Showering your ex with affection has the same effect of the first three deadly sins. Trying to convince your ex that he should be with you by giving him all the attention, pouring compliments over him, sending him love notes or whatever will not work. The only way your ex will be convinced of your value is if you make yourself valuable, not if you demean yourself and act out of needy desperation.
Please lord I ask that you allow Bryan and I to get through this difficult time. I pray that the anxiety he deals with lessens so that we may be given a chance to truly work on our relationship. We are blessed to have one another but as he steps back for a break, all I can do is hope that your guidance will give us the strength to heal and to see that our love should be embraced, cherished and honored instead of change into such sadness that will leave a permanent, indelible mark on our hearts.
To begin the process, I recommend that you have what I call the Perfection Conversation with her. Essentially, you need to acknowledge to her that you are not perfect (in terms of how you’ve been behaving and treating her), but for the sake of your love, you are willing to continually make a serious effort to become a better man for her. In the same conversation, you also need to get her to acknowledge and realize that she is not perfect either.
hi natasha! i’m glad i found this blog! i just broke up with my ex last night, he decided to leave me bc i often threatened him if he messed up n hurt me. he said a lot of bad things about me last night and i threatened him back and we agreed to made a silly and stupid agreement, that he will do EVERYTHING that i ask from him till the end of this year then i promised i’m the one who will dumb him and he agreed with that (because i threatened him of course). and if he mess up he will add 1 more month for me to stay with him. i feel confused now, i want to get back with him bc to be honest i was the one who always overreacted but at the same time i don’t think he wants me anymore, he really hates me. what should i do?? i decided not to contact him for the next few weeks but seriously i have no idea what should i do next.. ps: we are in a long distance relationship and before we broke up, he still listened to me when i told him to get home early from his friend’s place. he hates me but at the same time he always do what i say to him even if i didn’t threaten him. also his friends told him to leave me. please help me i need some advices from you! thanks a lot natasha!! xoxo

Me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago. I was truly deeply in love with him and he said he loved me too. We lost our virginity to each other. This past summer I went on a vacation to Hawaii and he went on a vacation to Wisconsin. He left two days before I got back. We had been going out for 7 and a half months and we stared having sex at the 3 month mark. The first time we saw each other after we both got back from our trips, we hung out and I was planning on having sex with him that night, he acted like everything was fine when I went to pick him up by making out with me, picking me up and spinning me around. We went out though and he sat me down and said we needed to talk. Right then i knew something was wrong. He broke up with me with the phrase “I’ve fallen out of love with you.” I was crushed. I have no idea if this could have been caused by him doing something with someone else and feeling guilty about it so he broke up with me or if he had found someone else but I am still deeply in love with him and dreams about him nightly. I want him back so bad. He broke up with me on June 22 and I haven’t actually spoken to him since. I sent him a happy birthday wish because I thought that would be a nice things to do since his birthday is the day before mine even though we weren’t together anymore and never got a response back from him. I don’t know if that was a smart decision but I really miss him and want him back. Since the breakup he has cut off all contact with me and I don’t know if that’s because he did something with someone else while he was gone and he feels guilty or if he found someone else. He deleted his Facebook or at least blocked me and I am so upset. He seems mad at me. I still think about him daily and all the fun times we had together. Do you think this article will help in my situation? I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much and want him back so bad. I’ve always heard that giving them their space is the best way to go about getting them back but that doesn’t seem to be working. HELP!
Whats your opinion in all this? Do you text/call or not? What is going thru his mind about this girl that he’s known for 1.5 months that he doesn’t hang out with, he only texts her he says but they have a “connection”. I don’t see any girls commenting or liking things on his Facebook but when I’m around and his phone is around he’s quick to make sure he doesn’t leave it or I don’t go thru it.

