Occasional conflict is a part of life, according to New York-based psychologist Susan Silverman. But if you and your partner feel like you're starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day -- i.e. the same lousy situations keep repeating day after day -- it's time to break free of this toxic routine. When you make the effort, you can lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.
In 2012, my little brother Adam died. My life shattered, and I spent the next month drunk in bed. It had been four years since Mary and I had spoken, but it spoke volumes to me that she came out of the woodwork to send me a handwritten note expressing her sorrow for Adam’s death. Through everything—the fights, the skipped plans, the immaturity—she found it in herself to reach out to me. I was blown away, and she was back in my life. We learned that we only lived a few blocks away from each other, and that is how we started dating for the fourth and final time. Once again we started seeing each other as friends. We always met up at this one café in the Lower East Side. I’d get a coffee, and she’d get a bagel.
please help me out. my ex broke up with with because she said she was tired of the relationship. i met another lady and we are dating. My ex girl who was in the states has now come back to the country and wants us to trash our differences and make up. but am in another relationship and i love this new girl. However, seeing my ex girl again brought back memories and the love i had for her but scared she will be stubborn again. i dont know who should i continue my life with since my current girl has done nothing to me and also loves me

My ex and I were together 9 yrs. I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn’t love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn’t find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it’s business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn’t paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn’t look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn’t get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend.
If you feel your partner is pulling away, the way to go is not to try to gain (or regain) the power in your relationship. "Power" doesn't give you what you want. What you really want is to be loved, you want your love to be reciprocated, and you want praise, admiration, and respect. Your negative feelings about your relationship stem from a perceived lack of these features.
Oddly enough, many of my clients were successful in re-establishing contact with their ex boyfriends by simply not even trying.  They didn’t do anything except move forward with their lives, focusing on bettering themselves personally and professionally.  In a way, it is a form of what I call Passive No Contact or Passive Radio Silence.  It works for some people.  They figure that if their boyfriend dropped them, then so be it and instead of becoming dependent and addicted to their ex boyfriend, they choose to embrace other things in their life, doing those things they want to do and accomplish. Then as they focus on those things and have success, often times their ex boyfriends show up realizing they made a huge mistake letting their girlfriend go.
My girlfriend told me she did not love me the same way she used to. That I was more of a best friend type of love… She has new friends that go out alot and she also started to drink socially.. Im not sure this is a cry for independence or because her parents do not a good relationship . So i wondered if she imprinted her dads action on to me as I would treat her as he treats her and her mom….. I tried telling her I could do things differently and so on but she starts med school soon and I am not sure if she wants to be independent or what… I have not texted her and deleted my own facebook to avoid contact. She didnt cheat, we didnt end on a argument. I was the one who said okay goodbye. And thats the last time I talked to her ( 2 weeks ago). Any ideas on what i should do?
Sometimes it can be hard to keep a marriage thriving after a long time, but it doesn't mean the marriage is lost forever. Both of you need to be willing to put in the effort to salvage your marriage. If your husband will not go to counseling, go see a therapist for yourself to get some advice and support. If things don't work out, you can still co-parent your daughter together; many people do this successfully.
On the 22 he initiated contact that he was coming by the house, I didn’t answer and 29 of November he initiated contact again Stating he was coming by the house I didn’t answer. The reason I didn’t respond was because he at the time he had my house keys so he had access, whenever he wants. He sent another text on the 29th Asking if I had paid a bill only then I respond. During this same week, I knew he was angry since his coworker told me that they didn’t kiss, since her called got transferred to my phone and I ask her and she told him that I ask her. He then called me 7 times back to back but I didn’t answer. I went 2 weeks no contact although he was the one to contact.
It works better with guys you know in real life, but if you’re having trouble getting started then pick your favorite actor. The important part is that you do this once per day, and that you really stick with it. It might not seem like it’s doing much at first, but in reality it’s detoxing your mind consciously and unconsciously from your ex, and putting you in a much better mental state.
He ended things.. This is a guy who comes back to me and has my number for 5 years. And we were so intimate and shared our past. He said didn’t want to play games this time. He came 4 hrs back and forth to spend time with me. Pursues me. Why? What does he want? Why travel in total 8 hrs to come have sex with me? He like a egotistical narcissistic unemotional prick. Please advice.. Btw I never responded to his message. I left things.
Let him see it, but don't say it. Tell him you had a great time, and that you could meet up some time to hang out… he will feel like his leg was chopped of for not kissing, but he will know that you want more, that there might be a new, bright future for the two of you. All night he'll be flipping around in bed, thinking about how beautiful you are and how much he wants to get back with you. I'm not saying you should be ice-cold when you meet up, on the contrary, be cold, but a bit mysterious, make him wonder.
