Okay so my boyfriend broke up with me because I was transferring to another college while he was being forced to go back to Chicago. When we talked, he told me he was staying a bit longer but he still chooses to go to Chicago, despite that he didn’t really want to break up with me. How do I know if he really wants me back? I still love him, but I don’t want to chase him away.
You sound like you have Borderline Personality Disorder…..how do I know this? Because I have it too. Unless you are just really young and this is your very first relationship and you haven’t a clue how to act. Seriously though, look up BPD and see if you have any of the other symptoms….and if you do, go get diagnosed and get some therapy and meds…..it helps !

Yes, she’s back! I thought it was impossible. She seemed to hate me! I annoyed her a lot. She stopped calling me and didn’t answer my calls, screamed that I just need to leave her alone and nothing was possible for us. But as soon as I started following the rules described in your book, she called me! It took just two weeks! We met again and now everything is fine! I was sure I could never get her back, but your book helped me understand many of my mistakes. Thank you!

i broke my ex coz i found out he was cheated on me..the other girl use my bikini..and i did not talk to him for a week and he ask sorry and want to be friends with me so i become friends with him he spent christmas and new years in my house..new years there is something happened me and him i thougth we are go back together but looks like he dont want to see me anymore..i invite him to go out with my friends party he did reject me so i tell him i will not bother him anymore we been together for 2yrs like live together..now he text me that he miss me a lot..and im still the best ever he had..but i dont know if he want to ggo back with me or not..im still love him but i think he dont love what will i do now …i miss him a lot too…but i have to move on with my life now i did not text him anymore or even hang out with our common friends…im still confused…

Relationships cannot survive on love. Trust is the foundation upon which all relationships are built. If you break trust with your partner, the relationship suffers. In order to rebuild trust you have to repair the hurt you inflicted on your mate. In my work with couples, I guide them through a 5 step process to repair hurt. For easy remembering the steps begin with the letter A.
However she has a boyfriend that they have been together for about a year and a half. He treats her like shit, talks to her like shit and to top it off he is a fat sweaty nerd! OK here is the kicker- She is a former Texans cheerleader. She is beautiful, and Im not a bad looking guy! I have recently kicked my “bad Habbit” but she is still with this geek and I for the life of me cant figure out why she wont leave this jerk. She is my best friend.
So my ex boyfriend and I were together for a year and 4 months. Honestly he was obsessed and so was I but i became too comfortable. He was my world and I never thought he would leave me. He would always chase after me and showering me with love and it made me the happiest person alive. One day he got tired of fighting with me and he dumped. told me he didnt want me anymore. I looked like a fool, i begged i cried i ran after him but he just walked away with his head up. it was so painfully. he blocked me on everything so i dont have contact but if i text him he will usually unblock to read my messages. it hurts so bad and as messed up as it is i still want him. I want him back so badly it kills.
Right now is your time.  While your instincts are to obsess over your ex boyfriend and run through your mind over and over again as to what you did wrong, you have to stop thinking this way.  So what I want you to do is start writing down your vision of the future and what you want.  Don’t think so much about what happened in the past, but focus on what you are going to do to start healing.
Your ideas seem great, but i feel like my situation may be a little different seeing as how my ex bf is different. Long story short, we had been dating for 9 months and I even lived with him for a bit when i was in between leases. We started getting into a lot of fights that came from his insecurities. He can be a bit short tempered at times as well, and one stupid fight that I caused turned into this big one. I definitely said some things that struck a nerve with him (i was pmsing at the time). So we decided to take a short break. I tried ending the break but he didnt seem ready in which i irrationally broke up with him thinking he didnt want to be with me. It was juvenile of me, I have so many regrets from it. He got mad blah blah blah, so we decided to just go back to taking a break.

