he got upset and withdrew from me but after we talked for awhile we weren’t as mad at each other and my friend asked if she needed to pick me up because I told her what was going on and I told my boyfriend that she would come get me but then he changed and was telling me I didn’t have to leave and I could stay there with him but I just calmly said no its okay Ill leave and while I was waiting for my friend it actually looked like he was about to cry before I left. well the next morning I text him asking where we were at relationship wise and the night before he said he didn’t know what he wanted to do yet that I should keep my key to the house because he didn’t know what was going to happen yet, well when I text him he told me he just couldn’t get back together and that it was over and he was done but in a way that didn’t sound like him. and I begged him not to do that but I just went to the house and moved my stuff out while he was gone and I asked him what things he wanted me to take and he didn’t really care if it was something I got him he would say well ill keep it but if you want it you can take it. then yesterday I text him wondering if he could bring my cd and a couple other things I left at his house to my house and if we could talk and he was very short and said he didn’t know what we would talk about when the other night he said we could talk whenever I needed to and that he was always here for me and that he still cares about me and that you don’t be with someone and spend almost 3 years of your life with someone and not still care for them but when he replied with being angry and mean I just stop texting him because hes acting really weird and idk if its because hes hurt to and confused and doesn’t know what to do because he told me hes not happy with where hes at (he graduated last year and isn’t in school just works) and that hes going no where in life and that I deserve better and hes just an assh*le to me and not doing anything with his life and that hes super stressed out. so I don’t know what to do I haven’t text him today and all my friends say to just give him space and even his sister said let him be he will start missing you after a few days and hell want you back which I hope is true because I want to start over with a clean slate like this articles says and just try again but different approach I know what Ive been doing wrong and I love him so much and I know he use to love me too and when were together we are super happy when its just us but his friend who told me he was jealous of mine and my boyfriends relationship because his gf is off in the navy now he wouldn’t let us have time alone just constant on top of us even my boyfriends parents would ask me about it and say wow you guys don’t get alone time anymore and it made me stressed out because he is just using my boyfriends house as a place to drink and smoke and he gets jealous when my boyfriend isn’t giving him all his attention and I feel like that also had stressed him out too which sucks because Ive been blinded by my own problems and stress I didn’t realize he was hurting too. so im talking to his mom tomorrow to find out if I even still have a chance and whats actually going on with my boyfriend =/ I just hope that he cares about me enough to still want to try but idk I need advice on what I need to do and what I should do!
St. Jude, please pray for me and watch over my relationship. I’m so confused as to why things aren’t going smoothly and why he doesn’t realize my love for him. I ask that you may help us, and strengthen us. That our love may grow as well as our faith, loyalty, respect and above all trust. I ask that you may help me and guide me into the path that I’m meant to be on, and also that he may not take it for granted. Please help me St. Jude, I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I feel so hopeless, the disrespect, and I feel the drive to fight for me fading…. please help it stop. Please let things get better between us. Because it’s him, and I love him to much to stop fighting for him. I just pray that he feels the same for me. I trust in you. Amen.
Michael Fiore has launched his proven ex back program ‘Text Your Ex Back’ in which he reveals a powerful text messaging system that help me and thousands of his previous clients in getting ex girlfriend back. This Text Your Ex Back contains much more than simple text messages. It teaches what mistakes you did that ends your relationship and how to get your ex girlfriend back by using simple yet powerful text messages .
I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year, and she just broke up with me because she seems to care more about her friends than she does our relationship. she wont make time for me and ever sinse we split she refuses to talk to me. I’m heartbroken completely. because we used to be perfect. how do i get her to speak to me again even though she doesnt want to, i need her, please help!
My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago. He says he was tied of arguing. He was saying another girl a couple times but they are no longer talking. He always text me calls me and wants me to hang out with him or stay the night at my place. He text me when I’m at work with xoxo and always says he loves me and is more affectionate toward me now then when we were together. But he still says he dosn’t want a girlfriend right now I’m confused.
When negative things happen, avoid being critical or contemptuous. Don’t say things that begin with “You never…,” “You always…,” or (my favorite) “You’re such a…” Calmly explain why you see the situation, not the spouse, as negative, and why it upsets you. In the ensuing conversation don’t get defensive, but don’t refuse to talk, either. Inject a little positivity into the conversation or argument. For example, try a little humor to lighten up the situation a bit, if you think your spouse would be receptive. If the humor backfires, simply be honest and explain that you want to diffuse the tension and you really don’t want to fight.
