I really enjoyed this article. It made me feel better about my situation perhaps hopeful. My boyfriend I started dating over 4 1/2 years ago and he broke up with me six months ago. Since then we’ve seen each other quite a few times. But it’s been difficult . Shortly after breakinh up it came up in conversation that he was no longer in love with me. Of course I was shocked because I couldn’t understand how someone could fall out of love so quickly. Since then we’ve met on several occasions. we don’t argue anymore and things are generally amicable between us.
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that your ex is seeing someone new, try not to jump to conclusions or let jealousy set in. By no means should you do anything to try to thwart a new relationship. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don't want to force a person to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.
Ok, I read this after me my ex and I had been broken up for 7 days and it felt as if I had stumbled across the road to the Golden City!! I’m sure all of these steps will be very successful and I’ve Walready put some of the steps into action as far as forgiveness & becoming a better ME. First let me give a little history on the situation. My ex had been begging me to move in with him, which was aewsome thing but look I’ve done the move in thing 3times already and they all led to a big fat failure. Anywho, I just was so unwilling to do that again ecspecially since the last time left me raising a new baby on my own.. I refused to move both me and 3 yr old in with him & his two young sons without some sort of “security” from him like either marriage or atleast an engagement. Anyway, we had two break- ups one which led to us making up a day or two later. We stayed in touch through txt the whole time and then I decided to go see him. He apolgized for the break-up & so did I. He then Begged me to move in once again . I told him we would work something out. The next day was full of of I love you txts from him and then Outta no where the same day he called and said he does’nt think
Ever since the 22nd July until 25th July, I’ve been sending him messages on wanting to salvage this relationship, wanting to change and be more open minded and gradually change to really trust him, his replies are all negatively saying “no, I’ve tried but I can’t.” “It’s better we stay friends” “I can’t see any future ahead of us anymore.” “I can’t see myself being nagged by you everytime”. His heart is not even waivered and he seems really firm with his decision.
So my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks before Christmas and I’ve tryed everything to get him back. It looks like its hopeless even though we are really good friends now and he seems into me again. I just don’t know if I should see if he really ever liked me or if he still does. We’ve been together before, although it took a year and a half to get back together. I’m wondering of the spark is still there!
In an effort to resuscitate an already dysfunctional relationship, women will frequently make the fatal error of bluffing. Your girlfriend will repeatedly threaten to break up with you in order to scare you into changing (for the record I wholeheartedly disagree with this method, but that discussion is for another article), hoping you will prove your love by doing anything to make her happy. It never works, and you rarely take her threats seriously. So you break up.
Trying to work through marital problems can be a daunting process, and you might not even know where to start. Every marriage is unique, so figure out the specific issues at the heart of your conflict. In order to find solutions, you and your spouse will need to communicate openly and constructively. Try to stay positive, and avoid blaming, stonewalling, and launching personal attacks at each other. Rebuilding your bond will take time, so have patience. A marriage counselor can help mend the gap, so don't feel embarrassed about reaching out to a professional.
Make sure you are both open to change. If your primary goal is to protect yourself in the relationship from hurt and anger, you aren't open to change. Instead, you'll likely want to control your partner to enforce that protection, making your relationship negative and stagnant. On the other hand, if you're both willing to learn and grow together, your relationship can develop over time into something better. If only one of you is willing to change, it may not work.[24]
You are so amazing and spot on and absolutely gorgeous! Excellent article!! Want to brief you with my situation. Dated a guy 5 yrs ago went on 6 dates and we connected well but I never had sex with him. He made all the effort but he’s a business guy and I was a student And he ended things since I was demNding for his time. We got back a year after and same situation. Now I’m a working surgeon grown woman. After 5 years he sends me a text on this year Valentine’s. I just got out of a relationship then. We decided to meet and it was my bday that week. He bought me a Chanel bag and took me more shopping. Had dinner at my favourite French place. Stayed in a suite. We had sex for the first time ever. Was nice and intimate. Since then he texts me everyday 3 times a day and made plans to meet me again in 2 weeks. I live 4 hrs away so he came to see me last weekend. I arranged a lovely suite on the beach and we went out for lunch played golf. He texted me saying he appreciated the effort I made and had a good time. After that he’s been distant. Not as much flirting. Btw he has a 2 yr old son he’s busy with. Single dad and has a nanny over the week. Weekends he’s full time dad. Anyways i texted him yesterday we flirted a bit. Made little small talk and he was busy traveling. Asked him he’s been bit mellow and is everything ok with work? He said all good thanks. He did say he hAs a lot of work to be done before his trip next week…No more good morning msgs or night msgs. He’s making a trip to Dubai next week with his son so surely won’t hear from him for a week. But the day before he was leaving I sent a text saying hey just wanted to know as we are adults and be honest with each other. If I’m going to invest on time and according to your busy schedule and being a single dad and if I’m going to wait for you to come back from the trip, do you want to be exclusive and date or date casually as sex buddies? So he answered saying Hey, firstly i’m sorry if my yummy mummy comments upset you – they were never intended that way.
Give yourself permission to stop trying when you're ready. No matter how good things used to be, or how much one party wants the relationship to keep going, sometimes it's clear that it has to end. If you've already put in effort trying to save the relationship, and you no longer feel love or the will to try to reignite it, it's OK not to force yourself to keep trying. Don't spend months or years dragging it out and criticizing yourself for not being able to make it work. It's OK to choose happiness over self-sacrifice. When one person stops participating in the relationship, it's better for both people if it ends.
Me and my girl have two kids together she left me because I was too controlling. She left me 3 months ago. She lives with a friend that’s a girl about 100 miles away from me.Before she left I accused her of cheating a lot she was tired of it and left. For two months I bothered her trying to get her back. I’m her first love and her first boyfriend. When we last spoke she said she hates me and wished I was dead. If she didn’t care about me than why is she still responding when I talk to her? I know she still loves me and she knows I still love her. Everytime I’m positive with her she knocks me down yelling, cussing, or threatening to take my kids away forever. She thinks if we get back together I will an ass again. She cries sometimes when we talk over the phone. Do I have a chance of getting her back? And How? We been together for 6 years