Ive been seeing a woman we are both in our late 30’s for about 5 months, and got introduced with her young children and her parents a couple of times. Everything was great then her child had problems at school, the ex of 2 years ago and the father of the children got involved, then straight away after 20 odd texts a day cut down to 2 a day. I decided to turn up with some flower to show my support as knew something was wrong. She wasn’t home so went in her friends shop to see if they knew what time she would be back who then told her I was in the village, with that I received a txt saying is this true and why was I about and to go as she didn’t want me at the house when she returned. I went back to her friends shop to ask if they knew what was wrong and had they said anything about me being there as wanted it to be a surprise. Since then by txt it has got totally out of hand where the friends have said things and she has taken what Ive said wrong, now she wants me to leave her alone as she thinks its not normal turning up the way I did and she is scared I will turn up again which I has said I wont.
Impossible as it may seem, I have created techniques which transform relationships… even when only one person is trying! My typical client is a spouse that wants to save their relationship when their partner has already “given up.”Most therapists work from the assumption that, if only one person wanted to work on the relationship, it was impossible to fix. I don’t approach marriage crises this way. I approach them like an algebra equation. If one side of the equation is changed, the other side must change! Incredibly, my clients have achieved an 89.7% success rate. . . even if only one spouse starts the process! (Findings based on surveys.  Individual results can vary.)
Not every long-term relationship should last even longer. In this connection I always think of two candidates for the worst marriage ever. One patient was a man, the other a woman. Some of what they endured was similar. Both marriages were childless. The man put up with persistent infidelities on his wife’s part, often with his friends. She did not work, did not take care of their house or dogs, (which she insisted on buying) and was an alcoholic. She sometimes struck him, once with a hammer. She might have been delusional. She accused him of wiring the house to spy on her. When I asked him why he was putting up with her, he said, “I love her.” The marriage only broke up finally when she went on vacation with one of his friends and never returned.
My story seems to be a bit different then most. So without trying to bore you completely I’ll give you the basics. I met my ex in high school and boy did I hate her she was that annoying chick in class I couldn’t stand. After high school I began hanging out with her with my best friend, now the big twist begins here. I had left my house with my boy and her there and one thing led to another and they ended up hanging out afterward and having a kid. I wasn’t mad at either of them bc I never expressed my feelings for her before hand. There son was 3 months old when they broke up, I lost contact with my buddy but regained connection with her and as friends went to eat with her. Ever since that day we were inseparable, she was my best friend my lover and in my eyes soon to be wife. Her son was 1 1/2 when we found out we were having a little girl. She did not want to have another child which forced a argument of her wanting a abortion. After consideration she decided it wasn’t the right thing to do and proceeded with the pregnancy. We had our baby girl dec 24,2011 best day of my life. Now she will be 2 In a month me and the ex are broken up and she is out partying like she is 16 everyday I get my daughter. She has lied to me and put me threw a lot but I can’t help but want her back, I mean guys she is the mother of my child. She wants nothing to do with me, took me for child support and custody. Am I crazy for thinking it’s not over and trying every opportunity I get to get her back and persuade her. What could I do to win her over, I love her with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with her, my daughter and her son who I’ve taken in as my own. Help, advice?! Bare with me it’s a open wound.
While she already has you on her mind, you can write her a brief note. In order to be the most effective, it should be written by hand and not typed out. Simply say that she was right after all – that you think that ending the relationship was the best thing to do. Keep it to fewer than three sentences long, and then mail it. As tempting as it may be to just leave it somewhere for her to find or drop it off at her apartment, don’t. Then let it go.