NOTE: YOUR mate value/perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship. You CAN become that guy (again), and I’m happy to teach you how. Begin the process with my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Your results page will then guide you further from there on what to do to get this girl back.
Apply the love languages. That is, in your interactions with each other, try to use the other person's love language to show that you care. If your partner's love language is service, try doing little things around the house to show you care or try taking his or her car to the wash. If your partner's love language is time, make sure to figure out ways to spend more time with the person on a regular basis.[32]

If you feel you lost power in your relationship, it may be because you have been too eager to spend time with your significant other or to push the relationship forward. You can't rush things, and hopefully your relationship is not the only passion in your life. Spend time on your other interests (sports, hobbies, school, work, etc.) and give your partner the space he or she needs.

let me ask something.this is the second time that me and my ex boyfriend breaks up or he broke up with me.but this is the worst one.i felt he moved on already because he defriended me included my friends who were his friends on facebook. i knew,he loves me so much but we couldn’t just get a right time to think better and then we ended up arguements.i loved him too.i learnd i have mistakes.tell me please,is there any possibilities to get back together and reconciled?how i read your tips..but in our situations like these.im sure he’s very mad at me and giving up on me.he never replies my emails and text.i wanna try to reconciled with him but how? i know i cannot make a move ist .i want him to see im changed .i want him realized he made a huge mistakes.please email me for some advices.thank you


Is it appropriate to post or allow friend to post pictures in my social media like FB of me with another male?? even if we are friends but it can come across as more then friends. Is been 3 months that my on-off boyfriend of 4 yrs left the house we share for the 3 years, his excuses was that I would be better without him, is not the first time he leaves but I had been the one who always reach out to him and “convince him to come back”, I want different results so is been 2 weeks that I staring applying the no contact method and he has not contact me either.
It is natural to feel anxious and sad when this happens. Your anguish may lead you to attempt to use various manipulation tactics to get the upper hand in your relationship. But playing games to gain or regain the power in a relationship is bound to lead to its demise. There are many relationships in which one person holds more power than the other, but these tend to be extremely unhealthy. Physically or verbally abusive relationships, relationships in which one partner is cheating, and relationships in which one partner has more assets than the other (that are not common property) are often doomed to fail or to lead to heartbreak and unhappiness.
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that your ex is seeing someone new, try not to jump to conclusions or let jealousy set in. By no means should you do anything to try to thwart a new relationship. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don't want to force a person to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.
You have the attraction back by this point already from the previous steps, so most of what you need to do now is just get out of your own way, and let the getting-back-together process happen on its own. In other words, you need to know what mistakes to AVOID, to prevent yourself from sabotaging the getting-back-together process, which is supposed to happen fairly naturally after the first 7 steps.
we had a 9months relationship am not sure if we broke up but wht caused us to be apart is tht he says i always nagging him about other women and no matter wht he told me i dont believe we had a fight when i accused im if he is going back to his babymother he say to me yes a wh if he his going back to her n yes she pregnant as well i pushed him n we began to fight after we finished fight he said to me yes a that me did wnt to here the next day he called me and said nothing like that he was jus messing with my head becuz i dnt want to stop accused him each time i tried to call him for us to talk about it but he doesnt want to come where i am he said if i dnt believe him when he says theres nothing like that happen i dnt know what to believe i loved him and i dnt want to loose him wht should i do i want him bak
A week ago my boyfriend of 7 years told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. That he still cared and loved me but that he wasn’t happy and the spark was gone. He was my whole world, this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. The problem is that we have to still share an apartment together for another month until I can get my own. I have been trying to stay busy and thinking positive thoughts. But it’s hard when you still have to see him.
To begin the process, I recommend that you have what I call the Perfection Conversation with her. Essentially, you need to acknowledge to her that you are not perfect (in terms of how you’ve been behaving and treating her), but for the sake of your love, you are willing to continually make a serious effort to become a better man for her. In the same conversation, you also need to get her to acknowledge and realize that she is not perfect either.
