You see that picture of me and the kids at the top of the page? Those two, more than anything else, made me want to save my marriage to Allison. I’m sure a lot of you are in the same position. You do what you can so those young ones don’t have to experience a broken home or a home of yelling and fighting. My wife took that picture 7 years ago. I have a smile on my face but my relationship was falling apart and I was desperate to save my marriage. Actually, I wasn’t desperate, I was angry and bitter and confused and I was almost ready to throw in the towel after 5 years of marriage to Allison. I was ready to consider breaking up our home and shattering the lives of my 3 year old daughter and my 1 year old son. I went through the motions of saying “I Love You” to Allison, but with all the fights we had I wasn’t really sure I believed it anymore.
Talk to his friends. If you have mutual friends or if his friends would be willing to talk to you without telling your ex about it, consider asking them what they think the chances are that your ex would want to get back together with you. They are more likely than you to know if he has a new girlfriend or if he's dying to get back together with you.[5]

he’s been exerting effort to focus on this other girl and probably hopes that they have a future together. i can sense though that he’s not totally happy. he’d still tell me that he misses the way we communicate. though i still sense his resistance, it bothered me why he still had to tell me that most of the time he can’t help but miss me in their conversations. i’m not sure what to make of his actions but i do believe that he still has strong feelings for me.


Then you cry, and maybe even look up to the sky, maybe even pray and think, ‘Please… Just let me get back with my ex. I hope my ex is just making a mistake and he/she wasn’t thinking it through. I know we are perfect for each other. I want to just call my ex up and say “I love you”.’ Then you look at your phone every half an hour, check your messenger, facebook, instagram, twitter, and heck… email inbox, to see if your ex would want to talk to you, all ready to get back together.
When people explain to me why they stay in unsatisfactory relationships long past the point where family and friends and everyone else encourage them to leave, they often say, “I love him/her.” I know that that is the real reason. Love has evolved as a powerful device to keep people together despite any defect or deficiency of a partner. Nature requires them to stay together long enough to have children. But it is not a good reason. As more or less rational animals, we can make decisions that promote our own individual interests. People who are capable of falling in love once can fall in love again and again if that first relationship breaks apart. The issue each person has to decide in the midst of a bad marriage or a bad affair is whether it is possible to be happy in that relationship—and, really, whether it is possible to be happier with someone else. Unfortunately, the alternative that occurs to many is not another partner, it is loneliness.
Me and my bf have been together for 15 yrs.. on Oct 12 I found out my dad is in the hospital. .he doesn’t text or call me all day..so when I get home I was pissed off..thats my dad..he didn’t even bother texting to see how he was..we get to arguing. .and he breaks up with me..wtf..like an idiot I start begging and begging. . No. .plz..and he just gets so angry with me..I have to leave the house. .I can’t afford it. .all wk moving out and work, stressed, heart broken to the max..and I can’t even be with my dad cuz i’m moving out..thats the worst..there were signs I should have picked up on. .like..he was becoming distant. .we had been kinda fighting but we talked about it..and I was really trying to work on the things we talked about. .I’ve been calling, texting. .of course. .I mean hello. .our entire lives are together. .but no answer. .no reply. .today is my birthday. .1 wk to the day we have broken up. .and to be honest I just want to go home..and be with him..at the same time. .we have a lease together. .pets..bank account *which I closed out yesterday* I opened my own..the utilities are in my name..I mean..I have to protect my name right. .at the same time I want to wait and see..ugh!!! He has broken up with me before. .maybe 5, 6 yrs ago..and he basically said he had hit rock bottom. .and blah blah blah..what am I supposed to do? No contact? While I was reading the article some things for sure stood out to me..I need to change myself. .not for him.. for me..I have become lazy..with my self. .and we were kinda on auto pilot. .but thats how life is no? We still did fun things..just not as often..we’re adults..with bills..and responsibilities. .idk..advice? Anyone?
The best thing you can do in this scenario aside from not putting up a fight at all is to actually agree with her. She’s not going to be expecting this reaction. None of her carefully involved scenarios that she practiced before the breakup speech involved your agreement. You just beat her at her own game. She’ll start thinking back to your relationship and wonder why she never realized that you were unsatisfied in the relationship as well.
When you go out or have new experiences, take pictures of your new and improved appearance. When you’re doing your favourite things, take a picture. You can also take pictures with your friends. Be happy. Then post on social media like instagram or facebook. This will help you attract new friends too! Your ex may or may not see these photos. Who cares? You’re enjoying yourself and you will attract more like-minded people. But please don’t post too much. Posting once every two days is a good amount to not annoy others while showing your amazing life.