You may worry about the old adage, “Out of sight, out of mind,” and use that as a justification to reach out. The thought of him moving on and forgetting about you is too terrifying to bear. One little text won’t hurt, you reason. But, in this instance, it will hurt. If you want your ex back, it is important that you strictly adhere to the no contact rule.
About 2 weeks ago, after an intense brunch date he texts me saying he doesn’t think I am capable of or know how to be in a solid relationship. He listed all my flaws (he was right about some of it) and he pretty much said he didn’t want to be in a relationship where his girlfriend showed no emotion. Other hurtful things were said and I was blindsided by it all.
Your number one advantage in any breakup situation is to let it happen without fighting her choice to leave. No matter what choice words are running through your mind as she’s spewing her breakup in your general direction, hold your tongue. She has made her decision and at this point, you can’t make her rethink that choice. The last thing you want is another screaming match. Just put your hands in your pockets and wait until she leaves before you start hitting the wall.
Throughout our courtship, I was utterly under the control of my ex-girlfriend. I let her walk all over me. She would call me at 4 A.M. and only stop calling when I answered. Being in college, I decided to drive down south where she lived to see if our relationship could work. I asked Mary to wait for me while I figured it out. She didn’t want to. Obviously.

It is natural to feel anxious and sad when this happens. Your anguish may lead you to attempt to use various manipulation tactics to get the upper hand in your relationship. But playing games to gain or regain the power in a relationship is bound to lead to its demise. There are many relationships in which one person holds more power than the other, but these tend to be extremely unhealthy. Physically or verbally abusive relationships, relationships in which one partner is cheating, and relationships in which one partner has more assets than the other (that are not common property) are often doomed to fail or to lead to heartbreak and unhappiness.
My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn’t holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so I got ready while he was checking his email on the computer, pretending that I was going out and he ask if I’m going some where and I said yes. And then I tease him a bit about his hair since he havnt. After that he said I looked happy and I said I am, that stuff got shift these pass weeks. And when he came out the gate walking on the road he said it again that I looked happy and I said I am. And so since he doesn’t have FB I texted him suggesting he get a fb account and add me, personally it would have been good if he saw some stuff I posted. Anyway he respond and said
I seek your blessing in this junction of my life. All my love life was a faliure and end up broken for years..Since my last husband dissapered and took everything I owned. My life just fell & I was broken and mentally trauma too. But after 7+ years I met someone who liked me crazily and needed me more than ever… As very matured adults we started getting to know each other over past couple of months.. It was with his interest that I too started liking him and we are compatible in many ways and our hobbies to coencodice.. Suddnly he is drifting away from me. I started feeling the need and the urge he had to communicate is dying down. And his visits to my plc too dropped. Now it has come to a standstill. Dear lord my god & the Holy Spirit I seek you divine inter vision as this situation to change. Last I spoke to him was more than a week ago. And he mentioned that we should continue our special bond and seren relationship that we have and how I hv changed his thinking to doing things differently & much more positively.
And you always want what you think is good for you. So how can you make yourself better? You can start from appearance (new haircut, new clothes, get some muscles, eat healthier, etc) and a good attitude/be open-minded. Join meditation/yoga/learn new things. Upgrade yourself with your outer appearance and inner attitude. Be the best version of yourself.
When those arguments become daily occurrences, and tend to arise over almost anything, then that’s when things get a bit more dicey. For example, if you arriving 5 minutes late for a dinner date turns into a massive screaming match and results in both of you going to bed angry for the third time in a week, then that’s a problem. These kinds of arguments, if they happen frequently and tend to blow small grievances or disagreements way out of proportion, can indicate that your marriage is headed in the wrong direction.
Today, I’ve got the usual habit to clear his Hotmail inbox and I realized that he’d booked two tickets to a horror late night movie yesterday. And at this point of time, I might have guess that he’s watching it with the girl whom he previously had dinner with. Somehow, I felt that he might have taken a slight interest in this girl colleague and have decided to move on and try out dating the new girl since he’s so firm with his decision on ending off the relationship with me and see no future in us after all that we’ve been through and in such a short period of time?
If your partner is staying out late more often, and showing less interest in family and spending time together, that may be an indication that they are either unhappy with the situation at home. It may also be that they’re preparing mentally for life apart, building a social life or possibly even dating. Hopefully that’s not the case, and don’t prematurely accuse your spouse of this just because they’re home less often, but it is a possibility.
If you feel your partner is pulling away, the way to go is not to try to gain (or regain) the power in your relationship. "Power" doesn't give you what you want. What you really want is to be loved, you want your love to be reciprocated, and you want praise, admiration, and respect. Your negative feelings about your relationship stem from a perceived lack of these features.
Let’s say one night you decide to watch home movies from an old-fashion projector. You put in a video of you at 5 years old playing at your first recital. You curl up on the couch with popcorn and hot chocolate (two of your favorite things) and begin to watch. Unfortunately, there appears to be a weird blemish in the video, so you decide to change it and put on a video of your 10th birthday party but somehow the blemish is in that video too. So, you run over to the wall, wipe the screen, and put in one more video… yet again, the spot is still showing up.