I really like the links from the first comment. I think as long as the two people love each other it doesn't matter what they did. unless its cheating. Trust is hard for me to understand. MY bf doesn't trust me and even though he has done things to break my trust in different ways I feel like I know him and can understand he's just a human and we make some mistakes sometimes. I try and change how he wants me to, to be a better person and show him I do care but somehow its not ever enough. I do not know how I can show him I care. He wants a big grand gesture but I do not have money or an idea of what to do. He said something like seeing him at work would make him feel like I care but when I didn't do u it his time limit that I didn't even know about he got mad. I just want to show him he is special but every little thing doesn't mean anything to him anymore. I can say I felt like how he describes because he hurt me and I didn't care about anything but distressing helped me see more clearly and what I needed to. I think that's what's going on with him because he hasn't been able to distress.
So, my ex boyfriend had a friend who killed himself just about 3 weeks ago. It hit my boyfriend really hard and he started to change. He got quieter and quieter and soon wasn’t even the person I had been dating for a year. I finally asked him if he even wanted to be with me, and he replied “Its not that I don’t want to be with you, I just feel empty”. He ended the relationship saying he needs to figure out how to fix himself and fill the hole he has inside him, but he wants to do that alone. I really do not know what to do at this point. He messaged me twice. Once was asking how I was doing, and the other was him telling me I was welcome to see the cats if i ever wanted to (we owned cats together) so I guess I want to know if this advise you have given in this article is going to work. Because I honestly think he is really confused and doesn’t know what he feels. I would appreciate any advise!
let me ask something.this is the second time that me and my ex boyfriend breaks up or he broke up with me.but this is the worst one.i felt he moved on already because he defriended me included my friends who were his friends on facebook. i knew,he loves me so much but we couldn’t just get a right time to think better and then we ended up arguements.i loved him too.i learnd i have mistakes.tell me please,is there any possibilities to get back together and reconciled?how i read your tips..but in our situations like these.im sure he’s very mad at me and giving up on me.he never replies my emails and text.i wanna try to reconciled with him but how? i know i cannot make a move ist .i want him to see im changed .i want him realized he made a huge mistakes.please email me for some advices.thank you
Me and my ex were together for 4 and a half months. She mentioned a while ago when a guy messaged her that they had a thing before me and her but she assured me that it was the past. Apparently not. She broke up with me because I don’t have a job and I’m apparently lazy. I smoke cigarettes and weed and I am forcing myself to quit these things and I feel like its the only chance of getting her back. Ive also been looking suuuper hard.for a job, but it isnt easy when youre17. This guy that she had a thing with before us is now going all out to try and snatch her up. She broke up with me a week ago and I got information from her friend that she has already gone out on 2 dates with him… that hit me like a train. As soon as I heard that I bursted into tears. She seems like the type to come back after a while but im just not sure because she mentioned that she just doesnt feel the same way about me as she did before, the “butterflies” are missing. I will do anything in my power to get her back because what i dont think she realises is that I am the one who actually cares about her and loves her and this other guy just wants sex. I am way too attatched to this girl and she has such a huge part of my heart and its killing me that she left me so suddenly. :( I REALLY need your help…
Here’s my problem, I was begging, pleading, and trying to look pity for my ex-girlfriend just to make her stay. We had sex then goodbye. Then i saw your videos about No Contact Rules. Following your advice about no contact rules was hard as hell. My target is FULL 30 DAYS no contact but in my two weeks of battle. Suddenly she texted me, i try to ignore her, then she call me using other number so we talked since its likely rude to ignore her at all. She told me she wasn’t happy in her new bf. She felt sorry for me. She’s asking me if there was any chance to rebuild our relationship?Is she still welcome to my life? I told her i am awesome now, i currently dating to someone else the she get madly jealous. She doesn’t want me to date others.She really want to see me but ill be the one who refuse to see her. I told her i will only see you when you come back to me. She wanted me to stick around but u said to your videos not to get in friendzone.
Give her some space. The first thing you need to do is give the girl some space. If you start knocking down her door and calling her every five minutes she'll only pull further away from you. The amount of space and time you give her depends on what happened when you tried to date her. If you ended a serious relationship, you'll need to give her more space than you would if you had just dated a few times.[1]
Make fully clear to your partner what kind of behavior you will or will not put up with — but don't do this in the middle of a fight or while drinking alcohol. If your partner acts in a way you won't put up with or makes a hurtful remark, point out that the comment or action was hurtful, and that you don't want them to repeat it. Keep the volume of your voice low, and use a kind tone. If, on the other hand, your partner tends to become aggressive or hurtful when drinking, then they have a serious problem, which needs to be addressed. You can help, but don't bring up your concerns while your significant other is drinking and being rude. Wait until they are sober and calm, and then express your concerns as calmly as possible.