Thank you so much. The article helps me so much to feel better. My boyfriend just broke up with me today and I cant accept it. But the reason is i was cheating on him with my boss. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 6 months. We’ve been broken up for dozens of times but we still keep on trying and hoping it will work out. Because of my broken family,I needed more attention from my boyfriend and I started to act needy and Jealous.He’s sick and tired of it but because he loves me,he’s always giving me chances to work it out. I know we’re on the edge and that made me think “what if I’m with another guy who I can be trusted financially?”

Try to understand where he is coming from. Have a completely judgment-free conversation with him about this problem. Tell him (calmly) how you feel, and listen to how he feels. See if you can come up with a way to resolve this issue and/or ensure that it never happens again. A couple's counselor might also be a good idea, as sometimes it helps to listen to an outsider's perspective on a problem.
it has been difficult at times to accept the fact from him that his father would never be ready to accept our relationship. in other words, i am scared to fall apart without him. although i neglect the fact that i am not much attached to him. but all these words are utterly false whereas i am deeply in love with him and fail to imagine my life without him. Father,my lord,its true i have never longed for him and now the situation is when i don’t want to abandon him. i love him. i really love him and want to hold him closer to me for ever and ever after.
The truth of the matter is that there is no magic fix to repair a broken relationship. There’s not a series of moves that you can do at home to make her suddenly wake up and realize that she’s made a mistake. You can’t simply utter a bunch of words and PRESTO! She’s back in your life. It doesn’t work that way. You can get started now, but you have to be patient. Some of these things take time, and that’s okay.