The best way to optimize your chances of getting your ex bf back is to become Ungettable Girl.  You want to increase your value in his eyes and also make it difficult for him to reach you, talk to you, and see you.  This is just a small part of becoming the Ungettable Girl.  It’s also about making yourself beautiful in his eyes from afar.  He can see you, but now it is at a distance (through Snap chat, Facebook, etc).   Slowly over time, your ex boyfriend will crave you and you will do things to ensure that he feels that craving every day by using little jealousy ploys and rumors and chance encounters.  Your ex boyfriend loves nothing more than a good chase – so give him one.
Please help me… My boyfriend and i broke u because he had to leave for college and we couldn’t be together. We both still care about each other and having to leave each other was really hard. Every time we see each other its very awkward and we barely even talk. Its been very hard for me and I miss him so much but i cant text him because he gives very short responses and then usually just stops responding so we never text or anything because I don’t want to annoy him. Is there any possibility of us getting back together? We never have said I love you to each other but lately I’ve been saying that I love him. Our relationship was nearly perfect. We never had a fight or argument and we were very close. Please help me I need him in my life so if you think we will get back together or if you have any tips please… I am heartbroken.
The best way to optimize your chances of getting your ex bf back is to become Ungettable Girl.  You want to increase your value in his eyes and also make it difficult for him to reach you, talk to you, and see you.  This is just a small part of becoming the Ungettable Girl.  It’s also about making yourself beautiful in his eyes from afar.  He can see you, but now it is at a distance (through Snap chat, Facebook, etc).   Slowly over time, your ex boyfriend will crave you and you will do things to ensure that he feels that craving every day by using little jealousy ploys and rumors and chance encounters.  Your ex boyfriend loves nothing more than a good chase – so give him one.
my boyfriend and i broke up like 5 days ago . i still cant accept it. the reason he broke up with me is because he thought i was rushing things . we were only going out for 4 weeks. if i wanted to hold his hand he would consider that rushing ? i honestly think that is he thought i was “rushing” he could have had communtication with me and told me instead of breaking up . aside from that whole experiance , i felt like i didnt know him as well . we went from barly talking to going out in less than a week. we both liked eachother very much though. what im going to do is change myself. not only to get him back , but for all the other assh*les who dumped me. i wanna be that girl that walks passed them and their like dayuummm we should get back together . at the end of it all i just want him to know how lonley hes gunna feel without me by his side. i honestly thought he was gunna be my longest relationship (my longest relationship has been only a month). and also yesterday , i poured my heart out to him and wrote him a hugeeeeeee text . his response was “aww thanks thats sweet (: ” i dont think he actually took in all the emotion and feelings and time it took me to write all that. one thing i hate now is that i try to be mad at him and i cant. i have to see his face eveeeryday and it would hurt me alot. im gunna have to live with this . #girlsgetf*ckedovereasy
After being in relationship with my husband for 30 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back, but all in vain, wanted him back so the love I feel for him, I begged yet I have made ??promises, but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested I should instead contact a caster that could help me a spell to bring him back, but I’m the guy who never believed in magic, I had no choice but to try I sent the caster, and he said no problem that everything will be fine within three days, my ex back to me within three days, he cast the spell and, surprisingly, in the second day, it was around 16:00. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for what happened, he wanted me to return with him, he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that’s how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made a promise that no one I know who has a relationship problem, it would help that person by him or her in reference to the only pitcher actual spells and powerful that it helped me with my problem and it is different from all false there. Anyone may need the help of the wizard([email protected]) You can email him if you need help in your relationship or anything
I am that ex girlfriend who broke up with a controlling man. He started stalking and harrassing me, and would harrass any guy I dated.I told him never to speak to me again, but he still tried to get me back, was watching and following me in person and on line ,so I called the police and filed a report, and later filed a no contact order. Turns out he had a warrant in CA for stalking another lady.I have to say to any guy…be careful of overstepping boundaries. You may push her limits till she is afraid of you or hates the very thought of you.If you are a good man, she will miss you and call you.
For that reason you should look to keep your texts fun, light and positive. Leave the heavy stuff (mentions of the breakup and getting back together) for later on. You shouldn’t be mentioning those things in your texts because BEFORE those topics can be mentioned, you first need time to change how she feels about you. Only once her feelings about you are more positive, will you then be able to see good results from discussing the breakup and the potential of getting back together. Why?