Dear God, i know you know me who i am, i just want to say thank you for everything even im on the trials and suffering now to my boyfriend hopefully everything will be okay,God can ask you a favor i hope even his a muslim and im a christian, i hope his accept me as i am, then you make our relationship Good always his have no time na for me God but i hope you touch his heart and mind to remember me always and belong to his life everyday God bring our relation uncomplicated, i love him so much God you know what i have feel to him. God im just hoping his like before when we know each other. i need his care and love God i need your guidance everyday my heart so weak because i always mind him i hope God you touch him heart always to remember me love me and miss me always. i love you Jesus thank you for everything i expect your miracle to our relationship. Amen!!!
So, find out what messed up your relationship and work on it. Were you too cranky, moody, jealous, demanding, insane, nagging-all-day, not giving him his space and freedom, disrespectful, got fat, made out with another guy, or you just sucked in bed? Whichever it was – fix it. He needs to see that, after a month or so of breaking up, you are progressing; suddenly you became a different person. But do it for you, not for him. Once he sees how much different you became he'll wish you never broke up in the first place, he'll want to give the whole thing another chance too.
I recently lost my girlfriend. I have to speak out on the theory of date em like u hate em. Couldn`t be further from the truth. If you know its casual, and its going to amount to much sure, i can see that. But if you both know your in love and this is it, Son you gotta respect it. My biggest flaw? I got in a comfort zone. I thought i was being the perfect boyfriend when indeed i wasn`t. I work long hours and a lot of times couldn`t find time for her because i was exhausted. Shit you need to make a girl feel as special as she really is. Never stop. Wake up everyday and make sure they know your thinking about them. Don`t make the same mistakes.
My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for a year and two months. Recently he told me that he is conflicted over him wanting to be with men and wanting to be with me. We spent all our time together and he always took care of me and wrote me sweet cards during our relationship. He told me he was struggling with reaching out to other men and felt like doing so during our relationship would be hurting me. He told me that he cares for and loves me but that he needed time to find out what he wanted and that he would come back to me if he isn’t gay and things aren’t good like what we have. He also said there is nothing I did but that he feels different. He’s been in several relationships with women but I’m his first for everything. I’m 22 and he is 21 and I have had more relationships than him. He feels like he hasn’t explored everything and doesn’t know himself well enough.
Thanks for this post, Jason. After I read it I had a little hope that me and my ex-boyfriend COULD get back together. But then I scrolled down to the comments and I read everyone else’s comments, apprehensions, fears, emotional and psychological hardships that they’re going through and I wondered — if this is how a person is making us feel, is it worth it?
My boyfriend just broke up with me 3 days ago and weve been together for 2 years and 8 months. We had been madly in love with each other and he asked me to marry him twice even tho we couldn’t actually get married because we were only 16 at the time but he asked me all the time well we got in a fight and I told him I couldn’t handle how he was treating me so I told him we needed to break up, he was very heart broken and cried and begged me to take him back and I did within 5 hours. But then about 4 months later he broke up with me he said he wasn’t the same since I broke up with him and that he was done. well while we were broken up for about a week he had sex with another girl, just a rebound hook up and he hates talking about it. but He had lied to me about it when we got back together and said they had kissed and he left and I didn’t care because I had my love back, but then 7 months later we were using his phone to get on facebook and he accidently sent a message to a girl we were both talking for different reasons and he said oh hey I accidently sent molly a message on your facebook I thought I was on mine. well I didn’t really think much of it but then I was wondering what could he be talking to her about? well I got on his facebook and he was talking to molly about her best friend he had the rebound hook up with and I freaked out and left and he called me franticly wanting to know where I went and I asked him about him having sex with another girl and that he had told me they only kissed and he came clean and said he did and he told me he understood if I never talked to him again but I love him more than life so I said no were just gonna have to work through it and your going to have to be patient with me because you’ve lost almost all my trust. well we did have our fights but we always worked through them and figured out what was wrong but I did use him lying to me as a weapon when we got in fights and he started to get very angry that I was still bringing it up. well we talked and before he had broken up with me the first time he said that if we broke up again he would never get back together with me because he didn’t want to string things out but we did get back together he text me saying he still loved me and wanted me back so we got back together. Then he had me move into his parents house with him and things were normal but he got another job and worked more hours so it added some stress and I was getting stressed out about my own job and we did