“Sabrina! I followed your advice and got my ex back and would love to share my story. He broke up with me last year in April after being together for about a year and a half. When he broke up with me I kept it together and didn’t cry and was understanding of his decision, I kind of knew it was coming. Of course, I broke down as soon as I left his house. He was even crying when I left. Anyway, I decided to go completely no contact. We were still friends on Facebook because we didn’t want to leave things on bad terms. I was really focused on doing my best to move on and live my life. After seven weeks of no contact, he reached out to me. I didn’t make it too easy because I wanted him to work a bit, and I was also trying to move on. Eventually, we decided to meet up and ended up having a three-hour conversation. It was a really good one and we talked about what we were looking for and he was very understanding of what I needed and the reasons it ended at all. That was almost a year ago and we are still together. And while we still have our issues and are trying to work through things, it’s definitely so much better than it was the first time around. I think holding myself together and absolutely no contact was the key!”
You know that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you sense that it is over? Signs are popping up all over. A distant look in the eyes. Simple conversations become difficult often turning into looping arguments. Texts ignored. Your partner is pulling away. Panic sets in. We are failing. Question surfaces, “Is my relationship coming to an end?”
Learn to forgive. If you're going to move forward, you're going to have to forgive each other for the hurts you've caused. That doesn't mean completely forgetting what happened or even saying what happened was okay. It does mean that you need to acknowledge the hurt it caused you. You need to realize that the other person makes mistakes, and both of you learned from that mistake. Finally, you need to accept that it happened and move on.[18]
I really like the links from the first comment. I think as long as the two people love each other it doesn't matter what they did. unless its cheating. Trust is hard for me to understand. MY bf doesn't trust me and even though he has done things to break my trust in different ways I feel like I know him and can understand he's just a human and we make some mistakes sometimes. I try and change how he wants me to, to be a better person and show him I do care but somehow its not ever enough. I do not know how I can show him I care. He wants a big grand gesture but I do not have money or an idea of what to do. He said something like seeing him at work would make him feel like I care but when I didn't do u it his time limit that I didn't even know about he got mad. I just want to show him he is special but every little thing doesn't mean anything to him anymore. I can say I felt like how he describes because he hurt me and I didn't care about anything but distressing helped me see more clearly and what I needed to. I think that's what's going on with him because he hasn't been able to distress.
So, find out what messed up your relationship and work on it. Were you too cranky, moody, jealous, demanding, insane, nagging-all-day, not giving him his space and freedom, disrespectful, got fat, made out with another guy, or you just sucked in bed? Whichever it was – fix it. He needs to see that, after a month or so of breaking up, you are progressing; suddenly you became a different person. But do it for you, not for him. Once he sees how much different you became he'll wish you never broke up in the first place, he'll want to give the whole thing another chance too.
For real, change yourself for the better; let him see that and he'll want to be part of it. But you won't let him back into your world overnight – even if you really, really want to get him back, don't. You both need some time to appreciate each other for other things then sex. And when the sex does come, it better be mind-blowing. Then again, don't be clingy and don't call him every day after that – love all over again – instead, take your time. Let him think about you and worry a bit.
Unlike you, dear reader, I don’t have any ex-girlfriends. Nope, not a single one. But if I did have an ex-girlfriend to get back with, I imagine I’d do so because it would feel easy. I imagine it would be like settling into an old groove in an old record that I hadn’t heard in a long time. I imagine it would be a very bad idea. But what if it wasn’t? What if it was exactly the right thing to do? Because there are different kinds of exes, is the whole thing.

I hope this helped you understand exactly what to do in order to get your ex back. There’s one more thing to remember – even when you do get him back it’s very difficult to keep him… unless you know how to make him want to be with you and only you forever. You need this secret formula to get your ex back in your arms for good. It will reveal how to get him to see you as “the one” and desperately crave you by his side forever. If you don’t read this now you might miss your chance to get him back forever so don’t wait: Do You Want Your Ex Back? Use This To Get Them Back…

Me and my ex were together for 4 and a half months. She mentioned a while ago when a guy messaged her that they had a thing before me and her but she assured me that it was the past. Apparently not. She broke up with me because I don’t have a job and I’m apparently lazy. I smoke cigarettes and weed and I am forcing myself to quit these things and I feel like its the only chance of getting her back. Ive also been looking suuuper hard.for a job, but it isnt easy when youre17. This guy that she had a thing with before us is now going all out to try and snatch her up. She broke up with me a week ago and I got information from her friend that she has already gone out on 2 dates with him… that hit me like a train. As soon as I heard that I bursted into tears. She seems like the type to come back after a while but im just not sure because she mentioned that she just doesnt feel the same way about me as she did before, the “butterflies” are missing. I will do anything in my power to get her back because what i dont think she realises is that I am the one who actually cares about her and loves her and this other guy just wants sex. I am way too attatched to this girl and she has such a huge part of my heart and its killing me that she left me so suddenly. :( I REALLY need your help…

