Is It OK To Be Friends With Your Ex?
— Is It OK To Be Friends With Your Ex?
What’s up YouTube, I’m Brad Browning, AKA Breakup Brad… and of course, as you know, I’m YouTube’s #1 breakup coach. In today’s video, I’m going to answer a simple question: is it ever acceptable, or even a good idea, to be friends with your ex?
Now, most of you watching this video are probably hoping to get back together with your ex. And in that kind of situation, my answer is pretty simple: no, it’s never wise to be friends with an ex if you’re trying to get them back.
I will explain one situation where it IS OK to be friends with your ex later in the video, but first let’s get into why you should absolutely NOT pursue a friendship with your ex when you’re hoping to get back together.
At first, on the surface, I understand the temptation to be friends with your ex… after all, it seems like the “next best thing” to being in a relationship with them, right? And maybe you think it will even help you get them back by giving you a chance to see and talk with them regularly. While this all makes sense at first glance, it’s actually completely false… please trust me when I say that agreeing to be ‘friends’ with your ex after breaking up will NOT help you win them back
There are a few other huge problems with agreeing to be friends with your ex if you want to win them back:
Problem #1: It won’t give your ex a chance to develop feelings of nostalgia and to miss you as much as if you aren’t around.
As I’ve already explained in several of my past videos, one of the key ingredients to repairing a relationship is allowing enough time to pass that your ex begins to miss you like crazy.
And how do you make someone miss you? Simple: disappear from their life suddenly and completely, shutting down all lines of communication. By maintaining a friendship with your ex, it’s impossible to really effectively disappear from their radar, and therefore for them miss you.
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This is actually based in scientific research, by the way: many studies have found that humans are hard-wired to forget about negative memories more quickly and easily than positive ones. That means that, by employing a period of No Contact and leaving your ex alone for at least a month, you’re allowing him or her time to let go of negative memories and emotions and fixate on the happier parts of your relationship. And again, this isn’t going to happen if you’re still regularly hanging out with your ex after breaking up, like you probably would be if you decided to be friends with them.
Problem #2: It gives complete control of the situation to your ex.
Another key to winning back your ex is to make it known to them that you’re still “equals”:, even if they’re the one who decided to break up with you. You need to make it clear that you’re not a pushover, and that if your ex isn’t interested in a romantic relationship, then they’re going to be cut from your life altogether.
I know this sounds painful and even harsh, but there’s no question that you need to maintain your own “status” in the eyes of your ex if you’re going to be able to win them back. By going along with the idea of being “friends” after breaking up, you’re basically shifting the balance of power in their favour.
Problem #3: By staying friends with your ex, you serve as their “safety net” while they look for someone new.
Do you want to be your ex’s confidante while they tell you about their new lover(s)? Do you want to be their backup plan in case things don’t work out with the new relationship they’re pursuing with someone else? Of course not.
You have to make it absolutely clear to your ex that if they choose to break up with you, they’re on their own… and they can’t come running back to you if they find the single life less fun than they’d imagined it would be. I know this sounds backwards, but unless you apply some pressure and urgency to the situation for your ex, they’ll be fine to keep you around as a backup option… and that’s going to make you look somewhat pathetic, and it certainly won’t make them more attracted to you.
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