take it out on each other. but we had our good days and bad ones we would go on date nights and laugh and have fun and I asked him if we break up were never getting back together are we? and he just wrapped me in a hug and said it doesn’t matter how many times we break up we will always get back together because I love you way too much to let you go forever. well I found out he had been messaging other girls about our relationship issues which really bothered me because I thought we could talk about anything and sharing any of our concerns with each other he told me all the time that I was his best friend and I would joke around and say yeah well your not mine but then I would tell him later that he is my best friend and I love him. I just wanted to be able to talk about anything and not hide things. but then on my graduation night three days ago I had to work at 5 am and then do my grad stuff and he had to work at noon so we weren’t going to really see each other except after my graduation so when we got home after dinner he told me he didn’t have to be at work for a half hour and I thought oh cool we can hangout and relax since we haven’t seen each other all day well he started to rush off to work and I got upset and I said so your choosing work over me on my grad night? and he got mad and left when he came home from work he went in the bathroom and left his phone on the night stand I did think I was going to find anything on his phone he had only talked to his mom and a co worker but I was bored so looked through what he was saying to his mom and pretty much he felt like we needed to break up but he felt bad about it and didn’t know what to do and his mom just didn’t want him to feel stuck but he also was talking about how I got upset at him going to work but twisted it so it was completely different then why I was mad. well when he came back I just quoted his text to his mom and asked so you don’t want to be together anymore and he got upset and withdrew from me but after we talked for awhile we weren’t as mad at each other and my friend asked if she needed to pick me up because I told her what was going on and I told my boyfriend that she would come get me but then he changed and was telling me I didn’t have to leave and I could stay there with him but I just calmly said no its okay Ill leave and while I was waiting for my friend it actually looked like he was about to cry before I left. well the next morning I text him asking where we were at relationship wise and the night before he said he didn’t know what he wanted to do yet that I should keep my key to the house because he didn’t know what was going to happen yet, well when I text him he told me he just couldn’t get back together and that it was over and he was done but in a way that didn’t sound like him. and I begged him not to do that but I just went to the house and moved my stuff out while he was gone and I asked him what things he wanted me to take and he didn’t really care if it was something I got him he would say well ill keep it but if you want it you can take it. then yesterday I text him wondering if he could bring my cd and a couple other things I left at his house to my house and if we could talk and he was very short and said he didn’t know what we would talk about when the other night he said we could talk whenever I needed to and that he was always here for me and that he still cares about me and that you don’t be with someone and spend almost 3 years of your life with someone and not still care for them but when he replied with being angry and mean I just stop texting him because hes acting really weird and idk if its because hes hurt to and confused and doesn’t know what to do because he told me hes not happy with where hes at (he graduated last year and isn’t in school just works) and that hes going no where in life and that I deserve better and hes just an assh*le to me and not doing anything with his life and that hes super stressed out. so I don’t know what to do I haven’t text him today and all my friends say to just give him space and even his sister said let him be he will start missing you after a few days and hell want you back which I hope is true because I want to start over with a clean slate like this articles says and just try again but different approach I know what Ive been doing wrong and I love him so much and I know he use to love me too and when were together we are super happy when its just us but his friend who told me he was jealous of mine and my boyfriends relationship because his gf is off in the navy now he wouldn’t let us have time alone just constant on top of us even my boyfriends parents would ask me about it and say wow you guys don’t get alone time anymore and it made me stressed out because he is just using my boyfriends house as a place to drink and smoke and he gets jealous when my boyfriend isn’t giving him all his attention and I feel like that also had stressed him out too which sucks because Ive been blinded by my own problems and stress I didn’t realize he was hurting too. so im talking to his mom tomorrow to find out if I even still have a chance and whats actually going on with my boyfriend =/ I just hope that he cares about me enough to still want to try but idk I need advice on what I need to do and what I should do!
My story illustrates the power of working on yourself, of being your best self, of being in a happy, settled place before you enter into a relationship. The reason my husband doesn’t know what shifted is that it wasn’t a tangible thing. It was my vibe and my energy. I changed a lot from the beginning of the summer to the end, I did a lot of important inner work and I genuinely loved myself and was happy with my life. That’s the kind of energy that draws people in. That’s what makes people see you in a different light.