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My relationship was an open one. We had an argument and i wanted to broke up but went back after 2 days. I later took some space without telling him, its been on for about 4 months. So we didn’t break up but I’m worried he thinks so. He called first one month after the space but i didn’t pick or chat with him. Then 2 weeks later he called again and i picked, we talk for a while about nothing important but didn’t call again. Then sent Christmas and new year message which i replied but nothing else. Then 2 weeks after that i sent him birthday message and called once but he never picked or called back. But 5 days ago he called and sounded so quiet,l. The conversation was really short, i was nice and i didn’t ask to meet him either but right now I’m really worried if things will never improve. We normally use to chat on WhatsApp and i haven’t received a message from him. I don’t know if i should still keep holding on or to move on.
he’s been exerting effort to focus on this other girl and probably hopes that they have a future together. i can sense though that he’s not totally happy. he’d still tell me that he misses the way we communicate. though i still sense his resistance, it bothered me why he still had to tell me that most of the time he can’t help but miss me in their conversations. i’m not sure what to make of his actions but i do believe that he still has strong feelings for me.
Ever get a whiff of your husband's cologne, or signature tomato sauce and feel warm and fuzzy? Savor that moment and use it, says Spencer. "Scent is the one sense tied most closely to our emotional memories, so if his cologne, or salty after-gym smell still has positive connotations to you, that's good news." Spencer says it's almost as if your nose is telling you that, deep down, your brain still puts him in the 'he's a good one' category. "It's worth looking for whether this feels true in your day to day life as well."
First thank you so much for this website!!! I found it the other day and it has already helped so much with helping me feel empowered again and work on my own self-care. I love the way you describe everything, even though I am still having a hard time, your posts bring me back to reality and help me to focus on myself and know I deserve better. So the short story is I was friends with my ex for over a year at the same undergrad and we went on a service trip together. We started dating during the summer and it was long distance for about 6 months. All of my friends and I agreed that he was such a respectful, kind, and all around great guy. I thought things were going well, he would tell me how much he cared about me and how he was lucky and glad he met me. I was supposed to go to his friends NYE wedding with him. Two days before the wedding he called and said the military is more important to him, he can’t do long distance, and he hasn’t liked me for the past month and a half even when he came to my family’s house. I was heartbroken and it felt unreal because of all the plans he’d been making and things he’d been saying to me. I didn’t think he was the kind of guy who could lie to me. My friends are saying he could just be confused and nervous about having to start different schooling with the military. It feels like he didn’t even try to fix things and give it a chance. I hate how much he hurt me but I do still love and care about him. It hurts because it has only been 2 weeks and on Monday he sent me a song title (because he used to send me a song of the week) but nothing else. Then the other night he sent me a message on Snapchat but I’m trying really hard not to open it since he would see that I did. I am doing no contact and reading your article has helped convince me that I need to do it for myself and focus on myself not to get him back. I deserve a guy that truly loves me and will chase after me even if times get tough. Thank you for helping me realize this!
Thanks for this post, Jason. After I read it I had a little hope that me and my ex-boyfriend COULD get back together. But then I scrolled down to the comments and I read everyone else’s comments, apprehensions, fears, emotional and psychological hardships that they’re going through and I wondered — if this is how a person is making us feel, is it worth it?
I want to say a very big thanks to Dr OLU for the wonderful work he did for me in helping me to save my marriage, my husband ask for a divorce letter because of the little misunderstanding we had in the past few month, And i never wanted this because i love my husband so much and all our investment was a joint business and i don't want to be far away from my family and my two lovely kids. My friend told me about Dr OLU and how he also helped her with her marital issues, so i had to contact him because i want to stop my husband from completing the divorce letter and i want to keep my family together and after contacting him, i was told what i needed to do and when i was going to start seeing the result, I did as Dr. OLU has instructed and after 3 days my Husband call me and start asking for my forgiveness and it was all like a dream to me and we are all living happily together again all thanks to Dr OLU. Contact Him today for marital help via his Whatsapp number: +2348067704010 or call him.
My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.