I’m in the same exact boat as you. My ex and I were together almost 4 months, we were amazing together till he started working again. Then we were fighting all the time. He accused me of cheating when I would’ve never have even thought to do that. I love him with all my heart. We’ve been broke up 2 weeks and more drama happened and now I don’t even know if I’ll ever have him back. Because before all the drama happened on Saturday he told his friend he was going to take me back in a week or two, he just needed more time. I love him with all my heart. I had to start the NC over again, so I’m only on day 7. Did any of this work for you? I’m scared and hurt, can’t help but have hope though. Only thing making me feel partially okay

Similar situation, Charlotte. I’ve been going through some rough anxiety and depression and have been moody a lot and he decided it is not right for him. We had planned a life together. We were so sure we were meant for each other. I am trying so hard to get back to myself with a change of medication. It’s difficult because we do work together. I’m devastated and lost.


You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.”

I don’t think anyone should worry so much about getting him or her back. Sometimes relationships just don’t work and that’s okay. Sure, it hurts like hell, but that doesn’t matter as much. Don’t stay in relationships. And for godsake if he dumps you, then just get on with life. You shouldn’t be begging and pleading to get back together with someone who treated you poorly. Yes, you probably made mistakes but the point should be that so did he. You’re not the only one at fault here. Try to remember that, when you want to get back together with him, just think do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Not only that but if one night can make up his mind, then do you really want him? There are better guys out there that actually care about more than sex. You can do so much better. Take time to heal yourself and worry about fixing yourself for you.
We explained earlier how keeping your emotions in check is critical to making this period of no contact work. I know how easy it is to backslide and fall into our familiar patterns. This isn’t just the case with relationships either. Just think about how it normally goes for you when you’re starting anything new: a new low-carb diet, a new bedtime, mediation, a new workout routine, etc.
so Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year, just a week before the anniversary he ended it. ive been trying to stop crying but i simply cant. specially the fact that many thing remind me of the good memories i had with him. he was the first real bf i had, and i was his first relationship. so having mistakes and some arguments were normal i think, so i neglected them. the good thing about him was that even after the times it was my mistake and he was hurt, we spent the night crying and apologizing and saying i was sorry, and the day after that he was totally normal. the longest time that we didnt talk was like 24 hours coz he had no reception in the mountains. the real question for me is that the usual relationship tips never worked on him. playing hard to get, staying out of touch or trying to make him jealous would just make him say: ” stop that… i know what you’re doing!” even in the beginning of or dating and after we knew each other well, i knew he was somehow different. you know he was like 50 shades, not the crazy kinky side of him of course but the part where he took care of me and protected me. despite his age, hes been working for long and its been almost two years that he provides for his family. he pays for the mortgage, buy food and all that. and he also goes to college in another city. he does not party like boys his age do and all the other boyish stuff. from the start, we both kinda knew that we cant last forever. i live in a country that family matters the most and in that part we were the opposite. but we are too young ( 22 ) for getting married or something like that, and i know that you might say im too young for being hopeless of finding someone else. the fact is, arranged marriages kinda rule in my family ( i live in middle east if u need to know) and its not just underestimating myself but im short ( 5 feet only ) my hair wont grow longer than my shoulder, my noes is too big in my face, and believe me, i have consulted with different doctors about my problems, but they need solutions or surgeries that my dad wont let me do. even my mom says im not beautiful. my sister mocks my face and body. let alone people in college and so on. im in a family that love and support does not exist, and coz im not that fun and outgoing because of my economic situation, i cant really go out with my girlfriend much. so im asking you this, coz Ive been asking myself: whats the harm? now that im alone i can understand how much the breaking up hurts, and i know that if it went on longer, it would have been even worse. but considering all those things i told you, isnt he the best for me right now? and considering the fact that he always acts different, and also kinda mannish despite of his age, how can i get him back? its our anniversary in a few days, and his birthday in 3 weeks. would that be okay if i contact him in those days?
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