Impossible as it may seem, I have created techniques which transform relationships… even when only one person is trying! My typical client is a spouse that wants to save their relationship when their partner has already “given up.”Most therapists work from the assumption that, if only one person wanted to work on the relationship, it was impossible to fix. I don’t approach marriage crises this way. I approach them like an algebra equation. If one side of the equation is changed, the other side must change! Incredibly, my clients have achieved an 89.7% success rate. . . even if only one spouse starts the process! (Findings based on surveys. Individual results can vary.)
First, your acquaintances will unfollow you and seeing the negativity, they won’t even want to go near you or introduce new people to you. Second, new friends will all know that you’re sad and don’t want to know you more or else they’ll get infected with your sadness. Third, for the friends who really care about you — you can just go the traditional way and meetup with them and cry your eyes out.
Okay, so it’s been a month since our breakup, which he initiated by saying that he wasn’t feeling ‘OK’ with himself so he could, therefore, not be with anyone else, that he was hurting me with his hot and cold attitude (true) and that I deserved so much better. It broke my heart, but after that conversation, I went to his place (I had offered like the weekend to think about it, but he was gonna go away to the beach with friends to ‘clear his head’ and it just was too much for me) that night to break it off. He didn’t let me come into his place, sent his grandma to tell me he wasn’t there, told her I saw him and that I’d wait but only a little while ’cause it was late. He came out, same argument but now backed up by my “I do deserve better”, “I do deserve someone who will fight for me” and his “Let’s be friends”, “I don’t want you to disappear from my life” and “I will always care for you”. I naively believed all this and we were supposed to meet that weekend so he could give me some of my stuff, I got a message late telling me he was sick in bed and couldn’t, so I asked what should we do about it (mistake, I know :/) and then another week went by and didn’t hear from him, so I sent him a subtle text asking for my stuff back that I didn’t wanna fight and there was no point to him ignoring me but… he just kept on ignoring me. BTW, I did stop texting except for yesterday and the day before to pick up my stuff. So, he didn’t reply (he lives far so I didn’t wanna show up and him not there :/) but I went with a gf who sorely hates him and wanted this over and done with for me to move on. Texted him I was a block away, he was so surprised (Um, he could’ve checked his phone when he was online?) and was like “So, you’re getting your stuff and then just leaving?” and I said “Of course, what else do you expect?” and he replied “I don’t know, just asking”. So, he came out and I handed him his stuff, said I didn’t have to bother and asked what I brought. Stupidly, I started to tell him each item but then stopped and just handed him the bag, he handed me my stuff and he was about to talk to me when my friend said “We gotta go, got plans, remember?” and I snapped out of it and just waved and said “Well, take care, bye” and he just looked at me all shocked and ‘sentimental’ (something was going on there, no idea what kind of feelings, confusion?) and I turned around before he closed the door.
Lord I come to you with worry on my heart. I broke my boyfriend’s heart, and my have lost him forever. I just ask that you give him the gift of forgiveness. I ask that you open his heart and allow him to see that our relationship is worth saving. I ask that you be a force in our relationship and help us to fight through this terrible time and fix our relationship one day at a time. I don’t know where else to turn and I know that you work miracles. I am asking for a miracle at this point. Things look really bad right now but I know that all I need is faith the size of the mustard seed. I pray that you help me and my boyfriend get through this and I pray that my family stays together, I ask this in your name.
st. jude i pray that i want a better relationship with my boyfriend rudy open his heart and his eyes and let him see that i really do love him, care for him keep him away from his ex yvette that she doesn’t come between our relationship let him realize that am the woman of his dreams n that i will make him happy n love him forever help him be abetter man for me and my daughter , san jude i really love him please help me change him into a good person and that he just have eyes for me …..amen in the one of the father and son and hoy spirt amen
she left me in 2011 and came back to me in 2012 afta i have callin her and not answering my calls for a year then she left again for a year 2013 around march and came back to me this year 2014…she started calling me on the 28 of february this year and i was shocked and confused about that.but at my point of view she was heartly brokened with the partner she was dating after me.we get back together but she told me we dont have to make love and i agreed but i forced her.now she is telling me she want a breakup coz im cheating but she doesnt have any proof.i loved her and i still love her.so i dont know what to do.i need your help guys..i think she is gona leave again coz im trusting her..but i said i dont want a breakup…thanks for your help guys.