You have to look at both negative and positive aspects of your ex and your relationship. Every couple on the face of this planet fights, but if you two broke up, then chances are there was something seriously wrong with your relationship. Think about your relationship rationally. Don’t let your emotions control your thoughts. Imagine, you are a parent and your child was in the same situation as you, would you still tell your son or daughter to get their ex back?
My story illustrates the power of working on yourself, of being your best self, of being in a happy, settled place before you enter into a relationship. The reason my husband doesn’t know what shifted is that it wasn’t a tangible thing. It was my vibe and my energy. I changed a lot from the beginning of the summer to the end, I did a lot of important inner work and I genuinely loved myself and was happy with my life. That’s the kind of energy that draws people in. That’s what makes people see you in a different light.
The common thread that underlies these seven deadly sins is neediness. Neediness is the state of mind that encourages all the above actions. Believing that your ex is the source of your happiness, sense of well-being and/or self-esteem, is the type of thinking that will have you groveling and begging for your ex. Neediness is a state of mind more than a set of behaviors, it just manifests itself in certain actions. It’s a feeling that says: “I need you to respond to me in a certain way in order to feel OK.” (Make sure to read this article for more on neediness and how to prevent it.)
True intimacy involves self-reflection and transparency, both of which play a role in accountability. Self-reflection occurs when each partner can honestly, without pride, examine their thoughts and behaviors and take ownership for their intentions and possible “wrong-doing.” If one or both members of a couple are incapable of doing this, a marriage cannot move forward in a healthy way.
Hlo ,on 27th June he broken up with me,we spnd lot of time together,he is my first love and everything for me,ours relationship was to good evn in school all teachers know about tht we are in relationship, all students said made for each other ,I think about him always every minute ,I was wanting a2nd chance to solve the problem but he decided to breakup evn he doesn’t give any reason why he want to break up with me,i had sent him lot of msgs to convenience him,bt I also force him to continue the relationship otherwise I do sucide and all ,I know there is my mistake and I’m feeling guilty about this ,I was do this only because I don’t want let him go bt after doing this he starts hating.now he don’t evn want to talk me ,it’s hard it’s realize that I will never be with this boy again ,he is the boy who does not want to make me cry bt now he hates me because of my reason bt later I apologise him and try to convince him and pleased him to talk evn as a frnd but he doesn’t so please please please give me some advice how I get him back because I don’t want to leave him in any condition
When you go out or have new experiences, take pictures of your new and improved appearance. When you’re doing your favourite things, take a picture. You can also take pictures with your friends. Be happy. Then post on social media like instagram or facebook. This will help you attract new friends too! Your ex may or may not see these photos. Who cares? You’re enjoying yourself and you will attract more like-minded people. But please don’t post too much. Posting once every two days is a good amount to not annoy others while showing your amazing life.
Lord, I have come to you today to surrender to you all the load I carry in my heart. I have come to you to Thank You for blessing me with someone like him. Lord, you know how much love I have for him, and you know the pain I am going through right now. I pray to you to please heal our hearts with all the frustrations, the pain, the anger, the sorrow and all the damages. I pray to you to please Lord help us save the relationship we have. Lord i have come to you to ask you to please keep us stronger just like we were before, that the love we have for each other will always be unconditional as the love you have for the both of us, I have come to you to ask of you to please keep us together that we may face whatever wrath is going to be thrown at us and that we may overcome the struggles we are facing now and the years to come. Lord I know you know how much I want him to become a part of my life, to have him and share with him the remaining years of my life, I ask of you to please continue to bless our love with the help of your grace that we may keep the affection and the care that we have for each other until our last breath. Lord, I ask of you to please guide us through this bump we are facing, and for the years to come. Amen
I still obsess (2 months) about the relationship. I miss being a part of a family, I miss having dinner with him, the sex was mindblowing, sleeping next to him, the lazy weekends and the busy doing things together weekends, waiting for him to come home from work, I miss “our” home, his daughters, his family, Sunday afternoon cookouts at his moms…. I still have the most horrible days when I believe it was all my fault and I was just not good enough and will never be good enough for anyone. I let him do that to me. And yes, I sometimes want that back, him back… Yet, somehow I know that, eventually I will be ok, better than ever. Wish it would get here faster!
Oh and one more thing…Do not hurt yourself! You’re probably thinking ‘’What!?’’ but it’s true, many people start turning to self-harm thinking that their ex-partner may return by using such emotional behaviour and trust me, If they do somehow come back through this method it will only be for once more. They will probably be worried for you but also mainly for themselves. You’re facing the attention on your ex in a very negative way by doing this. Please, please, please do not do this and if you are in such a bad way emotionally get in touch with us right away. [email protected]
My story illustrates the power of working on yourself, of being your best self, of being in a happy, settled place before you enter into a relationship. The reason my husband doesn’t know what shifted is that it wasn’t a tangible thing. It was my vibe and my energy. I changed a lot from the beginning of the summer to the end, I did a lot of important inner work and I genuinely loved myself and was happy with my life. That’s the kind of energy that draws people in. That’s what makes people see you in a different light.
So my situation is a bit complicated. I was in this relationship for 3 years and 7 months. I broke up with him 8 months ago because I just couldn’t do it anymore. We were both hurting each other. After the break up we were always contacting each other. We tried to get back together multiple times, we talked about our new relationships and he seems to love the new girl. I spent a week at his house and I got pregnant. Now I’m four months pregnant and he knows because I told him. It’s now been about 9 months since the break up and I’m trying to get back with him. Lately we talk alot mostly about the baby and me trying to get him back. But he has no trust in me and says he can’t trust me ever again. What do you think?