It’s also giving him the impression that he doesn’t have to put in any work for you.  And, let me fill you in on a little secret: men–well really, people in general — value that which they’ve worked for. Imagine how you would feel if you won an award just because they were pulling names out of a hat versus if you won a trophy for something you worked for. Getting a lottery prize is always nice, but getting a reward for hard work is more satisfying.
I ended a realstionship with my ex of 2 years we met up and I said I wanted him back we had sex and he left saying he was confussed and then sent me a text saying he wanted to be on his own. After weeks of texting and he kept saying no. A week later I said I was feeling better and wanted our realtionship to end on a smile and could we meet for lunch he said yes one Wednesday. I said I would clear my diary for next week, he hasn’t replied to 100 % confirm so 50:50 we will meet. I haven’t sent a text to ask. I do still love him and hate feeling rejected,not sure how to handle the situation

Your article gave me hope. There is no question on any level but that I am the best sex he’s ever had and on top of that he says no one has ever treated him like I have. Yet he has walked away. I am devastated. But he has had some family and work issues this year and all I did was whine I was selfish. So now I have let him go. Please tell me the mindvlowing genuine sex snd the fact that I treated him nice will bring him back (it always has before but he seems indifferent to me..being very distant) . He has come back after some pretty bad fhts in the beginning (we got over that years ago) just want to give him his space. The problem is he has a shallowness to him so if he hooks up with someone hot he will actually feel good because he looks good with her not because he feels good like he feels with me. Its sad to watch. His self esteem is bad. I wanted him to feel loved and he did..why is it never enough?

Remember, the no contact rule isn’t about him, it’s about you. You’re not cutting off contact to try to spite him, you’re giving yourself time and space to heal from the breakup. That is the goal. The byproduct is that he will most likely miss you during this time and yearn for you and while he’s doing that, you’re becoming a better and stronger version of yourself!

Dated my girl for 6 years and left her to go become a dive instructor on a island. I was gone 2 years but Came back 3 times and instantly back in the sack. I would crew boats back to the states and find a excuse to see her. Last time was normal I came by and we took a couple weekend trips and had sex and exchanged I love yous. Now 3 weeks went by and I came back down to start our relationship back up and within 10 minutes of her picking me up from the airport she tells me she’s seeing someone. I played it cool and when we got back to our old condo she told me I’d have to sleep in the guest room. Still played it cool. A little griping and OK good night. Played it cool for two days and told her I was back to get back together. Trying to explain you told me you loved me three weeks ago and didn’t want me to leave now I can’t sleep in the same room. I’ve been nice and not making myself look needy or desperate and got some nice smiles and laughs. Now tonight I sit to talk after she got home from work and she’s really resisting. Not cold but I tried to get I love you out of her and can’t. Fucking three weeks come on. Still sleeping on the guest bed tonight. I’m here for the rest of the week then going back up near Chi. to do a job for some cash I then wanted to move back in with her. She’s telling me to go up and see how I feel about her after the two month job. But I think she is just trying to make the rest of the week more bearable My birthday is in a couple days and part of the reason I came here was to spent it with her. thought that would give me a nice advantage if anything did go weird. It’s not working. starting to feel really bummed and discouraged. She’s been saying she’s working late and starting to think she’s going to see the boyfriend after work. When she told me she was seeing someone she told me he was out of town this week and would be back this weekend. I can’t believe that this girl I loved so much for so many years would welcome me back three weeks ago but wont now or return a I love you.
Well we broke up just 8 days ago.. actually he broke up with me anyway when i ask him to reason he said “I think it’s not gonna work. I always leave you alone and I know you have suffer about so I don’t wanna make you upset anymore” (for me it’s a stupid reason) normally he is an introverted person who doesn’t like to share his past and whatever happens he keeps smile that’s why I wanna be with him all the time. He got jealous when I changed my profile picture (I was with my friend) so he kept asking me that who is that person after we broke up. He also told me that “I can’t imagine my life without you in it” so he made me confused. I’m still inlove with him and I feel that he is still love me but Idk what should I do? T.T
It is important to take time after breaking up and before trying to get your ex back to examine your own emotions and decide if you truly should be with that person. Rekindled relationships often suffer from a lack of trust and can be more likely to cycle on-again-off-again with repeated breakups. If you're not 100% sure that you want to be with this person in the long-term, avoid further pain by doing your best to get over your ex instead of pursuing him or her again.[2]

Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming your ex, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that your ex contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else; you can only apologize for yourself. Leave him or her out of it and odds are the apology will be reciprocated.
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