I care for him deeply and last text i saent was letting him know that im flad he is taking the time to get better and that nevertheless I miss his company and hope to meet soon on a positive note. He hasnt responded and I feel even worse… I miss him and do want him back or at least hope if he does the work on himself..he realizes what i brought to the relationship..is it too late for no contact in this situation. He is known for making rash decisions during times he is overwhlemed. This breakup however seems he has confirmed it as opposed to before he did this the first time…
The wife of a patient of mine told him she was leaving him because he bought a lamp without first consulting him. When I asked to see her, she explained to me that it was not about the lamp. The problem was he never consulted her about matters that affected both of them. Although she had spoken to him many times, he truly had not understood her. It is not uncommon for someone to persistently misunderstand a spouse if he is asked to do things that seem foreign to him, possibly because of the dynamics of the family in which he grew up. No matter how many times she had spoken to him he had not taken her seriously. In the setting of my office, however, it was possible, finally, to get through to him. He had never intended to ignore her and had not realized that that was what he was doing. They had had a failure to communicate. This problem could be managed.
You know that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you sense that it is over? Signs are popping up all over. A distant look in the eyes. Simple conversations become difficult often turning into looping arguments. Texts ignored. Your partner is pulling away. Panic sets in. We are failing. Question surfaces, “Is my relationship coming to an end?”
Me and boyfriend have been together for 4 years and we broke up for 4 months last year because I said I would change about my moodiness and I didnt, I didn’t put as much work in as I should of then I got back together with him in June. We have been fine no arguments nothing, until December when I was feeling down and stressed with uni and I was ill with severe iron deficiency but no doctors would listen to me so I have been really stressed and upset and continued to January and I didn’t realise how it was making him feel. Recently we had an argument because I was so low and upset with everything as it was all going wrong I just wanted to know he was there, so was a little needy. I upset him by saying he didn’t care but apologised by getting him a card as I was truly sorry and didn’t mean to hurt him. He has now broke up with me after I said I will change and be myself now I have been treated and we can have fun, I have taken this more serious wrote down my thoughts, his thoughts and how I can change for the better and I am certain I am going to change and want to change. I have asked him for one more chance and he says he doesn’t believe I will change. Do you think there is time and he will regret his decision, I love him so much and I can see a future with him
The best thing you can do in this scenario aside from not putting up a fight at all is to actually agree with her. She’s not going to be expecting this reaction. None of her carefully involved scenarios that she practiced before the breakup speech involved your agreement. You just beat her at her own game. She’ll start thinking back to your relationship and wonder why she never realized that you were unsatisfied in the relationship as well.
We explained earlier how keeping your emotions in check is critical to making this period of no contact work. I know how easy it is to backslide and fall into our familiar patterns. This isn’t just the case with relationships either. Just think about how it normally goes for you when you’re starting anything new: a new low-carb diet, a new bedtime, mediation, a new workout routine, etc.
There was no “trick” to getting Mary back for good. Going through a tragedy had changed me. It was terrible, but it helped me grow the hell up, and by the time Mary and I crossed paths again, I was ready to be the kind of person who texts back and keeps plans and buys presents for no apparent reason. We don’t yell at each other in the street anymore, and that’s pretty cool.