Thank you for this article. My bf and I got back together after a year apart. I broke up with him because I did not feel he was going to take it to the next step. Engagement. He tried to reach out to me during that time. But I never picked up. He called ,e out of the blue and for some reason I picked up. He said he was still in love with me and he had moved and wanted me to come and visit. Came to me as a surprise because I am pretty sure he has been dating. I never stopped loving him and it made it hard for me to even start a new relationship. So about a month ago I called him and told him I would visit. It was great. We laughed, joked talked about what we did wrong before and how we would change it. He told me we should take things slowly one day at a time. I agreed. But my emotions are running so fast and I think I was “over expressing” myself. Anyway he said it seems like I am getting ahead of myself again and he really wants to take things slowly. It made me feel bad until I read your article. I will follow the steps. We have gotten past a few of them. I really don’t want to mess things up. We both love each other like crazy and we have such good chemistry. He tells me everything like he has always done and I do the same. I think I will build on that. I also talked about the past yesterday and he did not like that because we’d already discussed it and he said he had put it behind him and did not want to be reminded of it. Thank you for this.
Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.
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I’m in the same exact boat as you. My ex and I were together almost 4 months, we were amazing together till he started working again. Then we were fighting all the time. He accused me of cheating when I would’ve never have even thought to do that. I love him with all my heart. We’ve been broke up 2 weeks and more drama happened and now I don’t even know if I’ll ever have him back. Because before all the drama happened on Saturday he told his friend he was going to take me back in a week or two, he just needed more time. I love him with all my heart. I had to start the NC over again, so I’m only on day 7. Did any of this work for you? I’m scared and hurt, can’t help but have hope though. Only thing making me feel partially okay
My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago. He says he was tied of arguing. He was saying another girl a couple times but they are no longer talking. He always text me calls me and wants me to hang out with him or stay the night at my place. He text me when I’m at work with xoxo and always says he loves me and is more affectionate toward me now then when we were together. But he still says he dosn’t want a girlfriend right now I’m confused.
You need to become the person that they fell in love with in the first place. No, scratch that, you need to be a person better than the person they fell in love with. You need to show them that you are not the miserable, needy loser who was begging when they broke up with you. There is a good chance that they have associated a lot of negative feelings with you. You have to break the pattern and give them a taste of the new you.

My boyfriend and I just broke up a few days ago. He said it wasn’t working out between us. He said that we argue too much and that I get frustrated way too easily. We did argue and I would get mad over little things. But we would always talk out the issues and for the most part move on from them. Recently I had become really jealous of this girl that works with us. I felt like she was extra flirty with him and it made me feel insecure. I talked to him about it and told him to say something to her about it. He declined saying that it would make there working relationship awkward. He said I should trust him and he does not like her. I kept pressing. The next day he broke up with me. I really care about him and I want him back. I’ve been texting him constantly and I feel bad for doing that. I will give him some space to think and hopefully this will help us. I really want us to be together.

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.
My gilfriend just broke up with me. 5 days ago. She said through text and phone conversation that she was done . I asked for my stuff back that was left in her car.She took like 2 daus just to give it back. When we met up to exchange items. She gave me mine and disnt want her stuff back. After i realized that i was wrong for pushing her to say shes done i apologize with voicemail, email,and text. I only acted like an ass to her in the beginning thatpushed her to this point was because when i was upset at somthing she did i felt as if she ignored it as she didnt care to want to know why i was even upset. So i light weight metally abused her by talking shit and sending her shitty fowl mouth text messages. I only disnt it cause when i tries to express my feeling beofr the whole blow up ,sje kelt ignoring the facr that i was uoset about somthing.by ignoring text,call,and i was just building up more anger to be provoke into a shit head. Do stjff that was going to get her attentuon but was hurting her emotionally, mentally inside. She didnt want her stuff back and has continhed to ignore m. Completley as if i dont exists. I feel she never want to own up when shes wrong but she always expect me to right away. Or else. We were together for 8 months and she has to kids 7 and 9 . i feel like why throw 8 months down the drain like that. Atleas give a consideration that i was a faithful dude down to be in it for the long hall . We even talked about having more kid and getting married at some point. I mis her and never wantes it to be a permanent break up. I know if i pull at her more while she still mad and bitter shes just going to pul away more. On top of that ahe has the type of girlfriends who like bashing dudes cause thwy dont have one or not satisfied qjth the ones they have. She would always tell her friends about me and how much she loved me and even tod them all about our sexual life. Her mom and dad like me iv been around her family and every one of her family functions. Now im wondering damn is she really done. Or is she just so pissed off tell she hates me right now. Should i just totally forget she exist and wait until she comes around or should i fight for more. When she gave me back my stuff she got in her car but disnt leave right away its ike she waiting for 10 sec . I ignored it and got into my car and left cause my ego came into play juat as hers was when she said she was done for good. Help me.understand this.