Since 1994 Marriage Dynamics Institute has been helping couples build stronger and happier marriages. Over 100,000 people have experienced our classes and workshops with proven, positive results. Marriage Dynamics Institute is committed to remaining a primary force in reducing the national divorce rate. Our area of expertise is with the unique dynamics that exist in a marriage between a man and a woman and our classes, trainings, and workshops are designed to help these engaged and married couples. We use the most up to date research available in combination with our extensive experience with couples to design classes and workshops that provide lasting solutions to real marital problems. We know how to make a real difference!
Gandhi said a famous quote that can be perfectly adapted to this type of situation: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” In love, just like in life in general, we have the tendency to expect a lot from others and end up being disappointed. You can keep blaming others (including your significant other) but if you want to take control of the situation you’ll have to stop doing that. When you’re thinking, “I want to save my relationship and i need a marriage help” you have to become the example.
You are always going to come up with some reason why you have to contact him. You saw sneakers he would love on sale, you saw a meme he would find hilarious, it’s his birthday, it’s his dog’s birthday, you really want to update him on your crazy co-worker and the latest installment of her shenanigans, and on and on. But you must resist! Recognize what’s really happening, there is nothing urgent you need to tell him, you just want to talk to him because you miss him. But remember reaching out at this stage will not bring him back into your life.
Dear heavenly father, as I come to you today to ask for guidance and strength to strengthen my relationship Lord I can’t do this alone. I Need Your Loving Arms to keep us focused on you through this difficult time lord. We both have extremely busy schedules so it’s hard for us to see each other Lord and during those busy times we tend to argue more when we deeply love each other Lord come into our lives show us what we need to do to continue going the way that you want us to go, Lord. In Jesus name Amen.
hi natasha! i’m glad i found this blog! i just broke up with my ex last night, he decided to leave me bc i often threatened him if he messed up n hurt me. he said a lot of bad things about me last night and i threatened him back and we agreed to made a silly and stupid agreement, that he will do EVERYTHING that i ask from him till the end of this year then i promised i’m the one who will dumb him and he agreed with that (because i threatened him of course). and if he mess up he will add 1 more month for me to stay with him. i feel confused now, i want to get back with him bc to be honest i was the one who always overreacted but at the same time i don’t think he wants me anymore, he really hates me. what should i do?? i decided not to contact him for the next few weeks but seriously i have no idea what should i do next.. ps: we are in a long distance relationship and before we broke up, he still listened to me when i told him to get home early from his friend’s place. he hates me but at the same time he always do what i say to him even if i didn’t threaten him. also his friends told him to leave me. please help me i need some advices from you! thanks a lot natasha!! xoxo

Dearest St Jude, please I beg of you to help my boyfriend and I to have a healthy loving relationship with each other, please take away any temptations and any person who tries to come between us, please that he will start and show me more love and tenderness. I love him so much with all my heart and please I ask you that he feels the same way about me…and will start and put me first in his life..
I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

Need some help. Devastated. I was with my girlfriend for 18mths. Moved in together after 10mths. We went on a trip overseas and it was hell. two months later she ended it. She was upset she did it and said she misses me and we kept seeing each other for about a month. Then told me its not happening. She’s fallen outta love. Hurts like hell. She said she did try in that month but its gone for her and that she can’t talk for awhile and needs space. Then, stupidly, I was bored and missing her about 2wks later and sent her text saying that if i was better to her we’d be doing something together right now. She got back to me the day after and wasn’t happy at all. Asked for me to stop contacting her and that she will never love me again. Ouch! I really want her back. Not sure what to do from here. How do i get her back?
My ex and i broke up after a few months of dating,he left me for his ex but he still claims he loves me and still wants us to be friends.he cares for me,he does alot of stuffs for me we are very close.we stay the same street am closer to him than his girlfriend coz she’s far,we had sex at times but he feels is a bad idea coz he thinks he’s using me he doesn’t wants to hurt me.all i want is to get back with not remain just a friend i need your help.
I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years and all the sudden he is acting strange he doesn’t wanna see me anymore i go to his house to talk to you close the door in my face and i ask is mother where is he she said he’s out with the boys i don’t know what’s happening what is the acting so strange for no reason at all the funny thing is he doesn’t wanna talk about it either from being so close and so lovable hacking he just switch off is he born in the relationship i don’t know well his father deposit away this year but why did you push me away i wanna to comfort him but he didn’t want me anywhere near him i know you’re going through depression but he still goes out the weather is cheating on me i don’t know

He broke up with me first: he said that it was because he felt like we didn’t have a future together, that it felt impossible that i learned the language ( which i was doing), that I was asking for too much of his time, that he didn’t feel like he could do all the things he wanted with his friends. but I couldn’t accept it, I wanted to fight for the love we had, so much, I negociated, I asked for more time, I begged, I told him that if he still loved me it would be worth it. after a day of speaking he said ok. A week after I asked him again ( because I was afraid and I had been walking on eggshells all week), he said that he still had that feeling that we wouldn’t be together forever, but he told me he loved me and he really wanted to work for it, to work on it and make it work! ( i was so happy!)


