I was with my ex gf for about a year and no lie, she is the only girl i have ever really felt happy with. Well anyways, i feel that its my fault because i decided to take a brake with the relationship. Now she has a boyfriend who she has been with for 2-3 years. She and I still talk and hang out every now and then (her boyfriend doesnt know she hangs out with me nor does he know who i am), but it feels wrong to me. I know she has a boyfriend so i respect her and keep my hands to myself. She tells me things like “even thoughi have a boyfriend, you were still the best boyfriend i ever had”, or “sometimes i wish you never broke up with me”. I am currently going to college and she had just graduated high school (we are both 18). Her boyfriend doesnt go to school and does not have a job, so i asked her why she has a boyfriend that isn’t doing anything with his life and she said, “because i love him”, that left me speechless. I know he doesnt deserve her because he always argues and cusses at her, doesnt trust her (what is a relationship without trust?), he keeps her on check (where are you at? Who are you with? What are to doing?). I have never cussed at her, yes we argued sometimes but got over them easily. I listen to what she has to say and I’m there for her when she needs it. It hurts everytime she talks about him and even when she talks to him on the phone in front of me (he doesnt know that i am with her) and tells him “i love you” right before they hang up. I miss her so much and wish that she and I can continue our relationship. I can’t be “just friends”because I’ve known her as my lover and nothing less. I really dont know what to do, but what i don’t want is to have to move on. Pleeeaaassse help me out.
My ex broke up with me saying that he just lost himself in the relationship. For the first eight months that we knew each other, I was not ready to dated to a very bad relationship before him, so he continued to pursue me and try to prove that he was different. He was the perfect boyfriend for the almost three years that we were together, and he was also the one who really wanted a commitment and future. We had our entire lives together planned out from the wedding to traveling to kids. We ended up spending all of our time together and not doing anything else with anybody else. Needless to say we smothered each other to the point where we were arguing over stupid things. We had classes together for another month after our breakup which was very hard for me. Initially he was very nice to me and would be willing to talk with me about the breakup any time I was upset. He told me that he just didn’t want to be in a relationship for maybe years to come because he really needed to focus on finding himself. By the end of our relationship, I think we had both lost ourselves, and I do feel like the breakup was necessary in order for us both to get our own identities back. He was very depressed at the end of our relationship, and it was during that last month that things started to fall apart. He started seeing a therapist as well. However, after a few weeks he jumped into something with somebody else (His status still said single) and changed his Facebook profile picture to a picture of the two of them together. He started being very mean to me over text and made it clear that he was very happy. People are saying that he wants a reaction out of me. So, I stopped contacting him. It’s been maybe two weeks, but I blocked him on social media because it was too hard for me to see those things and I didn’t want to make myself crazy. His whole family are still friends with me on Facebook. Everybody seems to think he will be back eventually, but that I need to focus on myself in the meantime. I was wondering if you think blocking him would ruin our chances of getting back together. I’m also afraid that he will be afraid to give things another chance because he’ll be afraid we will fall into old habits. I want him to see that I’m making positive changes and learning from this, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid that by avoiding his problems things are only getting worse for him. I need advice please!!!
It's best to admit your mistakes. You'll need to forgive yourself for your part in the breakup, then move forward to seek his forgiveness. If you lose your temper and say things you don't mean, pull yourself together as quickly possible and apologize sincerely. There is nothing weak or demeaning about apologizing. On the contrary, it shows strength and good character. But when you apologize, be sure you mean it. A disingenuous apology is worse than no apology.
It's important to not just talk, but to listen and hear what your partner has to say about what's going on in your relationship. You can show you're listening by summarizing what your partner has to say to show you've understood what he or she has said. You can also ask questions that show you've heard what the person has said and that you want to know more.