Me and my bf have been together for 15 yrs.. on Oct 12 I found out my dad is in the hospital. .he doesn’t text or call me all day..so when I get home I was pissed off..thats my dad..he didn’t even bother texting to see how he was..we get to arguing. .and he breaks up with me..wtf..like an idiot I start begging and begging. . No. .plz..and he just gets so angry with me..I have to leave the house. .I can’t afford it. .all wk moving out and work, stressed, heart broken to the max..and I can’t even be with my dad cuz i’m moving out..thats the worst..there were signs I should have picked up on. .like..he was becoming distant. .we had been kinda fighting but we talked about it..and I was really trying to work on the things we talked about. .I’ve been calling, texting. .of course. .I mean hello. .our entire lives are together. .but no answer. .no reply. .today is my birthday. .1 wk to the day we have broken up. .and to be honest I just want to go home..and be with him..at the same time. .we have a lease together. .pets..bank account *which I closed out yesterday* I opened my own..the utilities are in my name..I mean..I have to protect my name right. .at the same time I want to wait and see..ugh!!! He has broken up with me before. .maybe 5, 6 yrs ago..and he basically said he had hit rock bottom. .and blah blah blah..what am I supposed to do? No contact? While I was reading the article some things for sure stood out to me..I need to change myself. .not for him.. for me..I have become lazy..with my self. .and we were kinda on auto pilot. .but thats how life is no? We still did fun things..just not as often..we’re adults..with bills..and responsibilities. .idk..advice? Anyone?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!
My ex and I broke up a few weeks ago because he started hanging out with new friends that I never liked because they are all bad boys. After 2 years and 6 months in the relationship he suddenly changed his mind about us. He started texting other girls which he said was his friends he even had pictures of them on his phone. I didn’t like that at all because I saw that these girls are starting to like him. So basically it was my fault he broke up with me for being insecure, clingy and not trusting him. He told me he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship right now but he still loves me. He wants to explore life without a girlfriend and not wanting to hurt me when he meet up with new girls and such. I really do love him with all my heart, and maybe he just needs some space to think, or maybe our relationship got a bit boring. I am so willing to follow these steps to get him back, I’m so not going to lose him to a bunch of girls!
I kept thinking that she was crazy, and she was convinced that I was stupid. I was walking on eggshells because she was just so prickly. We never had sex anymore and we didn’t agree on anything. Technically we were living in a sexless marriage. Many of our fights (over little things) ended with one of us casually suggesting that divorce might be the answer. It hurt. When I thought of divorce, and the end of my family, I thought, How did we get to this? (Stopping the Fighting is the FIRST thing you need to do as I talk about in my article How to Fix a Broken Marriage)
I do not understand why there are so many people online claiming they can get your ex back for you. My question is why would anybody want to have their ex back inspite of the breakup. Breakups happen for a reason. And ex’s are always troublemakers. Even if one does patch up, these relationship do not work. Better to start a new relationship then to try and repair and waste time on the troublesome old one. Why try and repair an old truck with no available spare parts.
I believe it was James Carville, Bill Clinton's political adviser, who said, "If you say three things, you've said nothing at all." Well, I've said more than three things here, but then, I'm not giving a political speech. And you are not going to find the answer to saving your marriage in a single idea. What you have in front of you, though, are the first steps in getting to a happy marriage.
i think trying too hard messes things up,he did not want to spend time with you in the first place so by you ignoring or spacing yourself from him you are just making it worse,what you guys realy need is to sit down and talk it through,he is your man so it should be easy to see and judge from the conversation if it is worth it or not.give it try drive to his place or work place and just ask for 5min den secretely make it 1hour.
what if he doesnt want to b with u..??what if u r ready to forgive him for his every faults even ready to say sorry infinite times without my fault but he is not ready to feel regret for anything he did with me to hurt me…what if u want him for whole ur life but he doesnt ready to listen ur voice ….what if u wana do everything anything for him but he hate ur every action and ur feelings……???
And now he is texting me everyday, not a lot but to know how i’m doing, says I can talk to him whenever I want, that he wants us to stay best friends like we used to and that he wants me to “be myself” with him, text him whatever I want…But I know he doesnt really want to talk to me, like if he has a problem he will go to someone else. I think he is mostly being nice, and trying to ease the break up for himself by not losing me completely (he said that if we keep talking its easier cause it’s “more normal”).