Spend time with good friends. One of the best ways to source yourself is to put yourself in the company of good friends. Good friends remind you of who you really are. They can give you a new perspective on things and can generally be fun to be around. Good friends serve as one of the best distractions as opposed to eating a bucket of ice cream and watching Netflix all alone because they can help to build you up in the meantime and leave you more empowered, stronger, and more in touch with who you are. It might be worth it to define who good friends are.Good friends are friends that help you choose the most useful and empowering interpretation of your situation. They don’t look to blame or help you wallow in self-pity. They have compassion for you, yet believe that you are inherently fine. They remind you of how fun you are and how much life itself has to offer. Spending time with people like this will feed your soul. During this time take advantage of everything these wonderful people in your life have to offer. Plan a trip. See that show you all always wanted to see. Do all the things that make you feel alive and do it in good company.
Me and my boyfriend had been together 4 4months,the thing is that we stay in different countries we had this thing that disturbed our relationship were he is accusing me of cheating but I wasn’t he said guys call me a lot n I don’t tell them 2 back off, so since he travelled back it has Been one problem 2 another teLling how he hate me and he needs space I will beg him and we will come back again but few days ago he told me he needed space 4 now that my love is affecting his life and work that I should move on with my life I still love him and don’t know how 2 apply these rules since we are not close 2 each other and he said he will be back by septemeber help me 2 make this work what do u advice me 2 do thanks
Use that time to really understand what happened. Dating coach, Lisa Shield, adds: "There's a lot of fear when we try to put ourselves out there after having our hearts broken. Many of us don't have a good enough understanding of what we did wrong in the past. So, how are we going to prevent it from happening again? If you can, talk to a dating coach or relationship expert who can guide you to that understanding. Because, if you don't make sense of the past, it's going to be really hard to move forward." 

I understood so much more about where our feelings were coming from. I understood my wife much more and I felt more sympathy for her situation. I understood that I was driving her away with some of my actions and they were easy to correct. Bottom line: We are now much more patient and loving with each other. We are happier than we have ever been and our marriage is on track. Was it hard? Not really. It was more… like “ah-hah!” It took some effort, but honestly, with a bit of time and patience it was easier than I thought to turn things around.

Breakups hurt like crazy. And your mind is just clouded with the grief. It seems that your thoughts are just controlled by your emotions. So if you miss your ex, you might think that they were the perfect person for you. But in reality, it might not be so. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it wasn’t so. Your ex, just like every other person on earth had flaws. And your relationship, even though it might be hard to believe right now, was not great. How can I tell? Well, if it was great, you wouldn’t have broken up.
On the 22 he initiated contact that he was coming by the house, I didn’t answer and 29 of November he initiated contact again Stating he was coming by the house I didn’t answer. The reason I didn’t respond was because he at the time he had my house keys so he had access, whenever he wants. He sent another text on the 29th Asking if I had paid a bill only then I respond. During this same week, I knew he was angry since his coworker told me that they didn’t kiss, since her called got transferred to my phone and I ask her and she told him that I ask her. He then called me 7 times back to back but I didn’t answer. I went 2 weeks no contact although he was the one to contact.

So, follow the advice above, and then do this - do more of the above. Lots more. The common thread Gottman found that predicts divorce so well is weaved into it, and it is this: for a marriage to be stable, you must have lots more positive interactions than negative interactions. How much more? Twice as much? No. Three times as much? No. The positive has to outweigh the negative by at least five to one. This is not a number pulled out of a hat. It is a fact.
Hi, I met the guy through online dating. After a months we’re meet up and start dating. He was talking about the future and need to get a baby with me and he said “I do love with you”. We have sex when 4th date after sex he’s talk about marright but I know he’s didn’t mean and serious about that We are continune date and get close to each other. He’s text me everyday, seem to care me and love to be with me. I’m fall in love with him. But two months later I feel something change and I’m opened mind to talk with him that I want to be in relationships (I know it huge mistake). After that I feel he’s try to step back, less text, careless and not interesting to me meet. I feel he’s make me last priority. I asked him about love and relationships, he said he do love me but we just know each other for 2 months why I love him so much! Now I’m move to other country before I leave I asked him don’t give up on us and made long distance work it out. But seem like no meaning for him. He’s answer few text and give me a call just twice since I leave. I’m insecure if I follow no contact rules I will lose him forever. Please advice me I few heartbroken right now.
St. Jude I ask that you find it in your heart to pray for me and my boyfriends relationship. I ask that you take away any temptation my boyfriend may have or remove any other individual that will come between our relationship. Help him to be aware of how much I care and love him. I ask that you help our relationship be strong, loving, honest, and respectful. In the name of the father the son and the holy spirit. AMEN
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