So me and my ex fiance are no talking terms right now.. she left me a month ago and still wears the necklace I bought her and she wont give me the ring back because she says I bought it for her so its hers. I dont like to feel weak but I want her back and its super hard to not see or talk to her. She says im scum to her but then again she still has pictures of me and notes I sent her. Im at a loss right now what should I do to get her back

Dated my ex bf for 1 year and 6 months, long story short we broke up cause we couldnt communicated with each other. I ended up in the ER with an asthma attack and he found out. He called me all worried and I told him I was fine. (It had been about 2 weeks since we had broken up that this had happened). Same week he calls me again to see how I’m feeling and that night I find out he’s talking to another girl. I call him up and tell him to fuck off and then he and that girl got into a fight cause a mutual friend of ours was telling this girl what my ex said to me when we broke up….telling me he was gonna realize hes wrong and come back. He calls me on black friday after thanksgiving and wants to see and talk to me. I see him that saturday and we catch up and yup…have sex. bad i know…anyways he then says he wants to try and work on things and give me a second chance. im thrilled. So less than a week goes by and on wednesday i go and see him and it was raining pretty bad so i had to stay over and we had sex again…it was not a good idea but i love this man so much…he calls me friday to tell me that he needs more time and doesnt know if he wants to work on us. He says he sees changes in me and thats what i had to do for myself….but also for him. I want him to come back to me so much. I love him.
NOTE: YOUR mate value/perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship. You CAN become that guy (again), and I’m happy to teach you how. Begin the process with my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Your results page will then guide you further from there on what to do to get this girl back.
My boyfriend and I are in complicated situation, we want to be together but we can’t because of his mother, so we are just being friends now and he says that we are more than that but less then couples. I don’t know what to think cause’ sometime it feels like he doesn’t want to talk to me or that he’s only giving me short answers when we text but when you skype, its a whole different situation. When we skype, it feels like that we were still going out and so its confusing me so much. We would still be together if his mum didn’t poke her nose in our business but I understand that he’s respecting her wants but it hurts me. She think that she is doing a good thing when it’s causing so much pain for me to not even be able to see him in person, I need help to know what to do please.
just recently I broke up with my boyfriend,we spnd lot of time together,he is my first love and everything for me,ours relationship was to good evn in school all teachers know about tht we are in relationship, all students said made for each other ,I think about him always every minute ,I was wanting a2nd chance to solve the problem but he decided to breakup evn he doesn’t give any reason why he want to break up with me,i had sent him lot of msgs to convenience him,bt I also force him to continue the relationship otherwise I do sucide and all ,I know there is my mistake and I’m feeling guilty about this ,I was do this only because I don’t want let him go bt after doing this he starts hating.now he don’t evn want to talk me ,it’s hard it’s realize that I will never be with this boy again ,he is the boy who does not want to make me cry bt now he hates me because of my reason??so please please please give me some advice how I get him back because I don’t want to leave him in any condition?
It works better with guys you know in real life, but if you’re having trouble getting started then pick your favorite actor. The important part is that you do this once per day, and that you really stick with it. It might not seem like it’s doing much at first, but in reality it’s detoxing your mind consciously and unconsciously from your ex, and putting you in a much better mental state.
In the last years I also held over a thousand consultations, helping people revive their relationships. Recently, I vastly expanded my book, adding new techniques and considering all of the nuances of the last several years of consulting couples, to make sure that it can help as many people as possible. I also have over 9 years of experience in consulting men on how to meet and seduce women. I can freely say that I am a specialist in female psychology and know which buttons to push in order to get the necessary result. I used this information in the book, as well, so you can use it in your pursuit of your loved one.
Personally, I wouldn’t consider it an emergency if he’s without some of his stuff. However, if for whatever the reason he was so worried something happened to you, at some point he would ACTUALLY start looking for you, whether it’s at work or at home, in which you would find it sweet of course, but at the same time you can tell him you’re fine and just need some space.
My boyfriend broke up with me last May 14. We were fine texting during that day. But when I suddenly become mad because of a little thing. He also got mad and broke up with me. He told me that our relationship is not working anymore and that we are always fighting. I begged him and told him if we can still fix our relationship. He then told me that he doesn’t want to fix it anymore and doesn’t want to be in my life anymore. The next day, I once again asked him if we can fix this but he said he doesn’t want to. I told him that maybe we should talk about it in person. We met after four days, we talked about our relationship. I asked him again if he still doesn’t want to fix it and he said yes. He also told me that he doesn’t love me anymore, though I don’t believe what he told me maybe Because I still can’t accept it. I cried in front of him and told him that I love him so much and I dont want to lose him. And He told me that he will still be my friend and he will never leave me as a friend. On that day, he told me that I can do whatever I want to do with him. We went to the mall, watch movies and had fun together as if nothing happened. The next day, he didn’t contact me or text me at all. Four days had passed and he suddenly texted me, he invited me to watch a movie with him and so I went. After that, we went to our respective homes. He texted me, how I’m doing though we had just seen each other that day. Because I was very curious of what does meeting up with him means. I asked him if going out and seeing a movie with him means its a date because I was expecting anything from it.He told me just friends and just invited me because he doesn’t have anyone to go with him. We stayed up late all night texting and told me that he was just checking up on me if I had already moved on because if not, he will still not contact me. He also invited me to go out again with him next week and accepted it. The next day, the day after we stayed late texting each other, he didnt contact me again or didnt even texted me at all. Because of that, I decided to text him and said that next week will be our last meeting because its hard for me to move on if I keep seeing or communicating with him. I also texted him that I need space after we meet up next week, I will stop any means if our communication and if he really doesnt want me in his life anymore, then I dont want him either. But, if he still wants me, I told him to make an effort. Is my decision right? I wanted to stop all means of communication with him eventhough I really want to get him back.
Hi, we work at same place and she sit just front of me so we see each other 100 times a day. Not able to apply no contact rule properly. Two months in no contact but not working as both are at same place. But whenever I text her in urgent no reply from her. In a month we will not be together, so should I wait to be apart when she will feel it or everything in her seems dead for me. I can’t take her rigid nature of not texting back or receive emergency call. What she want. I am not well and can’t focus on my personal life and career which is not good for me.
You can’t just dive back into the relationship and expect everything to be different this time around. You broke up for a reason, probably several reasons, and those reasons will still be there unless properly dealt with. You can’t do the same thing and expect different results, that’s just insane (literally, I think that’s the actual definition of insanity).