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During those penultimate moments, it is reasonable to think twice about what is happening. I often recommend couples therapy even when one or both have made up their minds to leave. I do not think the goal of such treatment should be to encourage the couple, no matter what the cost, to stay together. What needs to be determined is what is best for the two people involved. One person may not want to separate, but if the other is determined to leave, the couple will split apart. Even then, the man or woman who is left behind will have profited from those meetings. If the inevitability of that break-up is made obvious, it is easier to let go. Also, it is worth trying to figure out what went wrong. It may be necessary to rethink the past in order to move on to the future. And, sometimes, it does happen, of course, that the difficulties a couple is having are solvable; and it becomes desirable to reconcile.
So, find out what messed up your relationship and work on it. Were you too cranky, moody, jealous, demanding, insane, nagging-all-day, not giving him his space and freedom, disrespectful, got fat, made out with another guy, or you just sucked in bed? Whichever it was – fix it. He needs to see that, after a month or so of breaking up, you are progressing; suddenly you became a different person. But do it for you, not for him. Once he sees how much different you became he'll wish you never broke up in the first place, he'll want to give the whole thing another chance too.
Ok, so I met my dream man and we started dating. I have not dated much, so am really naive when it comes to men and dating, but we were going great together and planing ahead for weekends away. We were dating for two months when he just ended it out of the blue without any reason at all. I had to hear through second hand stories that he thought I was childish and he did not like the way I treated my mom. I was told he did not want anything to do with me. He did not want to see me or speak to me. I tried contacting but he just ignored me. We have been broken up now for six weeks and my heart is in pieces. I have no idea why he broke my heart and I have to admit I have been trying very hard to get him to explain or at least meet up and tell me face to face. I am now told again through second hand stories that he has met someone new and that he is happy, but his family does not approve of her and they have all turned their back on him. They were not happy when we split up at all as they say he was clearly happy with me. Now I am left wondering what the hell went wrong and trying to pick up a broken heart. Everyone seems to have their own ideas and when ever I say I would like to try and see him they just keep telling me that he does not want me and I am being childish. I must grow up. Sorry, but my heart is broken for no reason and he hides behind others instead of just telling my why! I don’t know if I even have a remote chance of getting him back but I really hope I do as he is my whole world. I have waited for this man my whole life and when we were together it was as if we were meant to be. You just know when you have met the right man. I just wish he would talk to me as I get the feeling there is more to this then meets the eye. I am a blonde and fare and the girl he is dating now is dark so totally apposite to me. Some says it is out of spite for everyone, but I ask why? I read this article and hope perhaps it might work, but not sure if it would. Think I am not going to be so lucky as he is very stubborn as well.
Well as I said, you can affect a girl’s emotions much better face-to-face than you can digitally. And remember, as a woman, she makes her love-life decisions based ON EMOTION. So if you can affect her emotions better in person than you can digitally, it thus becomes obvious that meeting with her in person is a vital step forward for your goal of getting her back.

So your breakup sucked and everything went horribly wrong. Welcome to almost every breakup in the world. It happens. No matter what caused the breakup or how bad it was, there are ways to get your ex-girlfriend back. If you take the correct actions at the correct time you can find yourself back together quicker than you imagined. It’s simply a matter of knowing what to do and when.
This is when I felt like I really met Mary. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t jealous, and I wasn’t distracted—I had a clear mind, and I loved her. She was the kind of girl I’d always call back, and always take out for dates, and always hold hands with. She’s the kind of girl I never want to be away from. I’d seen what life looked like without Mary (cue damp Jimmy Stewart shouting “Mahhhhrrrrrryyyyy, don’t you remember me Mary?” in It’s a Wonderful Life), and I had a new appreciation for her. I loved the person she had turned into: She had built a life for herself in New York and was the person I know she always wanted to be—she grew her bangs out, too, which I guess is a big thing for women?
So, follow the advice above, and then do this - do more of the above. Lots more. The common thread Gottman found that predicts divorce so well is weaved into it, and it is this: for a marriage to be stable, you must have lots more positive interactions than negative interactions. How much more? Twice as much? No. Three times as much? No. The positive has to outweigh the negative by at least five to one. This is not a number pulled out of a hat. It is a fact.
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