My boyfriend n i were in an amazing relationship.. he was totally crazy about me.. it was my fault.. we were fighting too much n i hurt him a lot due to the stress i was going through these past few months.. then one day he just left me n said that he can’t do it anymore.. i went extremes to make him stay..i begged.. cried.. hurt myself but it was no use.. he almost hated me.. then i had no contact with him for almost a month.. now just like 2 days ago.. i talked to him as a friend.. he said he missed me and when i asked him about all the gifts n drawings i gave him.. he said he is still keeping all of it..but he also said he got no feelings or even wanna be in a relationship.. he says he feels good being the way he is now.. i can’t control my feelings.. i admitted to him that i still love him n I’ll wait for him..but towards him.. I’ll just be a friend until he feels smtg for me.. i seriously want him back.. but i don’t know how.. he is being so stubborn with his decision..
This advice goes against every single natural inclination you have and it’s hard. You’ll want to answer the points she’s making and show her why she’s wrong. You’ll want to get a second chance or promise to fix your mistakes. You’ll keep pushing your points and think that since she’s not answering you right away; you’re getting through to her. You’re not. You’re just making her uncomfortable. All you’re doing is making yourself appear needy. She’s not going to forget this behavior down the line when you try to win her back.
me and my ex, got back like 3 months ago,is a relation of 11 years ago :D bt we were breaking up and come again several times before. he came back to me, and kept contact most of the time, asking me out, and texting me non stop, we met couple of times, he told me about his ex gf he met and about details between them, also that she didnt fit him, and she wasnt right for him, and after couple of outings, ofcourse i did wt mentioned, looked my best, smelled amazing, and yes he stared at me, i try to look the best when we meet, and he keeps staring at me, but sometimes i feel he has distance between me and him, he doesnt call often, i sometimes call, we had couple of arguments but solved out, when im upset of him he make things up, we have kissed couple of times, and he started not me actually, it feels better than before, no fights, no attitude, i try to make it right, i try not to confuse him, and if i do i turn the page and make it better, but when i disappear or not talk, he comes to me, he asks, and when we meet he says all his feelings llike : imiss you, i want you, im thinking about you. sometimes is confusing, bcs i dont know it goin, but i dont wanna lose him this time, and think about me more and to see the best in me than his ex. he confessed to me that she lied to him with “iluv you” and then left him, when i just at the 1st place was crying to him when we were together to stay. i know i was stupid. but now am different. i need some help. why he is not calling much? what shoud i do? and about marriage, he mentioned in our last meet, but was not clear.is there any help? shoud i mention the marriage thing? or not? thanks alot waiting ur answer
Get moving. During this time, it’s a great idea to get active. It’s practically common knowledge that exercise provides many benefits on various levels, both physically and emotionally. Exercise can help us reduce our stress levels, boost our mood, relieve anxiety, increase relaxation, helps us stay focused and the list goes on and on. And of course, in addition to feeling good, exercise will also help you look really good! Fortunately, getting moving is more fun than ever thanks to a wide variety of options out there. You’ve got Zumba, CrossFit, Salsa, Pole dancing, Barre Method, Soul Cycle, Yoga, Pilates… really whatever you want. You can also just opt to go the old-fashioned route and run on the treadmill or outside when it’s nice. Just do something to get those endorphins pumping!
The first thing that you need to do is simple, stop talking to them. You need to drop communication completely. You absolutely need to stop this overall. Many people feel the need to text them back, call them back, or just try to be in their sight. Don’t do that. You have to cut everything out. Walk away, stop talking, stop texting, and walk away from social media. When you talk to them after the break up, you’re going to end up causing them to think that you’re not quite as good as she once thought. You don’t want her to justify the reason why she walked away.

