Why Silence Makes Your Ex Come Back
— Why Silence Makes Your Ex Come Back
Hi YouTube, Breakup Brad here… as I’m sure most of you already know, I’ve been a breakup coach for over 10 years now, helping people like you get through difficult breakups and get a second chance with an ex.
This time, we’re talking about a topic that I get asked about CONSTANTLY… why SILENCE — in other words, the “No Contact” strategy — helps to make your ex want you back. You guys are often asking about this in the comments on my videos… my coaching clients ask about this… and so on… so, clearly it’s a topic that a lot of people want to learn about. And that’s why I’m dedicating this video to talking about IGNORING your ex, and why it works to get them back. Be sure to watch this video all the way to the end, as I’ll be sharing some new tips that I’ve never talked about in any of my past videos here on YouTube.
Before we dive into the psychology of ignoring your ex, and why it works, let me quickly explain what my No Contact strategy involves. Basically, if you want to get a second chance with your ex, then one of the first things you need to do is apply a period of No Contact — essentially, you want to ignore your ex for at least 30 days. No Contact means exactly what it sounds like — no phone calls, no text messages, no late night booty calls, and so on. The sooner you can do this after breaking up, the better.
So, clearly, using No Contact definitely works… but why? And how?
#1 — It keeps you from screwing up.
Most people are very, very emotional after a breakup. In my 12 years as a breakup coach, I’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of clients blow their chance at getting back together simply because they did or said something dumb. Simply put, most people let their emotions get the best of them in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, and end up doing something stupid — like begging and pleading with their ex, lashing out in anger, being too clingy and needy, etc. Ignoring your ex is a simple and effective way to ensure that you don’t make that same mistake.
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#2 — It gives you time to cool down and get some perspective.
Along similar lines to what I just talked about, another benefit to going silent after a breakup is that it gives you time to get a handle on your own emotions. After a month of ignoring your ex, you’ll be in a much better place psychologically, and a lot less likely to get angry or break down in tears when you actually do begin speaking to your ex again. No Contact can also give you a better perspective on things — I’ve had a number of clients that, after 30 days of radio silence, have decided their ex isn’t actually worth pursuing and that they’d be better off moving on. Essentially, to sum it up, No Contact puts you in a much better headspace where you can think more clearly and be less influenced by your emotions.
#3 — It acts as “shock therapy”, making the breakup as difficult as possible for your ex.
Alright, now we’re getting into the real psychology here. The No Contact strategy is designed specifically to “shock” your ex into learning what life is like when you’re suddenly completely gone from their life.
Imagine, for a minute, losing something that you’ve become accustomed to having in your life. Your cell phone is maybe the best example — we’ve all become used to having a smartphone in our pocket at all times, right? So imagine I tell you that you need to hand over your phone to me for 1 hour today. After that, you can have it back. But tomorrow, I’m taking your phone away for two hours. The day after that, I take it for 3 hours, and so on… until, a few weeks from now, I finally take your phone away forever.
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