About a month ago I found out my boyfriend of 4 months has been cheating on me. I was so confused, we have been doing so well and we were really close, I didn’t understand what made him do it. Before we started dating, we were close friends for 3 years, we told each other everything and we used to tell people that we were going to get married some day, at the time it was all a joke, I had no intention of being more then friends but he did. Anyways we got together and it was the best couple of months of my life. Then, I found out he cheated on me, he begged me for forgiveness and he said he didn’t really have a reason, he was just stupid! So we got back together 3 days after I found out. The first week we were okay, but the second week turned to chaos, I started feeling insecure, every girl that called him, texted him or took a picture with him made me cringed, I will throw tantrums and break up with him, then call him back and all he would just say is “did you get over your little tantrums?” We stopped having real conversations, it seem like he would always cut our phone calls short and tell me I talk too much, so I started picking fights with him because that’s the only way I can get his attention if we’re not having seX. all he did was apologized but he never really made the effort of making it up to me, I didn’t make him fight for me, he stop spending time with and stop calling as often as he used to. HE cheated and when I forgave him it’s like I shot myself in the foot, because he completely changed, and I have been trying to show him that I have forgiven him by sending him cute messages in the middle of the night that he can read in the morning (he’s never done anything like this, his never even called me beautiful or complimented my new hairstyles or any effort i make for him) and we can move forward but he started acting as if I cheated or I have done something wrong, so I retaliated by constantly reminding him that he cheated. Anyways his been paying me no attention, unless we’re talking about sex, he doesn’t listen to anything else I have to say. So I decided to dump him on text after I called him to confine in him and he just completely disregarded my feelings and told me his going back to sleep. I text him and told him that it’s over and that I was not over him cheating on him. it’s been in days and he has not replied, probably because i also told him i was over him and hated him(lies), he wouId already called back by now to stop me from leaving but he hasn’t. I was only breaking up with as cry for attention and affection. Though we fought so much leading to the break up, we were always great and he made me so happy in a way no other man has ever before. I feel bad because I Forgave him for cheating then dumped him After I told him he was forguven. He probably thinks I’m just crazy. What do I do? Even though I initiated the break up, I don’t want to be the one that crawls back because I will be condoning the way he’s been treating me lately, I don’t want to feel neglected again but I want him to want back so badly that he would do anything to make it work and lasts
Listen, sure, finding some new dude may be okay for you as a bandade, but it won't help you get your ex-boyfriend back. You should make him jealous in a smarter way. Like, he should see that there are guys mingling around you, but don't let him see that you've actually found someone. Don't post stupid, drunken-party pictures on Facebook of you making out with some random dude.
I’m glad to say that all your tip helped me to get myboyfriend back, he came crawling back to me within one month, we just got back together before the new year. He dated this new girl for a few days while we were apart buit then realised she isn’t for him. He is still friends with her though so I’m trying not to get my insecurities in the way this time, I’m also taking initiative in creating a better relationship and build a much stronger foundation. I guess I just have to trust him and also give him his freedom. Just like I have my guy friends he has his girl friends. I’m not trying to push him to do things for me like making me feel special he has to do it o n his own.. But for now I’m just enjoying my life with my boyfriend. Much thanks to your great tips,
Through marital or couple therapy, the counsellor can help the couple increase effective communication skills, assist in looking at each other’s perspective, discuss what makes a relationship work and what a healthy relationship looks like, help identify specific problems and dynamics of the relationship, understand gridlocked conflicts, and help establish interventions and strategies that will help strengthen conflict management skills.
After a year and few months, my ex left me cold turkey. I’ve been told that it was immature or just selfish the way she just stopped..talking. She was 25 and I was her 2nd real boyfriend, she was a goodie stay at home girl. Well it’s been almost a year, and she’s still on my mind, i still wish we were together, maybe after I get my RN license, i can talk to her again. Sometimes I want to text her just to ask how she is or somehow to see that beautiful smile of hers again..It sucks that when I think of us, I think of all the good, fun, and happy times, and I never think of the bad times that happened between us, unless someone actually tells me to think about it, and think about how she made me stress and how she didn’t appreciate the things I would do for her. Sad thing is it feels like all she ever thinks about are the bad things and the faults during our relationship. I think this is where people that are in love differ…I can only see what makes her so special to me and why its so hard for me to remember the not so green side of the relationship. Maybe finding someone that sees only the good in me is what love truly is. Its 3am I’m incoherent, I’ll probably forget I ever wrote this..
Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. It's not unheard of for a couple to get back together after they've taken time away from each other, so don't give up hope. Just be sure to put plenty of thought into the reasons you broke up before attempting to get back together, as this can help you make the relationship work the second time around.