And now he is texting me everyday, not a lot but to know how i’m doing, says I can talk to him whenever I want, that he wants us to stay best friends like we used to and that he wants me to “be myself” with him, text him whatever I want…But I know he doesnt really want to talk to me, like if he has a problem he will go to someone else. I think he is mostly being nice, and trying to ease the break up for himself by not losing me completely (he said that if we keep talking its easier cause it’s “more normal”).
am from canada, would want to tell you all that i was able to put an end to my divorce issue and restore my marriage again, because i never wanted it to happen. i don’t know what came over my husband that he was filling for divorce, i tried to talk him out of it when he told me and he didn’t listen to me, i had no other option than to seek for the help of a spell caster and now am glad i did. Because if not for the help of spell, i don’t know what would have become of me by now because i loved my husband so much that i couldn’t stand loosing him. The spell worked like magic with the way and manner my husband change and started showing love instead of the divorce he was planning. i just too happy that everything is in place for me now. I would gladly recommend the use of spell to any one going through marriage problems and want to put an end to it. [gbojiespiritualtemple@ gmail. com , gbojiespiritualtemple@ yahoo. com or whatsapp : +2349066410185 was were i got the help to restore my marriage]
Thanks so much for this. I broke up with my boyfriend and want him back. We just kept arguing i was jealous.. he said he only had eyes for me me and i was the love of his life. It has hurt him so much i know.. but im so willing to change.. i followed your tips i look great, have fun and he still looks at me like i am the one but says sex with no emotional strings is how he wants to do it for now as he is still hurting and probablyv thinks ill do it all again..but i won’t.I hope he comes back totally.. at the moment im working on trying to get him tovstart taking me to his local bar with him again.. we went all the time before. im taking itvslowly anyway. I never want to hurt him again
If you want your relationship to get back on track, then you need to be humble and accepting what happened. You can’t get your ex boyfriend back by pointing fingers at him. You have to be humble throughout the whole discussion as this is the best approach to tackle this situation, and it will make your ex comfortable with you which will mend broken hearts.
I apologized for being very hard on him and demanding. And of course there were a few times when we got together to have sex. But things were getting too difficult because i still had incredibly strong feelings. all the while I got the impression that he was distancing himself from me. So I decided for my own sanity that I would keep my distance I asked him to do the same and that we would not contact each other for as long as it took. Reading this article has made me realize that I have made quite a few mistakes and that keeping my distance throughout would’ve been the most beneficial to our potential relationship. I also understand the importance of sex. but sex has never been an issue for us. yet I feel that by making myself so available to him I somehow devalued myself and spoiled our chances at reunification. I know he has other lovers. It’s not that fact that bothers me but the fact that he claims to no longer be in love me. And I guess what bothers me even more is that I am not able to let go. This may have to do with the fact that every time I asked about us all he would ever say was that he can’t give me an answer. After two months of silence I decided to travel home for the holidays for a month and asked to see him before I go. We had a wonderful time and that left me feeling positive. i spent the holidays with my family but thought of him often. We had limited text and email communication during my one month away and i returned from my holidays only to find that I was missing him more than ever. So I got in touch with him. He seemed a bit reluctant to meet right away but I like the poor sap that I am was insistent. i had questions for him but I disnt want to address them in an email. In all honesty my intention to meet that evening was to talk about our situation. I wanted to know how he was feeling what he was up to, progress reports et cetera. What I didn’t expect was to start asking him questions about his lovers. It turns out he’s had a few which is understandable given he’s an incredibly sexual person. Interestingly this information didn’t bother me what really bothered me was that he told me once again that he was no longer in love with me. But getting to that information was quite difficult. He skirted around the issue again saying that he doesn’t know what tomorrow will bring and that I’m a very important person in his life. Clearly he’s not ready to let go even if he doesnt want anything from me. I on the other hand am still very much in love with him and given that our relationship went deeper than any before. Granted we had our issues and we didn’t really make much of an effort to make things work. But both of us are really trying to fundamentally change. Of course as usual I could not resist him I had been fantasizing about him for months and so I invited him home and he did not refuse And here I am two days later not so much feeling regret as realizing that this is a lost cause. I feel more and more like I’ve made all the mistakes One could possibly make in such a situation. But the most fundamental mistake of all is that deep down I have little respect and love for myself. Most of the time I’m okay with myself but in this particular situation with this particular man I seem to somehow lose myself it’s almost as though I lose my identity but I really think that it’s just a matter of being truly in love with him. I don’t know which direction to go with this. I sometimes think that the only solution for me is to find someone else so i can really put him behind me. The only problem is I have no desire to be with anyone else. I know that what we had when it was working was unlike anything either of us has experienced. And it’s interesting that the breakup inspired us to change in so many ways. I do hope sometime in the future that I will be with him as a new woman and he as a new man. I believe That people can fundamentally change if they really want to. But the price we pay to grow is high.
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.
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