Love this blog. I’ve been broken up with my ex for 2 years and he really is who I’ve loved this whole time and not sure why we ever broke up. After all this time, I heard from him on Christmas Eve and we got together. It was a start but of course we aren’t together but I’m glad we’re talking. Things can only go up from here, right especially since we to no communication at all?


Unfortunately, if he really wants to leave, there's nothing you can do to stop it. Even if you still love him deeply and want to continue, if he doesn't, it doesn't continue. However, you do have a right to get clarity from him. Try to agree to something that suits you both. Instead of moving out, consider sleeping in separate beds for a while, or agree to only talk about these matters on Thursdays, giving the two of you guaranteed peace of mind all the other days.
Hello,My name is cherry from New Zealand,wellington,i am very happy at last i am married with kids to the one i loved so much,my ex-lover now[husband],who left me for two years,Thanks to Dr Maxi for helping me cast the spell that brings back my ex-lover now [husband],I am grateful to you Dr Maxi for always been there for me when i needed him most,You two can also be helped by my Doctor his email is maxispelltemple@yahoo.com
 Change up your look. Making small changes to your hair or wardrobe can have a huge impact on your overall confidence and make you feel good about yourself. In fact, tweaking your external appearance can, amazingly, inspire the courage you need to make more substantial changes. Something as simple as honing your personal style can eventually lead to actions and choices that can improve your energy, satisfaction, and joy in life. Investing time and energy in making small improvements to your outer appearance makes you feel joyful, confident, and entirely yourself and will only lead to good things.
I have one for you guys! I started dating this girl that in my mind is the perfect one! I mean I couldnt possibly build a better woman. Well after 4 years of dating we broke up because she was tired of my habbits.!? Well we have been broken up now for three years and she still calls and texts every day. When I go to her house for the night she sleeps in her bed alone. She helps me in any way I need. (Bails me outta jail, pays my phone bill, buys me sweet gifts, ect.) 

Spend time with good friends. One of the best ways to source yourself is to put yourself in the company of good friends. Good friends remind you of who you really are. They can give you a new perspective on things and can generally be fun to be around. Good friends serve as one of the best distractions as opposed to eating a bucket of ice cream and watching Netflix all alone because they can help to build you up in the meantime and leave you more empowered, stronger, and more in touch with who you are. It might be worth it to define who good friends are.Good friends are friends that help you choose the most useful and empowering interpretation of your situation. They don’t look to blame or help you wallow in self-pity. They have compassion for you, yet believe that you are inherently fine. They remind you of how fun you are and how much life itself has to offer. Spending time with people like this will feed your soul. During this time take advantage of everything these wonderful people in your life have to offer. Plan a trip. See that show you all always wanted to see. Do all the things that make you feel alive and do it in good company.
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